his baby was born today, and im so confused and upset.?

Question

I am so confused by the last 24 hours events, and feel guilty for getting upset.
just over a year ago i found out i was pregnant with by someone i had been with just over a year. he told me he wasnt ready to be a father and wanted nothink to do with the baby. i believed that he was too immature and selfish to be a dad so decided i would be best a single mother. 3 months later i found out that someone who he hardly knew was expecting his child, and he was supporting her. i felt so let down and it took me a long time to except the situation. he frequently tells me that it is me who he wants but he's stuck with her. i have even been supportive to him about the other baby.
i have not long received a message off him telling me that the baby was born this morning and that he is happy.
i cant understand how someone who he apparently loves he can eave a single mother, and never see his child, but someone who he "doesn't even like" he can support. im just so upset about it all.

he has never seen my daughter (who is now 6 months old) and his family doesnt even know about her, because he doesnt think they would be happy.

Answer 1

Girl, you are a 'saint'...and this guy does NOT deserve to be in the same room as you, you are a totally amazing person, and you don't even realise it !!

This man, has got two girls pregnant, and has still got them both feeling that they are the 'best thing that ever entered HIS selfish life !!!'.

He wants both situations, a girl (with his baby) that is prepared to take him in whatever, to sooth his troubles, and one that (with his baby) is prepared to cook, clean and look after him like his mother, who by the way, is totally, it seems oblivious, to the fact that her son, is having children, without the total responsibility of looking after them, or their mothers.

He is the sort of guy that, once the novelty of his 'new born' runs out, he'll be back to you with a 'sob story' and expect you to listen, and you probably will...please don't.

You're getting upset, and depressed because of the way he's been treating you, but why should you suffer ? there's so many guys out there, that will treat you with far greater respect, and the care and love you deserve. You've gone this far and brought up your 'little one' for this length of time, now let this guy go, and live with this other girl, and get on with YOUR future and that of your baby.

Hope you make the right decision, don't be anybody's 'mug', you're better than him, a whole lot better, and stronger !!

a friend x

To you especially, enjoy your Christmas with your babe, and don't give him another thought.

Answer 2

you are young and understand VERY, VERY ,VERY, LITTLE about "god", theology or science BUT it is a GOOD thing that you notice and think about such things in the 1600s there was a big religious fight about the sky. people got burned at the stake for heresy over the question: did the earth go around the sun, or did the sun go around the earth finally somebody, a priest said: "the Bible teaches how to go to heaven, NOT how the heavens go" it was 200 years later in the 1800s when the church apologized and said they were wrong. by 1800s everybody knew there were millions of different kinds of living things some people thought (mistakenly) that god made everything as is a along time ago and things never changed. about 1850 after a long biology trip, Darwin pointed out that every off spring is like its parent, but a little different. you are NOT exactly like your mom and dad but you are similar Darwin said that changes "add up" over very very very long periods of time and that explains the diversity we see of life. some preachers (mistakenly) think that, that is some how, an attack on god there are 6,000,000,000, people on earth, a few major different religions Christianity, Islam, Hindu etc but almost nobody believes EXACTLY the same thing.. they all have stories of how the world came to be as it is. none are the same nothing you can do as a child can possibly "upset" a being that could create a universe. how important do you think you are?

Answer 3

This is a very sad situation but it seems to me like he is an A** hole and you just need to leave him alone...if he doesn't want to be in your childs life then hit him up for child support and worry about your child. You could be jealous and sad and resent the fact that he's taking care of another child and not yours even though he says he "loves you", sorry to say he doesn't love you and he's even more horrible for not loving his child. Being a single mother is very tough but you need to step up and do what you have to do to protect your child. Forget him, don't be so hung up on this guy because in the end this could possibly hurt your child....You need to move on and understand that this is not your fault or your childs and he will get whats coming to him and its gonna hit him hard, you just wait and see. But for now be a mother to your child and do the best you can do becasue your daughter is more important than this situation.

Answer 4

Two things come to mind here, one is that you are a lovely kind person who had the maturity to let go of someone who wasn't ready to commit to a child or a relationship, second is that he is immature and led by his need to philander, he has got himself involved with someone who is probably demanding and needy, and has controlled the situation to her advantage, be strong and take care of yourself and your baby, there will be a young man out there who will bring you the love and companionship which you deserve. I was a single mum too so I know what it's like to be on your own, take whatever he gives freely and don't expect anything else from him and you wont be disappointed. Keep yer chin up.

Answer 5

Hi I agree with blondie9.... I cannot blieve this bloke if I was you I would never speak to him again, Does he see his child that he had with you ? if not then why are you talking to him in the first place. I would just loose all contact with this guy as its not doing you any favours going thorugh this pain,

If you see him regular why not ask him why he left you and why did he not want anything to do with you child but will stand by this woman and baby, he seems like a total looser and you are better of without him find a better bloke just make sure you get some maintainence of him and then dont ever see him again.

Same situation is happening to a friend I know, she was living with her boyfriend found out she was pregnant and then he left her and ran, he is now with someone else and she is pregnant to but he is still living with her, I can imagine how she feels having to move out of her home she had with this guy and loose him to as well as knowing her boyfriend is having a baby with someone else and didnt do a runner. But she seems ok with it and is trying to get as much money out of him as she can. which I think he deserves, some lads are just total wankers.

Answer 6

Sweetie, don't lie to your self. If he's with her, it's not because he doesn't love her... he can tell you all he wants.

I know, I've been there before... my ex told me he loved only me, that I was the one for him, and told me all these lies about the girl who had his baby... but you know, every time she snapped her fingers he was there... even after everything he said about her. I actually got to talking to her, and met her... she's not at all what he pictured her as... she's a very smart beautiful talented young woman, who just happened to fall for the same lying A-Hole I did... And as it turns out, he told her all those same lies about me to her, and apparently, continues to do so. It took a long time, but I now realize that he's not with her because of all the excuses he told me, he's there because that's where he wants to be. I have a very wonderful man in my life now... although we're not together, YET... but he makes a very valid point... in his words: "All the "I love you's" in the world don't mean diddly squat if you can't prove your love by your actions."

My ex is with her now... and they're going to get married... He always told me if he did something like that it would only be because of the baby... I don't think that's why he's doing it, he might love her, I don't even know, but you know what? I'm glad to be out of that... If they do get married all I can do do is wish them both happiness, and hope that down the road, he doesn't decide to find another girl to replace her, she doesn't derserve that... Maybe the baby has made him grow up a bit... I doubt it.

I'm sorry sweetie. I know it's hard to hear, but trust me, the sooner you open your eyes, the better off you will be.

Blessed be...

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Answer 7

I think you should concentrate on your baby and look into getting child support orders set up.

You sound like a good person, you just need someone to be on your side for once. Keep in mind that someone will come along and love you AND your child.

Good Luck

Answer 8

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

It will of course feel like a slap in the face that he is supporting this new girlfriend whilst ignoring your child.

He IS immature and that is obvious from the way he cannot decide what he wants. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it by sticking by her yet keeping you hanging on.

I think it's time to get tough and tell him that unless he wants to be invovled in your child's life then he should just leave you alone and give you a chance to move on.

Answer 9

Not that's a half-a*s man right there. You need to leave'em alone, cause he obviously doesn't even care about you or his baby. Make sure you collect child support from this guy and give the best life you can give to your child by having him not involved b/w Mom & Dad drama when he/she gets older.

He is a half man, just move on and don't worry bout him or the skank he's with.

Answer 10

Obviously, he is stringing you along and probably gets some sort of sick enjoyment out of making you unhappy. Maybe you should sue him for child support. He is a jerk who will probably never change. Believe me, you don't need him in your life. You are better off alone then with someone who treats you like this.