Grandmother died this morning, my first time experiencing death. Help?

Question

I love my grandmother so much. But I've cried once, I don't know why I'm not a mess like other people are.

Has it not sunk in yet?
Is this weird?
Have you experienced this before?

The calling hours, (no funeral, she's being cremeated) are Saturday AM... will I experience it then?

Answer 1

Honey, I am so sorry for your loss.
My grandmother died when I was 16. It was amazing to see grown men-her sons- crying at her funeral. I was OK until I saw that .
Don't look at other people's outsides and wonder why your insides don't match them. It is very confusing and not an accurate way to figure anything out.
People experience and express feelings in a thousand ways.
Be honest. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel numb, be numb. If you feel like laughing, even that is a "normal" reaction to stress and bad news.
Funerals/visitations are the time and place to let it all hang out. Fine if you do, and fine if you don't. Don't feel like you have to put on a show or restrain yourself.
Don't feel like you don't love your grandmother if you don't cry on cue. You are perfectly normal. Of course, you loved her and will miss her. Even if you were mad at her when she died, you will eventually feel fondly toward her.
You might try writing a story or poem about how she helped you or what she taught you and see if that doesn't help you to feel things. You might even read it or give it to other family members on Saturday.
Death is a big part of life. Any of us can go at anytime.None of us is getting out of here alive.
Try to live your best life and make your grandmother proud.
Good luck, honey.

Answer 2

You don't have to cry to mourn or to prove your love -- a lot of people don't cry upon learning of a death (while some people cry very loudly with a conscious desire to show other people how much they care, even if they aren't feeling the loss so much). A lot of people don't cry right away but feel emotional later, when the loss feels more real and there is less drama and disruptance. I am more of a private cryer, myself. And I find I get more emotional about my grandmother at certain times now when I would kind of expect her to be there with me than I did when she was actually buried because I had not really processed what had happened to her.
I'd say it's unlikely that you'll cry on Saturday, either, but you shouldn't worry about it or feel like you have to cry for appearance's sake. We all grieve in our own way, and only a really unreasonable person would fault you for not showing more emotion.

Answer 3

I lost my Mother on Nov 28 and I haven't cried yet! She was 93 and it just happened in her sleep with me only 6 ft away. I believe I have been grieving for several months before because she was slowly going down hill.
Each of us deal with death differently, so just make certain you do grieve some and then move on. Most of us would never tell our loved ones that we want them to stay here with us instead of going to heaven. So, be happy for your grandmother. You are probably more realistic than the ones who are a mess. You may experience tears later, and then, it maybe weeks later. It maybe when you see a child with a grandparent and you miss her then. Just remember her smile and how she loved you! Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Many people experience this. You are not alone. Everyone deals with death and their emotions a different way. It may have not sunk in yet, or you may be more rational when it comes to death and while you are sad, you may be the strong one that holds the family together.

I am sorry for your loss and keep your head up Hun.

Answer 5

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My great grandmother died when i was 10. I didn't cry that much at first either. But at the funeral, when everyone was saying their last respects, it really hit me that she was gone. But I'm a jehovah's witness and I believe in a resurrection. I still miss her very much but you have to think of it this way, she's just sleeping. You'll get to see her again soon.

Answer 6

Not all of us feel cathartic grief when a loved one dies. My granddad died a year and a half ago, and it seemed like the proper time. He had cancer, he'd lost his strength, and it was best that it didn't drag out. I often wish he could have lived just a little longer, but that's how it goes. If nothing else, death makes you think pretty hard about life. I'm sorry for you.

Answer 7

Everyone shows their emotions differently. Some people just don't show emotions...you may not cry at the services either, but it doesnt mean that you don't care. It could come to you tonight, or tomorrow, Sat., or two weeks from now. You may be that one who holds it together.

Answer 8

I don't understand what you're "waiting" to experience. Drama? Everyone experiences death differently. I don't know how old you are, but whatever happens, happens.

Answer 9

for you, it might not have sunk in yet... i know when my grandpa died, i laughed (i know it sounds evil but i did). that was my way of coping for the moment. 2 days after his funearal and he was cremated it sunk in and i broke down.