Is it me or is attracting women or finding the one you want become a science?

Question

Seriously, it's like in all these things you read and hear about from friends and in general, guys have to do all these different things now to exude their confidence and maintain the comfort level of the lady. That's all good and all, but it is actually quite a pain in the ***.

I am a tactful, friendly, honest and personable guy with good qualities but while I can get a date (not being conceited) I can't get past the first one.

This is frustrating, what happened to being yourself?

Why do men have to pander in order to have a relationship these days, and why does it seem to work so seamlessly for everyone else I see out there.

Especially with the holidays sometimes I get extremely discouraged. For someone who puts himself out there, I feel I deserve better.

Natashab.....I've done all the talking. I can strike up a convo it just doesn't go anywhere. There's always an ex or a bf or some excuse on their part.......

And another thing, im not becoming like anything, I just don't like hearing how it works out for everyone else. Life is short....

Kimmie T. thanks for making me feel more silly for not getting past the first date.

Don't tell me you're one of those judgemental girls that takes something from a guy's description and attributes to him as a person no questions asked.....

Answer 1

Yeah for some reason it's easy for some guys and others can't seem to catch a break. Personally I hate chasing after women but what else ya gonna do! You could try reading this guys book...

David Deangleo - Double your dating
Just search for it on limewire or something no need to buy it.

Now I don't know if it works or not but I did try some of the stuff in there and the girl I'm chasing seemed to respond the way he said she would.

Answer 2

May I ask how old you are? I was similar to you, but give it time things worked out with me and now im in a extremely happy relationship without the pandering others do. You could always give it ago but if it's not you then don't bother. Just be yourself and try not to have the question on your mind so much and go out and meet different people and be yourself. The more you think about the question the less confident you will be in yourself and that's a downside when trying to find a chick. I think its also about picking up the courage to tell people how you feel, so many times people like each other but no one is able to make the first move and this might be your downside to finding a relationship, just think you only have one life and one chance you might as well go for it.

That's my two cents hope it helps.

Answer 3

First of all, let me assure you that it's true everyone else seem to get into relationships seamlessly. Everyone else, just like you, are struggling in the race to find happiness. Do you know how hard it is to find someone you love, and also loves you back, and that person is both able and willing to have a mutually supportive respectable relationship? It's almost a miracle! Chances like that happen only once or twice in a life time. But however, you can't give up looking. And for the good women out there, we really don't watch Oprah or read dating books and judge guys like that. All you have to do is just be yourself.

Answer 4

It's because you probably look for women in the wrong places...well not wrong per se but there's probably one particular type of woman that you've gone out with. You say you put yourself out there but what does that really mean? Some of the best relationships happen from spontaneous meetings. When you're searching you just find other people who are searching and who have some crazy idea in mind of what they want to find and when they don't they move on, which is a bit shallow. Do you get what I'm saying? I met my bf randomly on a ski trip...I wasn't looking neither was he really we just met, liked the look of eachother and it's history from then on. Usually when you go to singles' bars or somewhere like that, as I said people have an idea of what they want and try to search for that...though it's silly because they'll never find EXACTLY what they're looking for and they pass up great opportunities. Don't become like that ok. Next time you see a cute girl in the shop or in a park or whatever just strike up a conversation...you never know where it's going to lead :)

Answer 5

Women feel the same way. Don't believe everything you see and hear. Just be yourself, like you said. You don't want to attract some woman by acting -- then you will have to act all the time. I've never had a pandering man and don't think I'd like one. Don't give up, unless you decide to take a break. People say that is when it happens. It hasn't happened to me, but I've seen it happen to others. Both people in the relationship need to try.

Answer 6

Why can't you get "past the 1st date"? Don't tell me you're one of those guys that feels bad if things didn't go perfectly? I've known guys that have had their confidence deflated after the first date because they felt as if they didn't charm her enough, whereas in reality it was quite contrary.
ASK for a second date, if she turns you down, be uber friendly and ask her WHY, that's the only way to find out why they keep turning you down...I think that menial risk is worth it. Good luck!

Answer 7

If you feel like it's a pain in the *** then you're working too hard. Lighten up, laugh a little, relax, have fun. Girls love those qualities. Try taking a humorous approach to it, I gaurantee you'll do better, it should be FUN!

Alright... you need to create sexual tension very soon upon meeting women, and you need to stop having murky dates, IM me for more info.

Answer 8

well... science has always been apart of every fundamental in life... but try not to care of theories n stuff... just let it come naturally to u.... :P