How can I keep my mother from disowning me?

Question

I'm going to be 18 soon and my mom and dad are separating. I don't want to live with my mother can she can be a little looney at times. I want to live with my dad until I can move out on my own, but I want to do it without my mom disowning me and blaming my father for me to be leaving her as well. I don't want to live in a house with her where I am practically walking on eggshells all the time. What can I do without making mad?

sorry without making my mother mad at me?

Answer 1

You have to do what is best for you. If I would have had to make the same decision when I was 18... I would have chosen my father too. Just let her know you love her and will still stay close with her and get together to do things often. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Hey Angel,
I am sorry your family is in such a hard transition right now. The greatest truth here is that your Mom and how she feels about things are not your responsibility. You will never be poor enough to make another person rich, sick enough to make another well, or sad enough to make some one else be happy.
However she could be really mad and still love you at the same time. Her actions and drama may not feel very loving but she may still love you non the less. Divorce is heartbreaking in the beginning and hard on everyone. You need to be with your dad. Tell your dad that. You can tell your mom that you love her and want joy for her but you need what your dad has to offer.
Then and this is the hard part make a choice to be OK with any reaction she has. How she feels about things are her choice alone. Love her and care for her regardless of her actions/reactions. She may surprise you as a mothers love can be very very strong or she may act just how you are worried. If you accept your choice and hers down the road when healing has a chance you will still be open to it.
Try to think about all the times when she has surprise you with being more understanding than you thought she would. People are never all one way they are a mishmash of conflicted reactions. There greatest nature is the desire to love and be loved so even the most fearful defensive people can achieve great things.
Good can come out of all of this just be hopefull

Answer 3

If your dad's house is closer to your school or work, you could use that as an excuse, so that your mom feels less like you are picking him over her.
When it boils down to it, if you are going to lose a relationship with your mom over it, I would just suck it up and live with her. You are going to be old enough to get your own apartment soon, and it might be worth it to help your mom through the difficult times and to prevent destroying the relationship. You didn't mention if your dad would be mad if you lived with your mom, so if not, I would stay with her. Have a discussion with her up front that you want a relaxed home environment and that if you feel like you are walking around on eggshells all of the time, then at that point you will move in with your dad or get your own place. Good luck and sorry to hear about your parent separating.

Answer 4

Sometimes the hardest people to please are the ones you love the most. I left my home at 17 because of my mother. I know what you mean by walking on eggshells. There was no way to keep her happy at the time. Looking back, (I'm 46 now) I now know there was no way to make her happy with any decision I made. No matter what I did she would have been mad. It took awhile but she got over it and now we have a great relationship. I suggest that you do what it is that will be the best thing for you. It may not be the ideal solution for others but it's your life and you're the one that needs to take care of you. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

Even if your mother is so upset that she claims to "disown" you, it will (most likely) not be a permanent thing. Some people need space to cool off. Explain to her the reasons you'd like to live with your dad and why it's easier for you to be there.. in a way that makes her understand.

You are her daughter, her own flesh and blood. Just remind her of that, and that you love her. Also, make sure that if you do move in with him you keep in contact with her, and have mother daughter days as well. She should then quickly get over the fact you chose to live with your father, since you'll still have an active and fun life with her.

Answer 6

One way or the other someone is going to be hurt when you make the decision not to live with them. Your mother won't disown you, she may be angry that you chose your dad over her, but disowning you is a bit extreme, besides you're on your way to be your own person and a young adult so if the worst cas scenario happens - she will be the one who loses if she chooses to disown you. I would explain that at this time I felt that I should stay with dad and that I would visit her frequently and send her cards, emails, etc and talk to her on the phone. All you can do is make yourself happy you're not responsible for your parent's happiness - your responsible for all that they put into your life, the good, the positive and to become a valuable, asset and productive of society. Just think with a little help - you can be on your own even if its just going away to college so that you can be out of the line of fire.

Answer 7

Hi You have to do whats best for you. Im sure your mom wont disown you if she does she doesnt have your best interest at heart. Walking on egg shells would be pretty stressful. You seem like a wise person and a caring person. I am pretty sure you will find the right choice. Make a list of for and againsts and see which one tallies up the most if against staying with mom is less then you know the answer hope i could help.

Answer 8

sweety, maybe what she needs is it pointed out to her how you have been having to live! Maybe other than just hearing your dads complaints, she needs to hear it from you too.

Tell her you feel it would be the best thing for now, so it gives her time to racionalize what's really going on. Explain the eggshell effect!!
maybe she will be upset, but once she realizes it's just not Dad, it you feeling it too, maybe she'll get smart and go seek some counceling.
Good luck and Happy Holidays.
P.S. if she seems mad, she'll get over it. she'll continue to love you! We mom's can't turn and hate or disown our kids without greater causes!!

Answer 9

Just do it. It sounds like your mother has her own problems and if she makes this one another one of her problems, that is on her not you. Mothers do a great job of throwing guilt trips to control their kids in situations like this, but if you think you would thrive being with your dad just tell her that is the choice you have made end of story.

I let my mom play that game way back in 1975 and I am still sorry I fell for it. You are your own person, go where it is best for you and tell your mother you want to keep your relationship. If she chooses to be crazy let her be crazy. She will be more crazy with you being out of her life and will come around eventually and accept your choice.

Answer 10

No offense, but your mom seems like she can be a little irrational, and if that is the case then there is no way you can make a move without her getting upset. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try sitting down with and explaining to her why you want to move in a nice and delicate manner.
Hope everything works out for you.