Backbiting?

Question

Asalamualaikum.

There is a certain person, this person is a close relative of mine. She is kind of two-faced. For a few days we'll be all nice and friendly but then after a while she goes and backbites about me. If she doesn't like me, then that doesn't bother me but what does bother me is that when she backbites then other people start treating me differently.
What is the best thing to do? I can't avoid her becuz she is a close relation.

Answer 1

As salaamu 'alaikym warahmatullahi wabaraktuh, my friend.

Insha'Allah, recite surah Al-Humazah to her.

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim,
(In the name of Allah, Most Merciful, Most Kind)

Wailul li kulli humazatil lumazah
(Woe to every one who loves scandal and backbites!)

Alladhi jama'a malan wa 'addadah
(who gathers money and counts it)

Yahsabu anna malahu akhladah
(Thinking that this money will last forever.)

Kalla la yumbadhanna fil Hutamah
(Certainly not! He will certainly be thrown into the Crusher!)

Wa ma adraka mal Hutmah
(And what will explain to you what the Crusher is?)

Naru-Llahi-l-muqadah
(It is the lit fire of Allah)

Allati tattali'u 'ala-l-'af idah
(Which jumps on the hearts.)

Innaha 'alaihim mu'sadah
(It will be closed over them)

Fi 'amadin mumaddadah.
(in long columns.)

Then, sit her down and have a long talk with her explaining exactly how you feel when she gossips about you and "backbites", being calm, and polite but brutally honest.

Tell her it has to stop.

She will have the choice to listen and mend her ways or to continue as she has in the past. However, you will have done that which as a Muslim, you are supposed to do.

After that, if she continues, just consider the source and let it go. If other person judge you based on her distorted gossip, then they obvioulsy don't know you very well if at all and they are the one in error.

Insha'Allah, I hope that this helps and you are in my prayers.

Ma'a salaam.

Answer 2

This could be a test for you from Allah. Pray and seek refuge with Allah. Believe that he will make the situation better and do not do as she does. If the people around you believe what she says and they treat you differently, then ask those people why?Believe it or not she is not the real problem. Some people will never change, but there are the many who allow such behavior and condone it by listenening to backbiting and responding to it. She has an audience that sometimes out of fear and do not want her to be angry or to think less of them, say nothing against it. I would pull her aside and speak to her. Tell her how her behavior makes you feel and that you want a better relationship with her, but when she continues to do such things it makes you feel bad. I would speak to the ones who treat you differently in private and explain how you feel. You are going to have to ignore her or anyone in the family that mistreats you. Some people tend to submit to the person with the strongest personality and while you cannot change people, continue to treat her with respect, but speak up for yourself and don't give in to her negativity.
There is always a proper way to handle things.Insha Allah maybe she will see the error of her ways.

Answer 3

Salaam Alaykum,
According to TWK this is an absolute truth in Islam. Islam forbids us to do to each other what she has done to you. It is also told in a Hadith that two brothers having a disagreement should not stay angry at each other for more than three days.
The slandering and backbiting of one of Allah's SWT dutiful servants would truly bring down his wrath. Keeping that in mind it would be nice if it was a universal sin because it is morally the wrong thing to do and unjust and could have damaging consequences to the slandered person's reputation in the community. If she is a Muslim she is sinning against Allah SWT if not she is one of the ignorant ones and since you can't avoid her at all times then confront her to her face and ask "What purpose are you doing this to me?" If that will raise too much conflict ignore her altogether and pray a dua of protection from the slander in your dua's.
Wasalaam

Answer 4

Wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatuillahi wa barakatu my sister

I would suggest to tell her about the consequences of backbiting in this world and on the Day of Judgment. She may not be aware that everyone knows that she is backbiting, but most importantly Allah knows! We should fear Allah above all and be very concerned about our behavior in this life because we will be called to account for it on the Day. Also it is important that she knows that you do not approve of this backbiting. If she is backbiting you, I am sure she sometimes tries to speak of others to you also. When she starts to do this, give her more advice and tell her that you don't want to participate in such a despicable act as backbiting. We all need to watch what we say and be very careful because backbiting is very easy to fall into in our everyday conversations. We should be doing the best to point out the good in our brothers and sisters and cover the bad. It occurs to me that we all need to gain more knowledge about these issues and that we should all research the Qur'an and Hadith about backbiting and constantly remind ourselves and our dear brothers and sisters in Islam of the horrible consequences of these actions in this life and also in the next.

Answer 5

thats a very bad thing and unfortunately quite common throughout the world. This is what allah has to say about it
[49:12] O you who believe, you shall avoid any suspicion, for even a little bit of suspicion is sinful. You shall not spy on one another, nor shall you backbite one another; this is as abominable as eating the flesh of your dead brother. You certainly abhor this. You shall observe GOD. GOD is Redeemer, Most Merciful.

Unfortunately u can't completely change her behavior and can't really shut her off either, so the best thing u can do is to limit your conversation with her
Asalaam-u-alaikum

Answer 6

women human beings are in many situations very talkative in nature. once you* protecting you have not any theory of what are you conversing , and why and you in no way comprehend that's solid or undesirable , worth or unworthy , ., that's the certainty. approximately conversing. on account that women human beings are talkative they have been given used to this habit. yet a pious female wont try this .. backbiting stuff Peace~~

Answer 7

Wa allykum al Salam
Im going to be honest.....i used to backbite last year sssssssssooooooooooooo much. I regret it, but than at the same time ive learnt my mistake and i think im a better person. (sometimes i still talk about people but i try and stop myself) The best thing to do is tell her would you like someone you know very well to talk behind your back without you knowing and they were your best friend, close relative. My mum said that to me and i thought about it. Someone like a best friend talking to you very friendly one day and the other day they were talkin about you. And when she put it that way it made me think. She also told me about the prophets story, that somone in his time was backbiting.
Inshallah thses people who act differently with you after what she told them you should go back to her and speak to her and tell her if she'd like it and that your trying to make her a better person try and not be mean (i know your not) inshallah pray for her and ALLAH will forgive her inshallah!
Hope i helped
Salam

Answer 8

There is nothing you can do. Just be yourself and hopefully the other people will see who is being truthful, remember that the truth always comes up. Don't avoid her but don't be too close to her either so this things won't affect you as much. Good luck!

Answer 9

Asalam Alaikum
This is hard when it is family. I think you should get a family member that is close to you both and sit down and talk it out with the both of you. And have it explained to her the sin of backbiting. InshaAllah she will stop and not do it again.

Answer 10

The Punishment for Backbiting (Ghaibat) on the day of Judgement is that they will be ordered to eat the flesh of their brothers..(dead fleash)
God Save us from this Menace..


TW K