My mom is telling me that...?

Question

My mom is telling me that I'm ruining our family and that I'm the reason my dad is an alcoholic and it's making me upset. I'm 14. Who do I call that they can tell my mom to knock it off?

Guys, I don't want to be taken to another home. I love my family. My dad is in outpatient rehab as we speak, and I know my mom loves me. And I don't want to leave my doggy. I just want her to wake up and learn that the way she's treating me is WRONG!

By the way, I have been seeing a therapist and we have discussed the alcoholism thing. That's how my dad got into rehab. I want someone to talk to NOW and my psycologist is not at work.

Answer 1

Explain to your mother how that makes you feel. Don't scream at her, but sit down with her when you are both calm. You may want to see the school psychologist or councilor for support, especially if your father is an alcoholic. Also, talk to a trusted adult. You can confide in a teacher you trust, a family member, or anyone else you think can help. Don't put up with this anymore.
Hang in there, it isn't your fault, and you know it. Adults, in anger sometimes will say things they don't mean, and put the blame on others. I know it's hard, but stay strong. Good luck.

Answer 2

the problem is there's something from your mom's past that she has never gotten over, maybe because she's afraid to face it or doesn't know how to handle it and just keeps hiding it inside and it comes out in such a negative way that she can't control it even though it's hurting you. You need to call child social services(whatever they call it) and seek help immediately. You have to allow her time, with the support of others, to understand that playing the blame game isn't going to help anyone(this is something EVERY human being should learn, since this world is so corrupt right now). Don't let it go on for too long or you'll find yourself caught in a very bad situation and there will be a point where you'll need to call for help anyway.

You can't be the cause of someone's habits, interest, attitudes, lifestyles, etc. You can only affect their choices, not make choices for them. Don't feel upset because they're not worth your tears and your precious time. You're still very young and will understand better as you get older. But don't let that stay with you either, because then you may have some problems in the future(not mental problems but you'll probably be more aware of such things).

I wish you the best of luck, and happy holidays

Answer 3

She's probably just looking in the mirror when she says that. She's dealing with regret and can't handle the guilt of letting things get the way they are. She's not happy about your dad's drinking and I'm assuming that it causes problems in other areas as well.

She needs help and you need to know that. You're definately not the problem, and your dad's alcoholism is his own damned fault. How could you possibly be responsible for that?

When I started drinking after falling out of a long-term relationship, I knew very well who was responsible for the drinking, and it wasn't my ex-girlfriend. It caused problems with my friends, work and I tried to blame the problems I was having until I realized what was really causing them.

My very own attitude. Life is what you make it. You're only 14 and you already sound like you know what's going on.

I think everything will be fine, but you must be strong and remain reasonable, because you may be the only capable at the moment.

Answer 4

Have you told your therapist what your mother says to you? You really need to do that if you have not. You are not the reason that you dad is an alcoholic and she should not be blaming you for their decisions. You are also not the one ruining your family. I cannot believe that she would put this quilt onto a child. You might not want to go somewhere else to live but you really do not need to be there. This environment is not good for your emotional or mental stability. Have you asked your mother why she is blaming all of this on you? Have you told her how she makes you feel? Since you are seeing a therapist already I think that there are really some other problems in your house. For your therapist to really give you the help that you need you have to tell him what is going on in your house. Call him as soon as he is in and talk to him as soon as possible. Hang in there girl.

Answer 5

That is insane -- it is NEVER the kids' fault if their parent is addicted to something --- EVER EVER EVER. What you are going through is verbal abuse which hurts a LOT more than physical abuse (sometimes) - regardless, it is not healthy on you mentally. DO NOT -- AND I MEAN THIS - do NOT take on such serious issues as alcoholism and never let anyone rent space in your head like that -- I heard that saying a long time ago and it makes a lot of sense. I'm 49 and my mother was an alcoholic (bad) and I KNOW for a fact it was not my fault. I have a niece and she was TROUBLE with a capitol "T" as a teenager but is doing well now (at 21) and her father had a heart attack and they BLAMED HER -- he had blockage in his heart --- it wasn't HER fault that happened....it's all crap sweetheart and do NOT BELIEVE IT PLEASE. Talk to a school counselor when you get a chance and see what they say - seriously - they WILL give you resources.....OMG -- I'm sorry -- IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT --- I don't care WHAT you have done or didn't do -- a parent is supposed to be able to handle it - never blame yourself.....promise me, okay?

Answer 6

you really need to tell your school counsler ,pastor or an adult you know well and trust. your town should have a local teen hotline for you to call, look in your phone book. Just know that all the things that are happening to your family is not your fault and there is no need to be upset or feel guilty, your mom is the one who need a lot of help. I pray that you get in contact with the right person, so that your mom can get some help.

Answer 7

Well, other than calling Guido, the local hitman, there's nobody you can call. But no, it is NOT your fault your father is an alcoholic. I have a feeling he was alcoholic long before you were born. Your mother is emotionally blackmailing you and it's wrong. Unfortunately it's not against the law though. See if you can talk to somebody such as a teacher, guidance counselor or friends' parent for techniques in dealing with your parents' dysfunctional personalities.

Answer 8

First of all, it is not your fault that you dad has a disease, and it sounds like your mother has one too if she would say something like that. do you have any close relatives to talk to? if not you can call social services if you want to be taken out of your home, but no one can just tell her to "knock it off" that is something she needs to learn on her own unfortunately. Try the guidance councelor at school or a teacher you are especially close to.

Answer 9

well you can say your the reason your dad is a alcoholic he did to him self what are you doing that makes your mom think that, well your mom is maybe going through a hard time with your dad drink . it's very hard to be a mom and you sould thank god ever day your mom is next to because you don't know what you have in till you lose it happen to me i use to fight a lot with mom and now she gone and i was forgave my self it's not last for you help out your mom around the do go in school try to become something so you can show them that your not going to like your and your going to make a different

Answer 10

You may very well be causing upsetment in your family, but you are not causing your dad to be an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease that is physical. No one can cause another person to be an alcoholic. Your mom needs some professional help.