My husband and I have been having issue lately and he's begun to throw things at me. First it was a peice of pizza after I turned away from an argument, then (we run a cafe on the weekends) he screams in front of all of our customers that I'm a F***ing B***h, the next weekend he threw a plate of hash browns and hit me in the back of the head, again in front of all our customers. I just don't know what to do, we're under a lot of stress right now, we have four daughters, two of whom are disabled and one who isn't doing well, so there's a major source of stress. Having explained the stress, he swears he would never throw anything that would hurt me (we're obviously omitting the PLATE!) and that he knew what he was doing. So to me that says he consciously made the decision to throw something at the back of me head and it scares me. If he did it out of anger and didn't think about it then what's next? I just don't know what to do, any suggestions would be helpful.
2007-12-20 08:49:10 · 13 answers · asked by justwondering 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
For those who asked about the effects on our daughters, yes they've seen it and I do NOT want them to think it's okay, but I also don't want them to see how easy it is to give up, hope that makes sense. This behavior is new and I don't know where it's coming from and I don't know what to do about it.
2007-12-20 09:00:25 · update #1
Start getting counseling, with or without him, for yourself at least, get professional help. If insurance is an issue, some churches have counselling. Hopefully this will show him that you are afraid of the current situation, he can seriously hurt you. Your very intelligent, but need guidance on getting HIM the help HE needs. There's NO acceptable reason or excuse for his acting like that, period. Much less in front of your children or customers in a business establishment. I hope you're able to get help and resolve the problem.
Best of Luck to you all, ;-)
2007-12-20 13:53:04 · answer #1 · answered by Tony 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Violence not only escalates, it kills. Domestic abuse is the term and your description of the events already shows serious anger management issues. I lived through similar abuse that started like yours, and I ended up in the hospital nearly losing my eye from one object (a plum) thrown at me and a brain tumor years later stemmed from a blow to my head that required an ambulance to come to a public park where he had knocked me out in front of many witnesses. The first time escalated into more and more abuses so I can tell you, you need to stop it now. Individually it is impossible stop someone who is out of control so get help and don't make any more excuses. There are many resources in your community, free ones if you're indigent, many suggestions already given that are excellent. That's why I spent the time to answer your question by personal experience scenerios instead of listing the help out there. You FIRST have to know you are in a vicious cycle that won't end until you decide.
2007-12-20 15:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by Dianne m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Violence definately has the potential to easily escalate. It sounds like hes reacting without proper judgement. This problem will not be resolved on its own so I would recommend that you too have a serious talk about your relationship. This behavior in front of your children can have a traumatic effect on their overall perception of accepted norms/behaviors of this society.
2007-12-20 08:56:18 · answer #3 · answered by DELETED 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one throws anything or does any violence unintentionally. It is deliberate, the force is controlled, and it is as well aimed as possible. If he has thrown things at you in the past he will do it again in the future and he will mean it. He needs to get help and I would suggest you have someone with you when you tell him, so he takes it seriously. There needs to be consequences for his decisions.
2007-12-20 09:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by Bumblebee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, violence escalates. Stress is NO excuse -- and later, no excuse will be needed at all. Get counseling, get help, for him and you both. File a Protection From Abuse order -- NOW. It will not get better unless HE does. And then there are the children, of course.
2007-12-20 08:52:41 · answer #5 · answered by Yahzmin ♥♥ 4ever 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes, violance esculates.
i don't know why women use the kids as the excuse as to why stay. Don't you listen to the news? All the men killing thier wifes, all the domestic violence? When people keep seeing you put up with it, they will lose respect for you! And you will find a time you may need them, and they won't be there to help.
2007-12-20 08:59:56 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs some anger counseling because it will not get any better unless he is willing to do something more constructive with his pent up stress than throwing things at you. Insist that he does it now or leave, for your own and your childrens' sakes. What do you think it does to them to see their father behave so poorly to their mother?
2007-12-20 08:53:38 · answer #7 · answered by Mary C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should already be very frightened. Your husband is THROWING THINGS AT YOU and thinks it's A-OK!!!!!!!!! Next he'll justify a punch, and then he'll have "good reason" to choke you. G E T O U T while you still can. You're teaching your kids that it's okay for mommy to get things thrown at her!
2007-12-20 09:03:34 · answer #8 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes honey the problem will escalate and possibly become very violent let him know if this happens again you'r not going to put up with this.
Hit his *** in the head with a plate and he'll see how it feels.
2007-12-20 08:55:42 · answer #9 · answered by Debbie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YES, it escalates and the damage that it does to you physically and emotionally is horrible. Is there an agency in your area for domestic violence? Most agencies offer free counseling to help you with coping and crisis intervention. Regardless of the stress, there is no excuse. Please listen and take actions to protect yourself and your children. I am one who knows the outcome all to well.
2007-12-20 08:54:24 · answer #10 · answered by Beth66 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋