Question for the Stay At Home Moms....?

Question

All moms can relate to this, but I am particularly interested in the opinion of the Stay At Home Moms living off of 1 Budget....

A) Do you find you let yourself go?
B) How long did it take you to realize and start taking care of yourself again? Did this ever happpen? What makes it so hard?


This is just out of curiousity. I find I don't buy myself new clothes (even when they are desperatley needed), keep up with my own haircuts, or even wear makeup like I used too. My husband works hard to see that we are all cared for, and he never has a problem seeing to it that his needs are met.

I am kinda fed up with doing for everyone else and have decided to make this year about me because I have gone above and beyond for my family. Has anyone else gone through this? I know I am not alone in this, but I want to see how many other moms have been through this and how they dealt with it....

Thanks for the answers, I want to address 1 thing... I am not sick of being a wife/mother, I love my family very much. And I am not discovering a "new" self. It's not even that I am feeling unapreciated or anything like that.

I believe it's more of a realization that I HAVE to do things for myself. My husband knows to make time & put aside money for himself and that keeps him sane. But I never put aside money for me, and that's my concern. My daughter is well taken care of, and so is my hubby. But because I am the caregiver I have put myself last so much, that I literally look like a hobo when I walk with them! It's embarrassing, and yet it is so hard to ask for $$ just for me!

By saying I've gone above & beyond, I meant that I do an awesome job caring for my loved ones, that's all. I didn't mean that they didn't deserve it or that I was being unfairly treated. Just that I feel I am doing my job well, but perhaps that I have sacrificed too much of myself in the process.

Answer 1

oh goodness!
yes.......the clothes thing???? i can walk in walmart and see a rack of clothes my size that says everything on this rack a dollar and i will head straight to the baby wipes jumbo box or the cute spongebob hat and gloves set .i think we were created that way....but our husband can walk pass the diapers and see that work shirt and boots he "desperately" needs......thats why we are moms AND you know what?it pays off because on our children's last day of school before christmas break who did they make a paper ornament for in class????
MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

I wasn't a stay-at-home mom - I was the main breadwinner!

However - here's something you can do. AND you should do.

As soon as possible, go back to work part time. If only a couple of days a week. That will keep you employable - and believe me 20 years a grocery clerk is more employable than 20 years a "mommy." Sad testament to our country's values.

This will also keep you in touch with adults - when your world is centered around your children it's difficult to relate to adults. Trust me this will help out later when the kids are gone.

This will also help motivate you to get "fixed up" nice clothes, hair, makeup it's important to look nice at work.

A little extra $$ never hurts - put 1/2 the money into a college fund for the kids (or other major fund - house, retirement etc.) The other 1/2 is YOURS. YOU need your own money - money you don't have to feel guilty about spending - on anything for any reason. That will keep you as an adult with a mind of your own and the ability to handle money. And even if it's only $50 a week - it's your money. You don't have to ask permission (childish!) even of yourself - to spend it.

There are lots of things you could do - work from home. Work part time. Run a licensed day care. But you need to act as an adult - what better example to present to your own children but that women are adults - not chattel.

Answer 3

You know, I wish I had someone like you sticking up for me. Some days I will slack a little bit cause I have worked so hard the other days I have to give myself that break. I have a 3 yr old and 2 yr old with another on the way so I get exhausted easily. My husband complains that i need to be cleaning when the kids nap instead of napping with them. But you know what. The house isn't PERFECT, but dishes are done, I have a plan for dinner, the laundry is done, ect. My house is clean and sanitized and I feel that even though I know he goes to a hard job for 10 hrs a day I have a hard job here to. Yeah I get more breaks to sit on the computer for awhile. But I keep my butt moving on other stuff most of the day. I wish my 16 yr old brother was as smart as you. He wont pick his own laundry off the floor and both of my parents still work. You are going to be a wonderful husband and father someday! Just don't rush it! Enjoy your single life for a bit after high school or at least don't marry for awhile. I don't regret it but some days I wished I had let myself party a bit before I settled down. Tell your mom many people out there are rooting for her! And way to go to you for helping her out. Your dad should do it sometimes too. ( I have to admit that my husband can be a big help on Sunday's if he isn't fishing.)

Answer 4

I've been a stay at home mom for 15 years, yes i have let myself go, haven't worn makeup on a daily basis for years, and my hair stays in a ponytail and I look out for everyone else and what they need and most of the time I don't even get a thank you much less help. It's hard to try and put yourself first because you are a Mother, and instinct makes us take care of everybody else. You are not alone, but take pride in what you do I've realized not everybody can do what I do. The next time your with your children possible on a field trip or school function look around at all the kids whose Mother is not there for them, and take comfort that your kids know they are important to you and that when they are older they will remember Mama was always there for me.

Answer 5

I have been a stay at home Mom and have been in the workforce full time with hubby, kids, home, etc. I only let me go in the physical beautification area when I was doing the chores, or a major project.....painting, heavy cleaning, or stuff that takes 2 days to complete or more. Avoided makeup, clean clothes, and pulled the hair back. The reward after finishing up a job was to fix me up and feel good about what I had accomplished. That was the payoff. It is too easy to let us go....for too long and getting back is harder than ever to schedule, and actually do.

Answer 6

Yes, I have really been there!! I let myself go shortly after my Hubby and I got married. I am at home all day, everyday, and would just sit around and watch TV. One day, I really looked in the mirror and was shocked at how much weight I had gained!! I decided to start working out and working toward being a healthier person! I started volunteering my community 30hours a week. Joined a gym. Started eating healthy foods, and have lost 20lbs. It has been so great to come to this place in my life. And although my hubby never complained about my weight gain - he loved it when I started working towards bettering myself!!

Good Luck to you!!

Answer 7

Yes, in some ways I did - delayed hair cuts, and almost zero makeup purchases. In others not however, I took better care of myself - I managed to work out every day at the Y.

It's just a matter of finding a balance between everyone's needs and wants. And remembering that you count too. You must take good care of yourself - hair and makeup included otherwise, you'll be no good to the rest of your crew. :)

Merry Christmas!

Answer 8

Yes, I let myself go majorly! Mostly because I just stay so tired looking after 3 kids, and the house, making sure meals are fixed, the kids are clean, hubby is happy. I get so drained trying to do it all. I also get depressed because we only have one income and things get pretty tough. But I am a stay at home mom for a few reasons... I don't want strangers raising my kids, it's sort of cheaper for me to stay at home (I would have to pay a sitter or day care), and I have a slight disability that keeps me from doing most job types of work.

I have just recently noticed how bad I have let myself go and like you have decided I am fed up with putting my needs last. I am tired of not buying very badly needed clothes and personal items. I am tired of not feeling pretty due to lack of sleep and no longer using make up like I used to. I too have decided that I am going to start tending to what I need. But I am waiting until after Christmas to start anything. Mostly I need to loose alot of weight to get back to my pre child figure. As a stay at home mom though, I often feel guilty for putting myself first before my kids and husband. But I am slowly starting to grasp the concept that in order to put them before everything, I need to take care of myself and make sure I am getting what I need. I feel your frustration and I'd like to wish you good luck with changing your mind set to take care of you.

Answer 9

I have 3 teens now so it took me...........16 years to start taking care of my needs again! We get so wrapped up in our kids and spouse there is nothing left for US. I really took note of myself when I got back into church and reading the Bible. Of all places to learn that taking care of you is a selfless thing to do! U have to take care of you before you can truely care for someone else. Grab a second to think on that. If you arent healthy and happy can the people in your life be? Dont wait 16 years like I did, do it now. I have never been so happy

Answer 10

Yes I do this to you always ends up you buy for others before yourself. I only get maybe one new NICE thing for myself a year and I will notice that my hubby needs new this or that and I will tell him you need to get new...he does always say I want to have enough to take you shopping! I think for the new year we should strive to do one Nice thing for our self a week and buy one nice thing every month! We are worth it we work hard also!!!!