Did I start my family too early? Just asking for opinions...??

Question

I got engaged to my husband, Cooper, at my graduation ceremony. We'd been dating 3 years and had just begun having sex, and a few weeks after my 19th birthday, I found out that I was pregnant.

Cooper and I got married, and I gave birth to our beautiful son Christopher, and our angelic daughter, Kaylie, followed 2 yrs later. I just gave birth to our triplets, Alyssa, Brooke, and Cade, 5 mos ago, and Cooper and I have decided to get a divorce.

So here I am, 25 yrs old in the middle of a divorce, with my 5 children stuck in the middle. I regret feeling this way, but sometimes I wish I had waited just a few more years before started my family. I love my children to death; each and every one of them, but sometimes I just wonder that if I hadn't bore them at such a young age, I might have been able to travel, go to college, and maybe establish a career.

Am I wrong to feel this way? Did I indeed start my family when I was too young?
Please tell me the truth
Thank you all very much

Answer 1

Yes, you started your family at a young age, but it doesn't stop you from achieving what you want to in life when you decide the time is right.

I'm not here to judge. At eighteen and nineteen you might have not given a great deal of thought to the things that were going to matter to you or the things that you would have wanted to do because you were so young and you were in love. But there is a bright side, you have 5 beautiful children that love you and wake up every morning and call you mommy. That is an unconditional love, much like your love for them. Hindsight always draws our attention to the things that we could have done differently but did not. Today is what we do have and there is a lot of your life left during which you will find a way to be strong and accomplish everything you still have left to accomplish.

There is a way to do everything that you want to if it's what you really want. Good luck.

Answer 2

It is hard to say that you did based upon the limited information given. I guess the reason for the divorce might tell more about whether or not starting your family too young might be to blame.
I do think that with 5 children - 3 only 5 months old - you have a really hard road ahead. Are you both absolutely sure there is no way to put things back together?? Sometimes working to keep things from falling apart is the most difficult thing, but often the right thing. I have been divorced and things can get really, really hard out there. I think that unless there has been some type of abuse or something really major, marriage counseling could be a much better alternative. I have been through it and know from experience.
Wondering why and dreaming of what could have been isn't productive - it won't help you to think of it now. Besides, the career-woman thing isn't all it's cracked up to be either (been there, too). And yes, your children will be stuck in the middle. You need to decide whether the problems are bad enough to put them in this position.

Answer 3

I do NOT think you started too young. You have 5 wonderful children. Life does not always go according to a preset plan. If you traveled and had a career, you might not have your children. Hindsight always shows a different side. If you choose something else, who knows where you might be right now. You could be a druggie on the side of the road.
I think having children young if harder on the man, than the woman. Looking back I can see my husband struggled with the thought of supporting our children and him being quite young. But we stuck it out. Examine your reasons for the divorce, it is because of stress? Is he cheating? Are you? Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Raising children singlehandedly is going to be extremely hard, even if he says he will stay involved. As time goes by, it maight get easier and easier to stay away and not have to deal with the stress of seeing the kids on weekends and holidays and arranging this and that. But you might need a divorce, that is your decision. But I had my first at 20, my second at 23, and my third at 24. I am 33, and glad I don't have a baby to change, and still young enough to learn new tasks and skills. Keep your chin up, look ahead to what you want and be careful of who you step on to get there. If you bad mouth your husband in front of the kids or vice versa, he- you, it will be very very hard to deal with the children. Count your blessings, and try to not get depressed too much. Use this time to evaluate what you want, your priorities and goals and best of luck.

Answer 4

You can't undo the past so whether it was too early or not is no longer the issue. What you should be concentrating on now is keeping your family together and picking up the pieces and moving forward. Never live to regret the things in which you can not change. Dwelling on something that is irreversible just causes more harm then anything. Move forward with the things you can control. Although 19 might of been a bit young because you were still a kid yourself you can't change it. Now you're 25 and an adult with a family to take care of them. Make the best of what you.

Answer 5

Since you are going through a divorce doubting the decisions that you have made is normal. It probably would not be an issue if you were not divorcing. You were young when you had them but it is not too late to go to school or to get a career. You are not wrong to feel this way. The reality of being a single mother with five children to support is just weighing on your mind. Are you in the US? There is a lot of help out there for single mothers to go to college.

Answer 6

25 years old is awfully young to have the responsibility of 5 children. I am sure having so much responsibility, financial strain or having children so close, especially triplets, contributed to your marital problems.
However, this is really a mute point. The point is that they are here and this is your life for better or worse. You are not the first young, single parent and it is possible to do. It won't be easy but with some planning, help from family and friends and structure you and your kids can be just fine.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

Maybe yes and maybe no. Don't regret what you have and what you have done.

You are young and you have your future. You can go to college at any age, sometimes that can be a good thing. I was a late entrant to uni, I don't regret that for a moment. It took a lot of hard work granted, but I got what I wanted, and you can to.

My cousin has 4 children, she had her first at 15, he is now 16 and a great lad. Her youngest is 4. I have other cousins who had their families young. They to have been to college and graduated. They have traveled late in life and have careers. So you haven't made any bad choices. Love what you have, don't give up, hold on to your dreams for the future.

Answer 8

There are a LOT of women in your boat!

I think it is always better to get an education and establish a career before making the family. That way, you have something to fall back on when the men fail.

The other thing... there is light years in personal development between the high school graduation and age 25. It is fairly common for people to outgrow each other before age 30.

Answer 9

I don't think you started your family too early. If you loved the person at the time then there should not be any regrets. Relationships face problems all the time, and you have to try to resolve them. Since you have children, and 5 of them try to fix the problem. You need to raise them in a loving and caring environment. I don't have kids yet but I got married a few weeks after my graduation ceremony. Things couldn't be better and whenever we have problems we sit together talk and if we have to we compromise. Good luck and God Bless!!

Answer 10

Well it seems like you have started your family too early. You both weren't ready. There are alot of success stories in young marriage, but that is very rare. I am a single mother of a 3 yr old daughter. I had her when I was 19 yrs old. I love her to death. Luckly me and her father broke up (we weren't married) before I had another child. I got pregnant from him after we had our daughter, but decided to get an abortion due to our relationship being on the edges. I thought I was going to end up marrying him and have more kids with him, but the reality was, I was too young. I am so happy to be out of that relationship. I am currently working at a wonderful company and I the fact that I have my daughter does not stop me from traveling, or doing what I like to do. I have a wonderful family supporting me, and they are wonderful with my daughter. You can still do the things you want to, but it's going to be very difficult with 5 kids. I wish I knew you or lived near you because I would love to help you anyway possible. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, and you learn from them. This experience should make you a stronger person and your bond with your children unbreakable. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulder, and you don't resent your children. You are a very strong individual from what you wrote. I commend you for staying strong. It's going to be tough, even for me with my daughter there are so many struggles. I couldn't imagine what you must be going through. I just want to say keep you head up and stay strong. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to email me. Good luck and may God bless you this Christmas!