My son will not talk.?

Question

When my six year old gets unset or mad, or even doesnt get his way, he clams up. I call it being quiet boy. He simply will not talk to me. I think he is doing this to get attention. So I send him up to his room and tell him, he can come out when he is ready to talk. A few minutes later, he comes down and says Im ready to talk again, like nothing ever happened. Has anyone else had this problem and how did you fix it?

Answer 1

This is his way of handling upset and anger. Its not a bad thing if he feels he can control himself better this way. Our son does a similar thing and he's 5. Its not something that needs to be fixed.

Also, boys don't like holding eye-contact with adults as its combative and confrontational. So don't force him to look at you when he's in trouble, it just makes it worse.

Answer 2

Well I have a 7 year old that does that same thing, and what we do and it really seems to work is we tell him to go to his room until he is ready to talk. When he does come back downstairs he tries to pull that like nothing happened. We take him to a room other than the one with all the action happening in it and talk to him about what happened, why he is upset, what we can do to resolve the issue etc... and once we talk about it he can rejoin the activities. If he clams up again while talking we send him back to his room until he is ready to discuss the issue at hand. Sometimes it takes a few trips to the room before he is ready to talk but I promise it does work.

Answer 3

I have a son that is 8 that does this. I believe it is his way of dealing with his anger and the fact that he is in trouble or did not get what he wanted. If he knows he will get attention for this then it may become an attention seeking behaviour but you should consider yourself lucky. He is controlling his anger and not striking out. Some kids scream and lose all control over their own actions when upset. I think you are doing a good job the way you are handling it now. Continue to let him know that he can deal with whatever it is that he is upset about and when he is ready then he can come talk to you about it.

Answer 4

Okay, I'm sorry if this sounds terrible but my first thought when I read this was "Man! I wished my son did this!". My two sons ages 3 and 5 are apparently taking the opposite approach when they are mad by yelling and hitting.

Anyway, I'm not seeing a problem to fix here. He gets mad and clams up. You tell him to go to his room and come out when he's ready to talk. He goes to his room and comes out when he's ready to talk. Sounds good!

Answer 5

It sounds like you're in the process of "fixing" it already. The fact that you refuse to give into it is good, and the fact that he is able to talk with you after a few minutes is even better. If anything, it's a good technique to dealing with anger. He's calming himself down before saying or doing something irrational. Quit giving what he's doing a cutesy name (quiet boy) and continue expecting him to talk. He'll eventually tire of having to go to his room once he sees that his silent tantrums don't have any effect on you.

Answer 6

My 8 year old will do this, especially when she knows she did something wrong. I tell her what I want her to know and if she does not respond it is okay. I do not like to badger her into talking if she does not want to.
If you know he is upset or mad, I would just let him be quiet. A lot of children will remove themselves from a situation by being quiet or leaving the room. It is like a self imposed time out.

Answer 7

I recommend you read the book "Real Boys" by William Pollack. This author does a great job of explaining what he calls "timed silence" in boys, where boys clam up but speak when they're ready. Boys communicate differently than men, women, and girls, so it would be helpful to read his advice on how boys communicate. Much of the book is repetitive, but this chapter is particularly insightful.

Answer 8

This is a very simple reverse psychology tool that he's using against you. You mustn't allow a child to win psychological games against you. He knows it bothers you and it's his way of getting away from you. Just behave as though you're relieved that you don't have to hear his complaining for awhile. Don't send him away. Let him sit right in front of you and the family while he refuses to participate. He'll start to come around sooner and sooner, then maybe he won't do it at all.

Answer 9

Girl, yes! my son stills tries that with me, only he tries and pulls away when I touch him. What I do when he does that is tell him that 1."I don't like that and it makes mommy very upset with you" 2. If you don't talk to me now, you will not be able to_______(whatever he likes to do; watch cartoons, play games, etc) and 3. Tell him that when he feels like he is ready to talk and tell me why he is upset/how he feels, then we can talk. Try one of those approaches and see what happens. No matter what, don't let him get the upper hand and forget who's mommy!

Answer 10

Be glad. Some kids get violent or yell when they get upset (not mine, but I work at an elementary school). Just let him not talk. Don't talk to him. If he needs to cool down, he should calm down. Sending him to his room is a good idea, but don't make a big deal about him not talking.