My boyfriend just found out that I let past boyfriends take nude pictures of me and he's flipping out. He got really upset and wants me to get them back because he doesn't want another guy having nude photos of me. The problem is I've done it with a few different guys and I don't know how I'd get them all to give them back and even if I did how would I ever know if they gave them all back? What can I do to get my boyfriend to just realize it's in the past and let it go?
2007-12-20 01:40:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So you posed nude for a boyfriend. Big deal. Who hasn't? Tell him to get over it. Tell him to just be glad you didn't make a sex tape like Paris Hilton. Lol.
2007-12-20 03:34:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
(1) To the extent that such things are between you and your ex boyfriends it would probably be a good idea to limit any such disclosures in the future. If you haven't already, I wouldn't tell him that "getting them back would just be impossible, babe; there are just too many out there. Ya know?" That would probably go over as well as a load fart at a quiet wedding.
(2) Understand the way the way his mind is working. All guys are different and some don't care, but for many men there is a mental distinction between the way they see and feel about you- emotionally and sexually- and the way they feel about girls that they see in pornos, etc. The idea of you in such pictures gives rise to cognitive dissonance. For when he concieves of the idea of you in such pictures, he attributes the qualities of a debased sexual object (like a porn actress) to this idea of you- who he simultaneously hold in high regard with deep emotional investment as a relationship partner. Follow me? The fact that other men have the pictures allows for the debased conception to have a reality for him in a way that just knowing you had previous partners does not. That knowledge is figmentary, he could never hope to or fear seeing it; in precisely the way that he will fear stumbling upon it online or having a friend point it out to him. Doesn't matter if it would happen - its whats in his mind that matters. This is all normal behavior and doesn't mean he is a control freak.
(3) Advice: (a) Highroad: make a good faith effort to contact the former guys get agreements to destroy the pictures or give them to you. This is not an unreasonable or intrusive thing to do as they are pictures of you- well you're the relevant sexual content anyway. Then report your success back to your boyfriend.
(b) The Lowroad (recomended): Try to contact any of the guys that it wouldn't be suprmely uncomfortable to ask. Especially any that your boyfriend might know or ever meet. Regardless of what happens tell your boyfriend that you keep finding that the guys deleted them when: computer crashed, got a girlfriend, installed a new operating system, got a new computer. If they're prints then the got a new girlfriend one will work or he was afraid that someone would find them.
---Generally you don't want to lie but in this case do remmeber that your boyfriend doesn't have any right nor reasonable expectation to be provided with details of previous relationships. He's basically asking you to do what is necessary to make him feel better, feel as though his concept of you will not be threatened now or later. People will say that its bad to lie in relationships, but if it is an important relationship then the truth will probably gnaw at him and surface in other ways until you split. Either way, definetly develop some more guarded discosure rules. Here's a start: If you wouldn't want your parents telling you about it, then don't tell your boyfriend.
2007-12-20 07:45:45 · answer #2 · answered by Slanty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your bf has issues with people seeing you nude even in pics then he needs to chill out some. there's nothing wrong with people admiring your body. And neither is there anything wrong with people seeing pictures of it. lots of people pose nude for various reasons and since we are all basically of the same design none of us really have any reason to hide or feel embarassed or ashemed if others see us.
He may be worried they might be lustfully viewing you and wanting more than just a look., However, I suspect once those prior relationships broke up the other guys lost interest and rarely look at the photos assuming they even kept them.
Of course if he insists you get them back, he is opening the issue up to remind them they have/had those pictures and they will undoubtedly take a good look once again.
So infomr him to stop being such a selfish prude and that instead of getting yrou pics back you want to send all yoru ex;'s pcs of him so they know what a hunk you are with now.
(well, okay that last line was abit of a joke but all in the interest of trying to lighten his mood.)
2007-12-24 01:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. Tell him that if he can't deal with your past then how are you two going to have a future. Don't get them back, those pictures are between you and your ex-boyfriends. If you try to get them back then he will feel as if he control you and the relationship. Let him know that it was your past and if he want you and likes you then he need to respect it. Hell, tell him he could probably get some nude photos if he act right.
2007-12-20 01:46:25 · answer #4 · answered by King L 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The past is the past and we cant change it even if we want to.
Those guys are ex's, they mean nothing to you and this is what you have to tell your boyfriend.
After that its up to him to deal with it.Or not.
No point in asking for photos back cos they'd say they lost them or make copies etc.
Though you should be careful of who you let photograph you.These things have a habit of popping up and biting you in the backside!
2007-12-20 04:40:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him what you just did to us and then give him an ultimatum:
"Either you get over the fact that you aren't now or ever will be the first guy I dated, slept with or let take photos of me, or we should terminate this relationship now and save us both a lot of headaches and arguments!"
That ought to cover it....
2007-12-20 01:47:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well he is insecure in this relationship,Ive took and had pic. before and its not that big of a deal. still have them for myself. sounds like he needs to grow up and get secure about his manhood
2007-12-20 04:26:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to f-off until he is mature enough to deal with things properly.
2007-12-20 01:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by asmoothrider 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am giong through the exact same thing!!!!!
Just reassure him that you only want him and that it is over with that's all u can do!
2007-12-20 01:47:08 · answer #9 · answered by sexybichik09 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do the same with him, he wont feel left out then ! then send them to me ! lol x
2007-12-20 01:44:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋