me and mom arent talking?

Question

i had worked for my my mom for a year when she fired me.she has 2 companys. two years ago mom and stepdad divored. everytime she was in a bad mood she would find a reason to blame me from the wheather to the reason for her divorce. i told her for the past year if she keeps fighting with me that i would walk away and never turn back.when she fired everyone at her bar including me for no reason i left and havent looked back.she has picked fights with my 2 adut daughters. i miss her and dont know how to get back in her life .i will not go back to being her target
help robin

Answer 1

In a word, counseling. A mother should never treat her child that way...she clearly is caught up in something...see if you can't work it out with someone...there is nothing greater than a mother's love and I feel badly that you and your mom arent' getting along.

Answer 2

Don't think of communication as currency to be exchanged. Just give little but often. That way your mum won't feel obligated and you won't feel let down if you don't get an immediate response. People often think that Christmas is a good time to 'bury the hatchet' but the season has become very commercialised and it is likely that any overtures will be met with the feeling that the giver wants something in return.
My advice would be to pick a date that has no commercial link but may have some personal significance. Then send a card that you have made yourself - it doesn't matter if it's not polished or professional. Don't include a long message that could be misinterpreted and don't allude to any past problems just give a simple greeting. i.e. 'Thinking of you and the good times we have had'.
Then the important thing is to follow this up with further greetings even if you don't get a response. Remember you don't need your Mum to grovel in apology you want to make a fresh start with the slate wiped clean.
Eventually you could build up to an invitation to meet somewhere public and neutral. Be specific about location and time and be there yourself even if you don't get a response.
By doing this you are showing your mum that your love for her is unconditional and that you understand the stresses se has been under. If she repeats her use of you as an excuse for all her problems then don't take the accusations personally - they are just an expression of her unhappiness that she feels she can give vent to with someone she feels safe with. Don't enter into an argument just give her some space and return when she has had time to cool down. She will hopefully eventually realise that her negative behaviour results in not having your attention. Pretty much the same technique that can be used with problem teens. Don't give up.
Good luck and season's greetings.

Answer 3

I know wxactly what you are going through. I am 17 years old, a high school graduate, and i dont stay with my mom. When she would get mad, she would take her anger out on me. That had went on for a very long time. But when i sat down and thought about, life is too short, your mother could be here on day and gone the next day. You dont know what you have until its gone. If i were you i would set things straight with my mother, before it becomes too late.

Answer 4

Well, you won't get anywhere unless you communicate with her in some form. Give her a call, or if you're not up to that, a letter, or e-mail. Tell her how you feel, the good and the bad. If she's receptive, wonderful! Get together, have lunch or something and catch up. If she's still spewing vemon, you may just have to accept that a happy relationship with her is not in the cards.

Answer 5

You need to decide what is more important to you, the past or having a relationship with your mom. Remember she's not going to be around forever, do you want the regret of this issue not being resolved once she's gone. I'm sure as always she was angry and hurting and took it out on the wrong people, we all do it. I don't think she meant to hurt you, talk to her and be honest with her before it's too late, but that's just my .02

Answer 6

You probably don't want to work with your mother any longer(or anyone that blames you for everything anyway)
I had a major falling out with my mother, she had to learn to respect me as an adult(same as your mom) I wrote her a letter telling her everything she had done to p1$$ me off and ended it with laying down the law.....either treat me like an adult daughter or go away and stay away. It took her 6 years! Now things are much much better. That time away, as long as it was, was good for her and I. She learned to be more like a loving mother and I learned to be truely an adult.
Good luck, family relationships, mother and daughter especially are very complex.

Answer 7

i know how you feel i mean being in a fight with my momma but i have never been fired by her. my mom rather me help her. n-e-way well when and my momma got into fights i would fix her some coffee or a little something. well my best friend can relate to something like that. she was always fighting with her step mom. her step mom would beat her all the time and for this christmas shes planning to buy her something she would like. b-c she wants to stop the fights!

Answer 8

that's very sad that you and your mom aren't speaking - but you can still have a relationship with her - you have to tell her exactly how you feel and when she starts giving you crap you have to tell her and don't take any sh*t from her - my mom is pretty much the same way (my 2 brothers and I will give each other the heads up when she's pissed off because when she's mad at one she normally calls the other 2 and picks fights with them also) - I've just stopped humoring her nonsense - we still have a sort of rocky relationship at times but she knows I don't play her games anymore

Answer 9

I think you should make it clear to here that you are not going to be picked on any longer. Her issues are not your problem, and she should see a therapist. When you were working for her, you were not being paid to take her crap as well.

Remind her you can easily walk away again. No relationship is worth this kind of treatment.

Answer 10

You have got to call her and tell her how you feel no matter what the circumstances are. If she is still angry with you, ask her to see a therapist with you so you can talk things out. There is probably alot more then what you know. Good luck! Happy Holidays to you.