Can anyone tell me some really funny jokes? Any type i just want a laugh in this boring lesson i am in!!
2007-12-20 01:44:42 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Yes. What do you call the good old days?
2007-12-20 01:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
OK here's one .A woman goes to a restaurant and says to the waiter ‘‘I’m on a diet, so I’ll have a bowl of mushroom soup for starters, a deep fried steak with a dozen onion rings and rice on the side for the main meal and a ice-cream sundae for dessert.’’
The waiter with a surprised look says ‘‘what kind of diet are you on?’’
She replies ‘’I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.’’
Here's another:
Two men are killed and go heaven.God then goes to them and gives them a tour of everything, then they come across a pink cloud and God says tells them not to step on the pink cloud.But when he leaves one of the guys step on it and an ugly woman appears.Wondering what will happen next the other guy steps on the pink cloud and a beautiful woman appears.
''How did you make her appear?'' the first guy asks
Before he could answer the woman says
''I stood on a pink cloud.''
2007-12-20 11:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by smapuvire 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HOOKER TAX
One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution.
The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation.
She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation.
An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer."
He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution."
She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year."
TWO HOOKERS
Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.
"It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls.
"How can you tell?" says the other.
"I can smell co*k in the air" replies the first hooker.
"Sorry", her friend replied, " I just burped!"
2007-12-20 09:58:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I went into the chemist today and I asked the little blond girl behind the counter for some deodorant She asked is it the ball type sir? I said no its for under my armpits!!
2007-12-20 19:15:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a maths lesson (and this is true) and the teacher asked me to stand up,he then asked me "if you had £3.26 in one trouser pocket and £8.52 in the other trouser pocket,what would you have"..I thought about the question for a minute or two then replied "someone else's trousers on sir lol
2007-12-20 09:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Old lady dies and goes to heaven.While waiting at the gates with St.Peter she hears a blood curdling scream...."What was that?" she asks.Oh that was the angels having a hole bored in their heads for their halos he replies".Oh right" she says nervously.Almost immediatley she hears another scream."Oh come on now,what was that!""Oh that was the angels having the holes bored for their wings"he replies."Here I've changed my mind about coming in"says the old lady"I think I'll just go down below instead""Oh you don't want to go there"says St.Peter"They'll rape and sodomise you""Yeah,but I've got the holes for that!!
2007-12-20 10:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by Small person 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was driving along when this crazy woman whizzed by me and cut me off in traffic, then shot the finger at me from her rear view mirror.
I immediatley followed her honking at her and told her to pull over that I was calling the police.
When she pulled over in the parking lot she was shocked that I got out and had called the police, who immediately came into the parking lot with lights flashing.
I said "Lady is this your car?". She said "Uh, yes it is".
I said "From the way you were driving and flipping me off and the fact you have a Jesus is Lord bumper sticker, chrome christian fish emblem, hanging Jesus and crosses from your rear view mirror........ I assumed you stole this car!!!!".
Moral of the story - practice what you preach.
2007-12-20 09:53:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two nuns are driving through the forest when suddenly a vampire jumps on the bonnet. The first nun screams "Aaaah what should we do!?" the second nun says "Show him your cross!". So the first nun opens the window and shouts "GET OFF THE BONNET YOU F***ING C***!"
2007-12-20 09:49:46 · answer #8 · answered by Cellar Door. 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Two carrots walking down the street...
Car comes racing around the corner...
Wham,hits one of them...
Ambulance comes and takes him to E.R. ...
Other carrot paces in waiting room waiting...
Doc comes out and tells him"Well I have good & bad news...
"What's the good news" asks carrot?...
"He's gonna make it"
"Well what's the bad news?"
"He's gonna be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
Merry Christmas hope I got a smile
2007-12-20 09:52:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
a black man went to the doctors because he couldnt stop jogging on a spot. the doctor poured white powder across the table in a line and told him to snort it. the man did as told, and he soon stopped jogging ....."good stuff this doc what is it coke?" the man said....."no arial..it stops colours running"
( im not bein racist here i <333 black peeps but this is the onli joke i no n even me black m8s find it funny)
lol :D
2007-12-20 09:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by leahhh 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
i don't have a funny joke.. but i can suggest sth...
put a gum (a one with color ) and chew it not fully just few chews and then sneeze it to the nearest person sitting beside you ...
that happened accidentally with me yesterday and i can't stop laughing each time i remember that...
2007-12-20 09:52:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋