I am joining the air force and I hear that marriage is very hard in the military. I am getting married soon, but wont be having kids for a couple years. Does anyone have advice for keeping a marriage strong?? How do I maintain stability? Any other advice is appreciated.
2007-12-20 10:42:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
set up an allotment for your spouse,to many soldiers get deployed and their so called better half cleans out the bank account and rolls out.
2007-12-20 11:31:26 · answer #1 · answered by Old Guard 33 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Marriage and the military sometimes don't go hand in hand because of the stress from work that's put on everday life, yes that is true, but if you work at it (through the good times, the bad times, and the hard times when you're deployed) - then everything is dandy, golden, and solid. Love, trust, faith and commitment are absolutely important keys in having a military marriage.
Although, military life isn't for everyone married to it. It's a life long commitment that some spouses, just find it too hard to handle.
My husband is in the Air Force, and we've been married for over a year now. We've had no problems at all with our marriage, nor with the Air Force....probably because I can say that I'm used to the military way of life since my father is active duty AF, and I've grown up in nothing but a pure military environment all my life.
2007-12-20 16:25:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've never been a civilian spouse so I can't say that's it harder in the military than out. I'm sure for some people in some career fields its harder than others. My ex and I were very happy together for the first five years, maybe six and then things went bad but it wasn't anything to do with the Air Force. He deployed once for three months and I deployed once for fourmonths during that time.
From what I can tell, people that are immature and/or not really suited for each other have problems and people who have their stuff together do well...I think you could say that about people on the outside, too. One thing I would suggest. and I know that I'm going to take a beatdown, have you guys lived together? You think you know somebody but you will be surprised what you find out when you live with some one...good and bad.
2007-12-20 11:48:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not that hard in the miliary. You hear this all the time but really it's not. I mean, it has it's ups and downs but what marriage doesn't? There will be days when you don't like each other, when your tired and she wants to shop (oh wait, that's me!), and all sorts of things but you can have a strong marriage! Like anything, you have to work at it!
If your spouse is independant and can take care of things on her own, she will be fine. My husband has been in for almost 4 years and sews on E-5 in June. He's been deployed 7 times. We have 4 year old son. I've never had a issue while he's been gone. If I did, I know his first shirt personally and I know where Family Support is! I know how to pay the bills, fix the car (I love fixing the car!), and do things alone. We have a very strong marriage. It's the little things that add up. the e-mails, phones calls, letters, packages. Make sure you say I love you everyday! Your wife will know that the military always comes first and she will always come second. As long as she is comfortable with that, you will be just fine.
You will hear people say that wives cheat on thier husbands more in the military. That is not true! There are those wives that do that, but not anymore than in the civilian world!
2007-12-20 10:50:17 · answer #4 · answered by mustangsally76 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I say go for it but make sure your spouse understand the role of being a military wife. It's definitely a job. I'm a Marine wife and a former AF wife. My husband has been in for a total of 11 years and switched from the AF to become a Marine Pilot. Anywho, it definitely takes committment, communication, and trust. I think it would be great for her to talk to some other military wives as well. As for my husband and I, we have two kids and have been married for almost 6 years but togehter a total of 8. Every time he is deployed, it's almost like our marriage starts fresh and new whenever he comes back. I get the whole butterflies in the stomach thing every single time he comes back. It's almost like reliving the honeymoon days again and it never gets old.
2007-12-20 16:11:30 · answer #5 · answered by TH 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The main reason this type of relationship is so difficult is due to a few things. Time away from the spouse, and the temptations that abound when the spouse is gone for long periods of time (on both sides). You have to understand, when you live your wife for a mission, she will have to deal with feeling abandoned and alone with multiple children. At first, it's pretty easy to deal with...but after several years, a more consistent and stable relationship is very tempting to a woman who is essentially a "single mom" for most of the time. Also, on your side. If you are stationed away from home for long periods and you get some hot young things flirting you up time and time again (and yeah, the whole rumor about the uniform is true..speaking as a former Marine). Again, very easy to resist at first, but as you feel lonely and isolated, things will become more and more tempting.
The main way to keep things going is to be very conscientious about communication. This, like the above mentioned things, is easy in the beginning. New love will drive you. However, that "feeling" of love fades over time and love becomes a decision (read any good book on relationships to understand this concept in more depth) and you will start to take your spouse for granted and not call every day. Eventually you might call less and less until it becomes more of a weekly chore than a daily pleasure. If that happens, then the other issues become more realistic and more problematic. So you need to keep that contact even during the long haul. She needs to feel security at times when it seems like there is none. She needs to know you love her regardless of where you are or what you are doing.
That's the best advice I can give you from both experience of being in the military and with my education in the psychology of relationships. (Well, within the confines of YA...there is much more to it, but this is core)
2007-12-20 10:56:23 · answer #6 · answered by ®PsychologyGuy 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
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2016-02-11 03:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that bad in the Air Force, but you still need to work at it. You got to be a "team", and tackle problems together. Don't keep secrets, and communicate. Tell her what's going on.
2007-12-20 10:48:17 · answer #8 · answered by Mac 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Don't get married until you've been in for a while.
2007-12-20 10:46:58 · answer #9 · answered by DOOM 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need VERY good communication and openess. You need 110% trust in each other...good luck...don't let people tell you not to do it.
2007-12-20 11:37:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋