Should young military personnel get married while in the military?

Question

Hi I wondering, should the miltary actively discourage marriage for young military personnel while in the military? It seems unfair for young families to move constantly, and when their spouse is on active duty, the long periods of seperation has tremondous strain on a marriage. Depending on the service, there could be a continous amount of seperation time due to deployment schedules. And not including the huge financial stresses, along with the added stress of having children, would it be wise for the military to actively suggest young couples to wait till they serve their service before marriage?

Answer 1

I do know that they do encourage counseling for E1-E3. And young spouses are encouraged to attend briefings on financial management, AF 101, HeartLink (intro briefing), etc. Us more experienced spouses also tend to take them under our wings and help them.
As one who grew up as a military brat and then married an airman, I really don't see it as "unfair". Before I was 10 I had lived in 3 different countries, spoke 2 languages, and could adapt to just about anything. My girls are experiencing the same thing. They've lived and traveled all over Europe, speak German, seen places and been places that many people NEVER see in their lifetime. We prepare ourselves and the girls for moves so that it's an adventure, not a hardship. And we prepare for separations. We spend extra time together, we write letters, we get together with others who are also separated, .....

As for waiting, hubby and I waited until he put on E4. If we had waited until he got out, we'd still be waiting, 19 years later!!

Answer 2

There are many reasons, but most boil down to time. When you are constantly moving (most move an average of every 2-3 years), it's very hard to settle anywhere. Just when you get comfortable, it's time to plan on moving again. Because of this, when you meet people they are at various stages in their moving cycle. Time becomes much more precious when you meet someone you connect to. Emotions are also heightened, and in order to hang on to that feeling, they get married. Military life can be very lonely, especially if it's hard for you to make friends. Even if you have a lot of friends, there's still a void because the familiarness of family isn't there. I've seen this phenomenon outside of the military as well. Marriage, divorce and prenancy happen way too often in the military. Much of the time the military member can spend deployed which makes is so easy for the spouse (or the member) to cheat. It's rare to see a couple who has not cheated on each other. Aside from cheating, divorce often results because the two people find they are incompatible or the military member is away too often. Military life is very hard on everyone.

Answer 3

I would say maybe people should look into it more because sometime soldiers get married for the wrong reasons.
My husband and I were dual military with a child and we had always made the best of the situation. Since I have been out it still isn't that bad.
The military offers alot of support.
It takes a very strong person to be a military spouse. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Answer 4

So if someone's going to be in the military for 20 years, they shouldn't get married til they're 40? That's silly. Marriage is hard, in the military, outside the military.. young people getting married usually is a bad idea, but people are going to do it. There's nothing unfair in families moving, or deployments, etc.. That's just part of the deal. Some people can hack it, some people cannot.

Answer 5

My niece is going through that right now.

She was born and raised in So. Cal. Married her HS sweetheart who joined the military and was promptly transferred to a military base back east where we have no family. Once he got on base, he was temporarily transferred for training to a base in the South, leaving my niece by herself in a state where she doesn't know anyone.

And she is the epitome of a spoiled southern California girl who knows very little about the rest of the world.

I think she should have waited to get married until his training was done and impending deployment to Iraq (everyone goes nowadays) was completed.

I have to wonder if she is thinking the same thing now.

Answer 6

I am a military wife. We have 3 kids. Yes there are deployments where we are separated but the Army provides many ways we can communicate (phone, email, letters etc). I personally can't imagine being a civilian wife again-the kids like being army brats too-in fact my 16 year old is joing the Marines whens when he graduates. I can't imagine raising our kids as a civilian family anymore-it is actully easier raising a family while in the military i think.

Answer 7

My husband is a lifer and I can't imagine him never being allowed to marry. We married young but we both knew what we were getting into. He has just returned from a year long deployment; it was challenging but something we voluntarily took on. If people love each other and are COMMITED to be together until death, no matter the circumstances, then military duties, or not they should be allowed to marry.

Answer 8

No the Army has enough things they regulate for soldiers that they can't tell someone to not get married. The soldier should talk with the person he/she is marrying about the hardships they will be facing when they get married.

Answer 9

Currently the military Encourages young military personnel to get married because they get paid more and get better living conditions if they get married.

I think the military should pay single and married Soldiers the same so they can make their own decisions without government intervention.

Answer 10

Absolutely not.People should get that kind of guidance from their families,pastors,friends,etc...not from an employer and def not from the government.
For the record:
I am an Air Force wife of only 4 years but he's not been deployed yet and we were only separated for basic training and tech school(a few months total).