I bent over backwards to get him what he wanted last year, it really hurt my feelings on Christmas morning when we were opening presents. It's like he just went to the store and threw stuff in the cart. Is it wrong that I'm afraid it's going to happen again this year? I got him exactly what he's been asking for and he has no idea. He's going to be elated Christmas morning.... why can't he do the same for me.
I know he listens to me! I remembers everything that I say so what is his freaking deal!?
2007-12-20 04:30:01 · 21 answers · asked by kristina 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
how bout instead of treating christmas as a day to indulge in material wealth you do one o two things
1) treat it as a religious holiday inwhich to celebrate the birth of the spiritual leader of one of the worlds largest religions
or
2)celebrate the fact that you both lived anouther year together, and will continue on being with each other
ps. My wife is the same way as your husband, though she is that way because i am extremely picky so she sets the bar low in order to not feel bad about failing, maybe hes a bad gift giver because you are a bad gift getter?
2007-12-20 04:43:20 · answer #1 · answered by Robert G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. My fiance does the same thing. People keep saying "don't take it to heart, men are just like that". I am beginning to just believe and apply that statement to avoid the disappointment . I went ALL out for his bday in March. Got him everything he wanted. HE said it was the best bday he ever had. I only spent $25 so it wasnt about money, but I put ALOT of thought and energy into planning. In Aug when mine came I expected something thoughtful. I got nothing heartfelt at all & I had to make my own cake too!
I honestly think it has nothing to do with how he feels for you. He is just a man and men just don't think like us. Tell him that you actually gave a gift with emotion & thought behind it and you feel like he didn't do the same for you. If he still doesnt change just spend your energy on something else and get him a basic, thoughtless gift too. He probably wont even notice or care but at least you wont be disappointed or resent him as much.
And to all the people who told her to just be grateful she is getting a gift: put your thoughts, heart and energy into something (not just giving a gift) for a person you love and when they dont reciprocate for a few years, tell me how you feel. You are supposed to give without thought of recei
2007-12-21 03:04:51 · answer #2 · answered by xtraluvly03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find that how we approach things is quite different than our partners...male or female. We all do things different. Putting a lot of effort in for you looks like getting him what he wants and surprising him with it. Putting a lot of effort in for him might look like him remembering to get you something or something he thinks you would like or can use. Does this mean you might get a vacuum cleaner or some random piece of jewelry? Why yes, it might.
BUT measure his love not in material but how he treats you day to day.
Then go out after Christmas and buy what YOU want.
Next time around, I say submit a list. Paste it to his forehead. And give him BIG praise when he gets you something from that. OR start asking for gift certificates.
Sometimes as adults we just have to make do with what is right in front of us. This might be one of those times.
Good Luck!
PS - My boyfriend does the same thing!!!!
2007-12-20 04:41:45 · answer #3 · answered by daisee1203 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he puts off buying gifts and at the last minute goes out and tries to find what you want but cannot.
If you have told him over and over what you want for Christmas, left notes and even showed him exactly what it looks like, he may surprise you this year.
To be on the safe side, go out and buy him something to give him as a gag gift and do not put any of his gifts out until after you open your gift from him. Then depending on what it is give him either his real gift or his gag gift. Let him be either as happy as you or as unhappy as you.
2007-12-20 04:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by Blessed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he do this? Because he is a man. Now, not all men do this, but A LOT do. My boyfriend didn't even make me a cake for my birthday and he had the day off of work, I put the frosting, candle and cake mix on the counter. And when I got home, no cake. Why? Because he said he thought I was going to make it. My own cake ON my birthday?
My sister's husband gave her cash, My stepfather gave my mother an expensive bracelet-sounds great, right? Not for my mom, she almost fainted at the cost-she hates spending money on frivolous things.
Point is, men just aren't good at giving great gifts-most of the time. It's not because he doesn't care-he's just not wired the same way as we are.
2007-12-20 04:35:52 · answer #5 · answered by Highly Evolved 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your other answers - men tend to be clueless about gift giving. I make it easy for my husband - I always want jewelry, I like two types of perfume and I love getting spa treatments or clothes shopping. For the last three years every gift has fallen into one of these categories. He likes knowing what I want and I like receiving these gifts. This year I picked out my gift and wrote a check for it. I'll get a small surprise under the tree. I suggest that you make a wish list for your husband and update it regularly - be very specific about what you want so that there's no doubt.
2007-12-20 04:44:10 · answer #6 · answered by Susan G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be ungrateful, or he may not be paying attention.
It is hard to know for sure.
Buy yourself a gift of what you wanted, and wrap it and put it under the tree with the rest of the gifts. When you open presents and you see your gift to you, open it and rave that it was just what you always wanted, and thank him for his thoughtfulness. He may think he bought it, he may think you're crazy, but he'll get the hint that you really were not kidding when you told him what you wanted.
Also, I don't know if you did this, but don't hint with guys. They don't get hints. Tell him, flat out, a list of a couple things you'd really like....
Good luck... Merry Christmas
2007-12-20 04:35:38 · answer #7 · answered by Kathryn P 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i agree that writing down a catalogue and hading it to him is the thank you to bypass. My husband thinks TOO confusing on my presents and finally ends up etting stuf that's a the thank you to sensible. i admire a paractial present , yet in addition some that are in basic terms issues i %. if your hubby gets you belongings you do not % or like.....in basic terms substitute them out after Christmas...he will probable never notice...if he does...in basic terms tell him you desperate you're able to extremely have "the coach handbag" than "the fowl roaster"...my hubby could be pleased with me doing that. Then in line with hazard he will attempt extra good next twelve months.
2016-12-11 10:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by guiterrez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you and he have different expectations about gifts. For some people, gifts are a very important expression of love, while others find them nice, but not too special. It might be that he doesn't understand the significance that you attach to gifts. A book that has really helped me understand this is "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman. I hope you'll find this book enlightening too.
2007-12-20 15:18:06 · answer #9 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should find an obvious way to tell him. Guy's are pretty dumb. I looked at some of the other answers and like the girl that left the cake mix out just proves guys are dumb. She was trying to leave a not so subtle hint and he still didn't get it. The quickest way is probably to get your mom, dad, or sister to tell him that you got him an awesome gift and that they hope he got you something that lives up to it.
2007-12-20 04:44:21 · answer #10 · answered by Dalton 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋