What would you think if you received such "happy holidays" greetings?

Question

"Please accept without obligation, expressed or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive and gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures).

The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, age, physical ability, religious faith or lack thereof, choice of computer platform or sexual preferences of the wishees."

So, what do you think?

(((mags)))

(((penguin)))

Rachel: yep, too many words... but I'm a future lawyer, after all!

vishal: yes, it was... it's Legalese

of course, snarky! but you will haму to tell me about the reactions you'll get ;)

(((((((((Catti))))))))))

Answer 1

I think that's a lot of words to just say "Happy Holidays."

Answer 2

Eliminate the reference to the "Christian" calendar (technically it's called the Roman calendar anyway), take out any mention of "religious or secular" as the mere mention of such things offend others. Make sure you don't title it "Happy Holidays". Holiday is a derivative of "haligdaeg" an Old English word which means "holy day". In fact, just remove the part from after the word "solstice" to "and further", and also delete any reference of any calendar whatsoever, because some people might not believe in a calendar. You will also need to avoid any comments about money, i.e. "fiscally successful" as this implies that money is important, and this would offend those who don't believe in the use of currency and live by the barter system.
Once you've done these things, make sure you spell check. Some people find misspelled words offensive.
When you have completed these things, you have created the perfect "PC" greeting.
Now take the greeting and throw it in the trash. You obviously don't understand how offended some people get just by receiving a greeting card at this time of year, because it implies you are forcing your beliefs that a holiday exists around this time of year simply by sending greetings.

Answer 3

It's a nice thought. Was it written by a lawyer? It looks like it was. :)

EDIT: I could tell because my boss is a lawyer and if she sent out a holiday greeting it would sound a lot like that.

Answer 4

That would be great! First I would laugh my a** off, then I would totally agree with everything it said, just didn't have the guts to say it myself.

Merry Giftmas & Happy Festivous!

Answer 5

I'm confused. Why do you spell "practice" as "practise"?

Oops did I miss the point...not really...I love it!
I actually like the alternate spelling as well. :)

Ps can I borrow this to plaster is all over myspace? I wanna see how many people email me saying..."WTF"

Answer 6

I'm offended. It is permissible to be gender discriminatory in that greeting. Sure, you could offer gender neutral holiday wishes, but you are allowed to extend it to a man or woman or both. That's too many "ors" for me.

............
Merry Christmas sweetie!(please don't be offended!)

((((((((((((Tigger))))))))))))))

Answer 7

Way too PC, makes my skin crawl with it's inoffensiveness!

Answer 8

i think it will be along time coming before Halmark puts their name on it.......but I like it, and I think it would bring a lighter note to the holidays to recieve such.........and it is kinda funny!

Answer 9

the only thing i would have a problem with is "non-addictive". ya know, since i like my whisky so much.

Answer 10

You are very kind! Happy days to you as well.