My husbands best friend is getting married and no one can stand his bride to be! My husband has sucked it up and agreed to be the best man ("I'll be here when he makes the mistake, and I'll be here for him when the mistake comes full circle") They moved to our town to start a new life away from their home town, and they don't have many friends here, so this girl has attached herself to me! Ugh! She's everything you DON'T want in a friend. Clingy, selfish, frequently freaks out on her bf, and demands you take sides, she's just all around bad news. She's asked me to be her maid of honor because it'd be SO cute what w/ my hubby being the best man. She really doesn't have a whole lot of friends, she alienated herself from friends and family over her recent life choices. I feel bad but I seriously don't think I'll be able to take her freaking out on ME over every wedding detail.... She emailed me the request so I'm trying to think of a nice way to say NO!!!! Help!?!?!
2007-12-20 07:41:34 · 24 answers · asked by mrs.v 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
tell her that you have a lot going on and you wouldn't be able to help out much with the planning etc. make sure to thank her for the honor, etc.
2007-12-20 07:46:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
I read your question ~ and felt really sorry for this girl. Ok, obviously I don't know what she has done to alienate her friends & family. But when you stated that they moved to start a new life, I assumed that they (or she) knew that something had gone wrong in the past & is trying to rectify it.
Whether my assumption is correct or not, I do feel badly for her for not having a relative or closer friend she could ask. If she is clingy & selfish, it sounds as if she is very insecure.
I think you should reply by email something like this:
"I am really touched & honored that you would ask me to be your MOH. However, I am sorry to say this, but I won't be able to accept. My work/school/whatever won't allow me the time necessary to help you with any of the wedding planning or details. I would be a horrible MOH for you, since I cannot contribute anything to the wedding. Again, I am so sorry, and hope you are not too dissapointed.
Do you have a close friend or relative you could ask? I don't want to take the position of MOH away from another girl who you are closer to than me. It means a lot that you would think of me, but I won't be able to devote the time or attention you deserve."
If she doesn't accept the decline, then you should ~ gently ~ tell her the truth. Again, I just feel sorry for her. You say she doesn't have many friends ~ I have also been in that situation. Trust me, it sucks to know that people don't like you. Maybe she is aware of what she does to alienate people, maybe she doesn't. Either way, if she presses the issue, let her know that she can be a bit "sensitive" ~ jokingly tell her that if she gets all Bridezilla on you at any point during the process you retain the right as MOH to let her know. I would also set up boundaries ~ for example, tell her you are only available to get together every other Tuesday (or whenever) ~ and stick to it. That way, she cannot monopolize your time & take up *your* life w/wedding planning.
Good luck!!!!
2007-12-20 12:09:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her you are really touched by her request but you don't think you can handle something like that. With my wedding, I had two friends who I had to choose between to be my MOH and I ended up choosing the one who could handle the responsibilities better (I love them both the same!). Anyway, the other friend at first felt a little sad but later knew it was for the best because she wouldn't have even thought of 1/2 the thing my actually made of honor ended up thinking of and she fixed so many last minute details that went wrong and again my other friend wouldn't have been so quick to fix. Just you don't think you could handle all that responsibility, it really is a lot to take on, more than she probably realizes (more than i realized!) and hopefully she can accept that. Good luck!
2007-12-20 07:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa L 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't say that I blame you for not wanting to encourage a relationship with this ghastly woman. It seems to me that she is asking you to be her maid of honor out of convenience and no other options available to her. Hardly good reasons to choose a maid of honor but given the circumstances, perhaps these are her only options, or her fiance suggested it to her?
What is a person to do? I don't think you will have to become her best friend if you accept, well maybe only for the day. With this being your husbands best friend, you may want to consider his feelings more than hers Accepting might be the right thing to do, if only to support your husbands friendship to his best friend. I'm sure he would be extremely grateful and you could use this situation for years to come to your advantage. A great leverage tool in future arguments.
Seriously if you do decide to accept simply out of the goodness of your heart, may I suggest a considerable amount of alcohol to cope with the stress of this hideaous woman and what will probably be the wedding from, well you know where.
My Compliments
2007-12-20 15:51:33 · answer #4 · answered by Faceless 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her. Let her know the maid of honor should be reserved for someone that is really close (like a sister) and you do not feel that connection. However let her know you could be closer to her if there was better communication and if she is willing to look at the way she treats people. It maybe very hard to do and will briefly hurt her feelings but it will ultimately help her and you. Good Luck
2007-12-20 07:53:28 · answer #5 · answered by go away 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say "no, I'm flattered that you asked but I have to decline to being your maid of honor. I don't want to be involved in wedding planning and I think it would be more appropriate if you asked a friend you've known longer or a relative to be in that position, not ask me just because my husband is the best man." Stay firm in your decision and have your husband back you up.
2007-12-20 08:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She sounds like a head case, I can understand why you want to keep your distance.
Tell her you are honored by her gesture, but that Matron of Honor (you can't be a Main once you are married) needs to be a long-time friend. Not just the wife of the best man.
Don't agree to help her find anyone else - that's not appropriate. Just be graceful and grateful; but politely decline.
good luck!
2007-12-20 09:23:12 · answer #7 · answered by krinkn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there... done that.... I'll tell you what- I'll saw off my leg for an excuse if I have too....
I said Yes to a friend's wedding whom at that point in time I was being to hate due to the fact she was exactly like this girl once she got a ring on her finger. After Months of stress and fight... since my wedding was 2 months before her's... I picked my date 1.6 years out and she picked her 5 months out... YEAH.
Long story short- I made myself sick and miserable for months only to drop out of her wedding- kick her out of mine and we not friends. Moral of the story is their is NO real poliet way to do it. Just do it. If she going to freak out about it- she is going to freak out- NOT your problem. Just don't get caught up in trying to make the peace because of your husband. Just say NO and be nice about it- and stand your ground. If she freaks and tries to ruin the guy's friendship then you know what.... if it wasn't this.. it would be something else. I am telling you all this because I don't think any excuse is going to work- she is going to be throwing a screaming fit if she doesn't get her way.
Or you could get pregant!! LOL
Good luck and be Strong!!
2007-12-20 08:13:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that money is tough for you and your husband it would be hard for both of you to be in the wedding since its your husbands best friend you thought that it would be best for him to be in the wedding instead of you. Sorry to decline but its just not in the cards or in the wallet for you to maid of honor. Good Luck!
2007-12-20 09:18:47 · answer #9 · answered by Starsky 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her no in a polite way -
Gosh I'm so flattered but i really believe that the MOH is really something reserved for your sister or cousin isn't it? Perhaps your sorority sister? someone who knows you much better than I.
Or - Gosh, that's so sweet of you - but I really couldn't. Joe is so bad about all those details that best men are supposed to do that I'm going to have to ride shotgun on him.
Or you might have to be firm. Jill, I just am not up to the duties and responsibilities of being a bridesmaid.
Or you can lie - I'm expected to be very busy this year with my work - and with the economy the way it is - I just don't feel that I'll be able to devote the time and energy required to be a bridesmaid - let alone your MOH.
Or you can simply say, I'm flattered, but I don't feel up to being your bridesmaid - or your moh.
2007-12-20 07:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 13⤊ 1⤋
I would email her back and tell her thanks for asking you that you do appreciate the thoughtfulness but your family really can't afford both of you being in the wedding. Since your husband is her fiances brother, you feel it's important for him to be the best man so you'll have to decline.
2007-12-20 07:57:16 · answer #11 · answered by Kathleen 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋