Have you ever noticed that "selfish" people complain a lot?

Question

Well, before you think of me as a "jerk" for asking that, maybe I should explain that if you complain it doesn't mean that you are "selfish", (God forbid, We have our freedoms in America, cause our founding ancestors complained about and to King George.)

I just need your review and hopefully constructive criticism of an idea that I am pondering.

Here it is:

It seems to me that “selfish” people complain a lot (sometimes those complaints are logical, and sometimes those complaints are warranted). Intelligent people (I mean deep thinking people) complain very rarely, instead, they either adjust to the circumstances or they simply go about changing the circumstances.

The question is: Please help me refine or re-think this, or point out the flaw in my logic , before I make a major decision in my life based on the above premise. --- Please "fire at will, Dudley."

(I ask this on R/S cause this is my family, and because you are the smartest people I have ever known in my life, especially the regulars.)

Thanks "tuy" - that is the type of addition I needed, in order to make my decision.

"Dude" ............

Thanks "Hayt"

Thanks folks, those are some great points, (you may land up saving my a$$ -so to say)

Answer 1

I think maybe the people are of equal base intelligence, but complainers put their intelligence/energy into complaining, and easy-going people put their intelligence/energy into something else.

Answer 2

Perhaps by "selfish" you mean "self-absorbed" or "self-focused?" Perhaps the person or people in question simply needs a change of focus, something that distracts attention away from their own woes and reasons to complain. Some people can't be drawn away, but others may be open to the right stimulus. Some people just have a narrow focus that needs a swift "kick in the head" to widen the lens. How one goes about this depends on the person and the problem and the situation, so I can't say exactly how such a situation could be remedied. Sometimes avoidance is the only way.

Answer 3

Hi Uncle I hope that I may be of some use here.

First "selfish" people and Intelligent people, with out going into the profundities of Altruism I will skip this issue here you can my thoughts on that in the latest posting in my blog.

Complaining is only truly selfish if
A: You have no right to do so.
And/or
B: Your complaint causes other to surfer at your personnel gain!

Other than this I can say no more.
Sorry I would need to know more in order to give a more precise answer.
Mail me if you want Uncle.

Answer 4

I think I understand where you are going with this. Having said that I have to say that I agree with those who suggest that you redefine your groups. As has been pointed out, selfishness is not the opposite of intellect. So, really this is not a viable comparison. All people, to some extent, are selfish. We just go about getting what we want in different way. Further, different forces often underlie our selfishness. With this in mind, we must also consider that selfishness is not always a bad thing.

I think what I am about to say may help lead you to a better way of defining your groups. It has been my experience that people with lesser rationale or who do not possess strong critical thinking skills complain more than those who do possess those skills. They do not possess the adequate tools for working their way through problems. This inability leaves them with very little aside from the identification of a problem.

Now, it is assumed that someone who is able to think rationally is someone who is able to look at a problem more objectively than someone who is less rational. What’s left? Subjectivity. We know that one of the greatest downfalls of subjectivity is that it is fueled by emotion.

Unfortunately, these people often feel threatened when faced with logical thought being applied to anything. They cannot keep up with the thought process. The best they can do is lash out and/or resort to some ad hominem argument. These people lack the skills of effective conflict resolution. All they can do is to vocalize to gather people around them who share a similar view of an issue, because, here’s the kicker, their arrogance comes into play. They have to be right, in some way, in order to feel adequate. If they cannot arrive at a solution, they just want to be right with their issue. What better way to rally support than to complain? And, the louder the better.

Their lack of rationale is evident in the way they present their complaint. It is often times incoherent. They litter their complaint with random allegations that hold no weight for which they offer no support. In other words, they rant. And really, that is where the selfishness and arrogance show through loudly and clearly.

And as you have said, the rational thinker will typically work his way through a problem. He may ask questions or put his suppositions out there, but most often, this is done to gather information and ideas - not to get agreement.

Okay, I am really starting to ramble and fear I may have run astray. My head is pounding right now and my thinking isn’t as straight as it could be. So, I will leave you with this in the hope that it helped you to clarify your thoughts, if only a bit.

Answer 5

Wasn't Jesus a big complainer?

"Oh you hypocrites..."

Perhaps complain isn't precisely the correct word, but he was clearly unhappy with the Pharisees and the Sadducees to the point of verbal polemics. But Jesus matched his complaints with new ideas ("you have heard it said...but truly I say to you...") and actions (the temple and the money changers).

Complaint without action might be somewhat contemptible. But the people who complain loud and clear and then back up said complaint with action (Jesus, MLK, recently Chris Dodd) are not selfish, they are leaders.

What is the opposite of complaint? Silence? Acquiescence? What if more people complained in Nazi Germany? Remember the old saying "First they came for the communists" (Whoever doesn't know that one, look it up.)

Where would we be if no one was complaining about the Iraq war, or poverty, or civil rights?

Answer 6

The Democrats knew their last budget was going to come up about $400 billion dollars short when they sent it to the President. And because you don't know the US Constitution, the President doesn't have line item veto power. Congress is supposed to be the ones who control the budget. Congrss has the ability to rewrite the whole budget. Democrats have now been in control for two years. See any thing different? Democrat or Republican, Congress does not know how to balance the books. Send the lawyers packing and elect CPAs. At least they can make the books balance.

Answer 7

I disagree with you to an extent.

First, you've set up a situation in which selfish people and intelligent people are on opposite sides. However, I think it is possible to be both intelligent and selfish. The smartest person I've ever known was actually one of the most selfish too.

However, I do agree that one difference between selfish people and unselfish people is that selfish people complain more. I also think that when selfish people complain, they often do so to elicit sympathy and possibly to have someone take care of their problem. When unselfish people complain, it is because they simply need to vent.

At least, that's my take on things. And I could be completely wrong... :)

Answer 8

I do not think it has anything to do with intelligence.
But Uncle you really kind of answered your own question here.
Simply put, selfish people complain because everything is about them. They are so selfish that everything should be their way and when it is not then well the complaining shall start. Selfish people see things as "Me or mine"

Answer 9

I think you've hit the mark. I might take it a step further and say unhappy people complain a lot. You might want to find out if the person is in an unhappy situation. However, I've encountered the very people you mention. (((Uncle)))

Answer 10

I'm going to agree with your statement that people who are able to think more clearly are more apt to go about accepting or solving a problem, rather than complaining. People with poor problem solving skills are going to elicit assistance through complaints. People who are confident in their abilities will request assistance directly, if needed.

I also see one other source of complaining... misery loves company.