I was raped by a cousin when I was six. I kept the secret for 26 years. How do you get past it?

Question

I never told anyone. I never yelled. I didn't say no. If I yelled I could have gotten my grandparents attention. It happened four times one summer. He was 13 and I was six. He tried again when I was 12 but by then I was able to protect myself. I finally told a few people this past summer. No one in my family (besides me and my cousin) know about it. It's affecting my entire life. It effects how I feel about myself. I can't trust anyone. I want to move on but I don't know how. No one understands how damaging rape is to the victom - especially if the victom is a child. The effects last longer than the rape. Any suggestions on how to get past this?

Answer 1

Please have patience and read this~

Take care of yourself in the best way for you. For some people, that means reporting the crime immediately and fighting to see the rapist brought to justice. For others it means seeking medical or emotional care without reporting the rape as a crime. Every person is different.

There are three things that everyone who has been raped should do, though:

Know that the rape wasn't your fault.
Seek medical care.
Deal with your feelings.

Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault. No one has the right to have sex with you against your will. The blame for a rape lies solely with the rapist.

Sometimes a rapist will try to exert even more power by making the person who's been raped feel like it was actually his or her fault.

Someone who has been raped might feel a lot of things: angry, degraded, frightened, numb, or confused. It's also normal for someone who has been raped to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Some people withdraw from friends and family. Others don't want to be alone. Some feel depressed, anxious, or nervous.

It can be hard to think or talk about a frightening experience, especially something as personal as rape. People who have been raped sometimes avoid seeking help because they're afraid that talking about it will bring back memories or feelings that are too painful. But this can actually do more harm than good.

Talking about rape in a safe environment with the help and support of a trained professional is the best way to ensure long-term healing. Working through the pain sooner rather than later can help reduce symptoms like nightmares and flashbacks. It can also help people avoid potentially harmful behaviors and emotions, like major depression or self-injury.

Every rape survivor works through his or her feelings differently. Some people feel most comfortable talking one-on-one with a therapist. Others find that joining a support group where they can be with other survivors helps them to feel better, get their power back, and move on with their lives. In a support group, you can get help and support as well as give it. Your experiences and ideas may help others heal.

Answer 2

First of all, I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. It's awful, and nobody deserves to go through that.

I'd say look into local counseling centers to see if you can get an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist. I know a lot of people are really hesitant about going in therapy sometimes, but trust me, it doesn't mean you're "crazy". Most everyone can benefit from airing their feelings and experiences out in the open to an objective listener. Therapists are great because they are trained to listen and give advice without judging, and are a third party who is totally uninvolved with your situation, unlike many of your close friends and relatives would be.

I've been in and out of therapy for the last four years, and it always helps me out.

If you don't like your therapist after a few sessions, or don't feel you're getting the help you need, don't despair about it. Sometimes you need to try a few times to find a therapist that fits with your personality and specific needs, and that can take some time. If the first few don't work out, there's NOTHING wrong with you. You are not beyond help. There is someone out there who can help you.

I hope you seek some outside assistance, and start on the road to getting through this damage. This awful event will always be a part of your past, but you can get help to move through it as much as you can. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Hello darling i was very upset to hear your story i hope you will get past this.
I myself was raped not as achild but 3 years ago i was pregnant at the time and i lost my child due to the damage that was caused it has haunted me ever since.
Relationships have failed and i have been distant from family and lost all my friends and self- confidence.
I have attended therepy and i did find it helped and i have moved on slightly it still affects me though more so this time of year as it was a new year party it happened at.
I have recently started my first relationship since it happened and so far so good but it takes alot of hard work to make it work and not my past affect me in my future.

I would suggest you seek medical and propper help and advice. This shouldn't happen to anyone of any age and as you were a child it makes me so mad that some sick pervert would hurt you this way i send you my love and best wishes and i hope you get the help you need and seem to want also.

Please feel free to keep me informed on your progress.

I am wishing you a merry christmas and all the best in the new year and i pray you have all the love and comfort you deserve x x x

Answer 4

You cannot get past this on your own. There is no reason why you should have to live with this and deal with this by yourself. YOU NEED TO TELL SOMEONE WHO WILL HELP! This is in no way something you should have to hide or deal with by yourself, you did nothing wrong, you are a victim of a HORRIBLE act of violence. Your doctor would be a good person if you dont know whom to trust. They will help you more than you can imagine. It is a long process getting thru what you have been thru and you need to know that there is hope. You must get help though. Your cousin may have hurt many others the way he hurt you and it needs to be stopped. If not for yourself, do it for other children he may be looking to do this to.

Answer 5

Try www.rrain.org They offer advice and where to get help. Have you tried therapy? The more you talk about it, the better you will feel. So even if you can't afford 1-on-1 help, talk to friends or see if there is local support groups.
Some people have used a combination massage therapy/pschycotherapy to help there mind and body adjust.
Hope some of this helps.
Remember that you are not alone....

Answer 6

You definitely need therapy. Tell you parents and your cousins's as well. Therapy will help you get over the trauma at least to some extent. But just remember 1 thing. Not everybody is like your cousin. Good exists in this world.

And for good measures aim a swift kick right in your cousins' nuts so he never feels the need to use his wii willy paedo-winky ever again.

Answer 7

i don't know where you live hun' but there are specialised groups that can help you with this. they know all the feelings you go through and can help you get better by helping you to deal with them and once you have you'll be able to at least feel better about yourself and you'll find your depression lifting. first go your gp and ask for rape work from a qualified abuse specialist.

first thing is...it's not your fault at all. it's very common to feel like you are to blame when in actual fact you are not at all. children whether six or 16 cannot be to blame for being raped....whatever they think they might have done. you cannot provoke a rape. the rapist chooses to rape.......no one forces them to do it. there is this myth that men cannot control their sexual urges and it's not true. yes your cousin at thirteen would have been extremely sexually primed but that does not excuse his behaviour at all. at thirteen he wouldn' have understood the effect of what he was doing but in hindsight now he will do completely. also by the time you were twelve he would have been an adult male and perfectly aware that what he was doing was wrong. there is no....oh i couldn't control myself....or she made me do it.........it doesn't exist. he is to blame.......full stop...not you. go to your gp......get some counselling and go on from there.

good luck sweetie

Answer 8

I am also struggling with issues related to being sexually abused growing up. I tried for many many years to deal with it by myself. Then when I finally did tell someone I tried to deal with it with just the help of those one or two friends I told. In the end though I had to seek professional help. I would suggest speaking to your Dr, they can refer you to support groups, therapists and counselors who will be able to help you. There are also support forums on-line, helplines you can call and support services you can email. It is worth looking into these, though I recommend using forums with caution as I have had some negative experiences with them. If you have close friends you can trust with this then let them know that you are having difficulty and are seeking help with it. The support of those who are close to you is invaluable.
So far I ahve found the group therapy I had two years back to have been the most helpful, though we all deal with things differently. It helped to deal with issues relating to guilt, self blame, trust issues, anger, over vigilance, nightmares, flash backs, self esteem, self harming behaviours (including drinking, drugs and self injury) and depression. We also looked at if/when/how to tell family members such as parents and the pros and cons of confronting the abuser which was very helpful. As most other people have said, none of this was your fault so please don't blame yourself. The only person to blame is your cousin. Best of luck xxx

Answer 9

o my goodness i'm sorry that happened to you! but u really should have told someone. well i think u should tell your perants or at least 1 person in your family. they'll understand as much as they can and they shouldn't blame u for anything because it's not your fault that your cousin is like that. well i sure do hope every thing works out. God Bless

Answer 10

Get some Counseling. Obviously you need it- seeing as how this has botherd you for so long... You NEED to totally get this out of your system- before you can begin to move on from it. Good luck.