Tantrums by a 4-year old at a store.?

Question

My 4 year old son behaves very badly at a store. He wants to buy a toy during every visit and shouts and screams if I don't buy it. He starts picking up things that he wants(which we really don't need) and if I don't put them in the basket, he starts throwing and damaging them. I do get him involved in what cereal he wants and what juice he wants. But there are some unnecessary stuff which he always wants and my son even had a very good memory to see whether the lady at the counter is scanning the item which he has selected. I cannot even divert his attention and put the item back without his knowledge. It will soon reach a stage where the store manager will not allow my son to enter. I need to do my shopping and find time only when my son is around, as I work from home when he is at preschool. Please help.

I know that many of you might suggest that I leave him with someone while I do my shopping. I asked my mother to take care of him once while I went shopping. But he wanted to accompany me to the store and kept crying at her house till I returned from shopping and my mother is scared by the idea now.

Answer 1

The next time you go to the store and his tantrum starts simply pick him up without the item and leave the store. Take him to the car and tell him he can't have whatever he is wanting and you will not take him back inside till he stops the fit.

Answer 2

I work in a store and I am a parent

you HAVE to stop buying things.. you have to stop putting things in the basket.. he HAS to learn how to take "NO" for an answer.

you are doing him a great disservice by giving into him - he will have an impossible time as an adult handling "NO"

trust me I would WAY rather see a mom say NO and the kid throw a fit but the mom NOT give in that a mom who gives in -because I know she is only training her kid to behave bad every time he wants something.. what kind of husband will your son grow up to be??

you MUST mean NO.. you must say NO alot and dont worry if he throws a fit.. eventually he wil unlearn the bad behavior you have reinforced...

DONT BUY STUFF - he has you trained.. he will not be able to cope in a world where he will hear a lot of NO's in the future by other people...

EDIT.. I know some people wrote suggesting you leave the store.. that may be good if you are in a toy store or something but if you are buying grocerys or something he finds boring he will soon learn that throwing a fit is a good way to get you to leave... you need to shop and get things done.. leaving isnt getting you what you need to get done so its not always the answer.

Answer 3

If you're goign to bring him shopping, you have to be absolutely, militantly consistent with him - do not buy him A THING unless he behaves throughout the entire shopping experience. Don't even let him put it in the basket. Don't try to fool him but letting him bring it to the checkout and not have it scanned. the answer is simply NO.

You're going to have a few nightmare shopping experiences at first, but he'll catch on fast. And tantruming is one thing - just ignore that. But there is no way on earth he should be throwing and damaging store items. Punish him on the spot for that behavior, even have the manager talk to him if you think that may scare some sense into him. that is not to be tolerated at all.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I would definitely not let him win this one! If you do, you will be in for bigger problems when he is older! My middle child went through a phase when she was a baby of not wanting to sit in the cart. She would stand up, scream, howl, whatever she could to get me to take her out. I refused, making her sit back down. Of course, we got plenty of stares and frowny faces, but I persisted. After several shopping trips, she realized I was not giving in, and we never had a problem after that! You must tell your son BEFORE you enter the store, what your expectations are of him and what the positive and negative consequences will be! Explain to him that you are going shopping and you would like to talk about what appropriate behaviors look like. Ask HIM to give you examples, such as "sitting nicely in the cart", or "using a quiet voice". You have to really train children how to behave in certain places. Many people try the easy way out by leaving their children with someone, but that is not doing anyone any favors! How can a child learn what is expected of them if they are not given the chance?

Answer 5

Tell him before you go to the store that he is expected to behave. That means NO 'gimmes' and NO tantrums. If you are shopping and he throws a tantrum, tell him to STOP and give him a good, hard spank. If he puts things in the cart that you don't want, put them back and tell him NO. If he screams, spank him again.

You mentioned that if you leave him at your mom's he cries the whole time you're at the store. Try leaving him there but DON'T tell him you're going to the store.

Answer 6

It sounds corny and it can be embarassing but when my oldest (now 11) was four she used to do the same thing, I got so fed up that one day when she pulled her tantrum, I threw myself down on the floor beside her and copied her. The people in the store must have thought I lost my mind but it worked. She's never thrown a tantrum since.

Answer 7

Talk to him before going let him know what you expect of him what you will and will not buy for him and that if he starts to throw things and act like this you will have to leave.
Make sure he is well rested and has eaten and gone to the bathroom before going. Bring a healthy snack and favorite toy with you.
Try to make it fun by playing eye spy while you shop.

Answer 8

In my experience, the best thing to do is explain to your child before you leave what he cant do, and that if does this he will be disciplined. When you get to the store, if he throws his tantrum whoop his little behind! It might sound harsh, but it will be something he doesnt expect. I have 2 children and my oldest did the exact same thing, im not the one that likes to whoop in public but i had enough and overcame it. He doesnt do it anymore.....good luck

Answer 9

I have a star chart for mine...and when he's good at the store he can get a treat...usually animal crackers...but when we get back home we get his stickers and he places it in the box for"I'm getting this happy face or star for being good at the store"...if he starts a fit in the store...I simply take him outside..they usually have a bench and he gets a time out...his doctor said to try this because she feels that at this age they semi know that behaving like this is wrong and also know they will get their way...ppl did look at me funny putting him on a time out...but who cares...at that point I tried everything...this has worked for me but it took a few times of doing this for him to see I wasn't going to give in...that is the worse thing you can do...maybe take along a coloring book and a crayon...just to keep him occupied...hope you get the answers you're looking for...good luck

Answer 10

i dont agree with leaving the store pronto since iwould feel mighty upset that i didnt get any groceries, plus it inflames the situation.
i really try , even with my son, at grocery time and he starts to act up - i start having sum FUN
see the funny side of his tantrum, humor his tantrum, knowing full well he wont get me down. I refuse to let my son get to me and i take my time with small steps to get through without rushing or inflaming the situation.
it works!
when you drive there you talk to him and tell him that you are doing the shopping ," if you behave yourself and listen to what mum asks, then maybe mum will get you something nice. if you throw a fit to get something you want i will not get it for you - do you understand! "
let him respond to you and what you need to hear from him is" yes, mum ok!"
he needs to acknowledge his behaviour and answer to you so you know youre on top of his antics.
i hope this is helpful to you