Help? Why do i feel this way about them?

Question

My father was abusive to my mother (one time she even went to the hospital because he hit her in the head so bad that she was bleeding) and when I was a kid. I could still remember when he beat me and my brother; I just to have bruses in my arms and legs. We had to take showers with only cold water. From the constant hits on my legs I had to wear something to straighten them because is just to walk with legs going to each side. He came drunk and hit us. I just hide under the bed or in the closet. That was only when I was 6- 7 years old (what I could remember). He was a lawyer and cheated on my mother 2 times in our country. One with a woman he met in a town, and the other time with his secretary. When I was 7 years old. He left to America with his secretary and married her. And he lie to my mother and his family, he first told them that he was going to be sent to another city for a little while to work and when he didn’t call for weeks my mother went to the place he worked and ask them if they knew how could she contact him and that’s when they told her that my father was cheating on her with his secretary and that the secretary hasn’t showed up for work for weeks too. When they called the family of the secretary, the family told them that she went to America. Days later, my father called my mother and told her that he only came to America to make some money. My mother was angry at the fact that he cheated on her and she as well beat me and my brother with a belt. After the woman he married (secretary) cheated on him with his best friend, he divorced her. He came to our country when I was ten and lie to my mother once again that he only married that woman for the papers to become a citizen. When he was there he only sent $300 a month out of the $600 in a week he earned. My mother worked day and night and i didn’t see her that much but when she was here during the week-ends she beat us with the belt when she got mad at us with no reason. We lived with our Grandparents house with uncles and ants that lived there. My grandparents took care of me and my brother. He only brought my mother to America and we stay back with our grandparents. When my mother was there with him, my father beat her constantly and badly (One time he throw her pee that he had in a bucket). After a year when came I was 12 year years old I came to America with my brother. He also beat us until my mother one time called 911 and he got arrested. He had to go to psychologist. He stop beating us for a while but one time he beat me and I was sad and cut my self with a scissor and every time anyone hit me I will go somewhere( closet), cry and cut my self. I stop doing that. It’s been 4 years already that I had stop, to be exactly. One time my mother caught my father one more time cheating on her. When she was driving she saw my father car behind Parth Mark and he was with another woman, but were not doing anything. The other woman was in the passenger seat smoking. Well, after that my mother forgave my father. My father no longer hit us. I was told my guy that lived with my father when he came that he used to hire prostitutes. But one time I called him, and a women answer her phone I check if I called the right number and yes it was my father number, My mother and I also saw my dad going somewhere but didn’t see where he enter while he denies it and says he was working. My dad also speaks when he is at sleep. And says “Reina” all the time.

My father went thru a lot of stuff when he was a kid and had 10 brothers and sister he was beaten by he father more badly than us. He had to work selling candies and if he didn’t brought back money he will be beaten by his father. His father cheated on he mother many times. He was poor and suffered for food and money. I try to understand his pain sometimes but yet I can’t seem to forget what he did to me.

i don't seem to love my father nor my mother but i don't hate them either. I care about them. but i'm sad at the fact that my dad might be cheating on my mom. I care about my brother because he went thru the same time. What should i do?

Answer 1

Your father's abusive past was no excuse.... just because he was beaten and abused by his father, gives him no right to abuse you.

Child abuse and domestic violence are crimes in the United States.. and they leave DEEP EMOTIONAL SCARS.

The best thing you can do now, is to go to therapy... many of us (including me) suffer post traumatic stress disorder as the result of childhood abuse...

If you'd go to therapy, and do the work it takes to learn to cope and move forward with life, it would help you tremendously.

Your father has emotional issues which led him to mistreat you. That does not make it right... and i hope you will get HELP so the cycle does not continue.

take care of YOU.. that is the best thing you can do.

Answer 2

What you should do is to focus on making sure that YOU are okay.You've gone through a lot. As for the pain that your dad may have had, that doesn't justify how he treats his family. The same goes for your mother. You might want to think about seeing a therapist, or really just getting someone to talk to. It's time to concentrate on your own life, to make it better.

Answer 3

Get as far away from your family as possible, do not call, do not visit, get counseling, get your life in order, move on and forget they are alive.

Answer 4

you need to remeber all of this stuff so when you ever become a parent you know what NOT to do to your family!!