Ok her I go.....We have a little girl 3 years ago but I kicked him out because he cheated on me and couldn't keep a job...etc..And I got with this other guy when she was two months old.And we are currently still together.And that was back in 2005....He has seen her once and that was before she turned 1.We have talked but that was back in 2006 but then I moved changed my number etc...But the other day he some how got my number and called me up wanting to know how his daughter was..He was in jail for about a year or so for not paying child support..Let me tell you he has kids...more than the average joe..The guy that I am with now dont think that i should let him see her because he thinks he's worthless. And that he hasen't before there for her.I just think that he will leave again and this time it will hurt her because she is older.What do I do??
2007-12-20 05:13:47 · 13 answers · asked by felicia_finuf2002 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It may be difficult for you, but it is right for your daughter to know her father. You could allow him to come for visits at your place while you and your partner are there. If by some chance he proves to be more reliable than he was, you might think about giving him more options later.
2007-12-20 05:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was practically the same situation. I have learned one thing though, whatever you do, no matter how worthless he is, what he did in the past, whatever he is still doing or rather not doing etc, NEVER EVER talk bad about him to your daughter. Under no circumstances. One day she will be big enough to go and look for himself, and just imagine she finds him and gets along with him 100% perfectly fine and you've been telling her all her live how bad he was. That could ruin your relationship and bond with her forever.
And under no circumstances allow him to see her on his own. If you don't feel you want to be around with him and your daughter all by yourself, I am sure you can ask a social worker to join you. I would not take my boyfriend along, it might get emotional and some ugly things could happen.
I guess I'm kind of luckier than you, the dad of my kid disappeared, no one knows where he is, I didn't sue for support nothing. He made it easy for me to cut him out of my life for good.
I hope you will be able to sort this out one way or another. It's not easy.
2007-12-20 22:00:21 · answer #2 · answered by Carpe Diem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 3 year old can't remember from one day to the next... if you want the sire to see her do so supervised.
You don't have to tell her that he is the biological father she isn't going to 'get' that and if the guy never sees her again there is no big deal.
At least wait until she can understand, your married to this guy that she calls Dad and its all a secure set up; then tell her when she is 9 or 10 years old and able to reason the situation out. Otherwise your just going to confuse her.
2007-12-20 05:24:39 · answer #3 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing, she is three years old. She probably won't know what's going on. I suggest you wait until she is old enough to understand, maybe in her early teens. It might be too traumatic now for her to have all these men in her life, and she may get confused. I have a 3 year old daughter, and am no longer with her father. Her father gets to see her every other weekend. The difference is her dad has been a part of her life, and she knows him. He is the deadbeat dad type, was abusive in our relationship, and can't hold a job for long, but she loves and adores him and his family. It is ultimately your choice, you are the mother, but since he hasn't been in her life all this time, and if she doesn't know him, why now? Wait until she's ready. For now I would get full custody of her and if he threatens you or your daughter I would also file for a restraining order. He doesn't sound like a father a girl would like to know. Fathers are role models, and she shouldn't have to know her father like this. When she is ready she will seek him out, and hopefully he'll have cleaned up his act.
2007-12-20 05:41:07 · answer #4 · answered by HawaiiGurly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend loathed the father of her child. However, because he still had parental rights, she introduced him to the child as a family friend (no mention of the word father or Dad). She told him that unless he could prove himself (regular visits, ANY regular amount of child support), he could not take the child or get the Dad name in any way. Good choice on her part. He came 4 or 5 times, no support whatsoever, and disappeared from their lives again. It's been 4 years now and not a word. She has since gone to court and had his rights stripped due to abandonment. This was to prevent the paternal grandparents from taking charge of the child should something happen to her.
2007-12-20 05:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, if he is paying child support he is legally entitled to see his daughter. The only way to change this is to go to court. If all you say is true, they should be able to grant you sole custody (if you don't have it already) and make any visits supervised. The only way to completely eliminate his involvement is to ask him to sign away his parental rights, which would also release him from any financial obligations.
2007-12-20 06:35:41 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you trying to tell a 3 year old child something this distressing.
I wouldn't discuss this with a 3 year old, who's only knowlege right now is what she sees as important in her world. YOU.
This is an "adult need to know" type of information in my opinion and not something for a child to experience until they are older and able to make locigal sense of it for themselves.
my 2cents.....
2007-12-20 05:24:16 · answer #7 · answered by aylatroy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I am inclined to agree with your boyfriend - especially if her biological father is not paying child support, then I think he has NO rights to see her whatsoever. He hasn't been in her life and isn't supporting her. Any old shmoe can father a child - it doesn't mean they can be the child's DAD.
SHe's three - too young to understand "biological" father and him going in and out of her life.... If he's not paying support, I"d keep him away. When your daughter is older, if she wants to meet him, then deal with it.
Good luck!!
2007-12-20 05:24:01 · answer #8 · answered by Mom 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he's paying child support, regardless of when or how often you get it, then yes. Every child has the right to know who their birth parents are. But you have to judge the maturity level of the child.
She may not be ready to hear this until she's older.
2007-12-20 05:22:19 · answer #9 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As much as you want to protect her and you know he is a crappy dad. Legally you can't do that. Unless you have legal soul custody and his rights have been revoked than he is allowed to his daughter if he wants too. If you want to keep that from happening you would have to have it court ordered and most likely unless he is violent they won't do that and will usually even give him ordered visitation rights. Good Luck!
2007-12-20 05:19:20 · answer #10 · answered by eiseisbaby07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋