Are we being unresonable?

Question

We have a 13 month old baby girl who is as hyper as they come.My In laws want to treat us to a holiday in May abroad. We were excited but then decided it would be best not to go. My hubby hates flying, I've never flown so am nervous, the resort is more for couples with not a lot for kids to do.Its also very rocky with hundreds of steps to get anywhere & no sandy beach.We've put our reasons forward & the whole family thinks its a cop out. They don't realise how active our girl is as they have her only a few hours a week & say she's an angel.She is an angel but those of you with toddlers will know what a handful they are.
We planned to go on holiday in this country which would be filled with day trips & lots for her to do.They say this country is cold & miserable, but they don't see it the way we do.
We've offered they come with us but they're are determined to change our minds.
Are we being unresonable?

We realise its a great opportunity but now is not the right time for us. When our daughters older & no longer a baby it'll be a different story, but their argument is that lots of baby's travel with no problems. Its all stressing us out.

Mummy21- You seem to have an unusual toddler there who's an angel all of the time, my daughter is very active & curious- i think this is normal behaviour for a 13 month old, NO?

What do you mean run wild? she's very curious about anything & everything, I don't call that running wild.Maybe your child is older. When i say a handful I mean i can't take my eyes off her for a second, she never sit still for one minute, not to cause trouble but just being active & as her mum I have to make sure she's safe so i run around after her all day.I don't want her to be any different as she's incredible & just developing normally.All im saying is she's not ready to be on a restrictive flight or to be in a place full of dangers.

Answer 1

i dont think you are being unreasonable, your child comes first and your family should understand that. if you were to go your little girl would get bored with nothing to do and you wouldnt enjoy yourselves. as for the people who have said you are letting your child run wild etc they obviously dont have a hyper 13month old, i have a 15month old neice who has just started walking and shes into everything, you cant take your eyes off of her for a second. its normal (as im sure you know) for small children to be inquitsitive and curious about the world and its good that you encourage her to be like this, but a child like that will not enjoy having to sit on a plane for hours at a time, she'll scream the place down!!! lol i would do as you said and go on holiday here, its true most people thing of britain as being cold and rainy all the time but this country is beautiful especially in the summer. my family used to go to sommerset in the summer for a holiday and it was gorgeous! always hot and hardly ever rained, enjoy your brittish summer :)
oh and also you will have plenty of time when your daughter is grown up to go on a more adult holiday, hell you can go to austraillia or to a nudist beach if you want when shes older lol and of course you can go abroad with her when shes a little older too

Answer 2

No you're not. It's damned hard work taking a toddler anywhere - let alone abroad. Stick to yor guns and agree to take her when she's older and will appreciate it more. My daughter took my 12 month old grandaughter to France for a holiday - hah, some holiday !!! They came back extremely stressed, the baby was a nightmare as her routine had been messed up, nobody got to relax and my daughter tooks weeks to recover. Just go with what YOU feel is right - the family don't have to deal with the outfall afterwards do they xxx

Answer 3

You know your child best, and if you feel this trip would be more stressful than relaxing, stand your ground and don't go.

There's nothing worse than going on vacation and coming back a bundle of nerves.

If you've politely declined, then that's all you can do. It will blow over and, truthfully, at 13 months, most kids are just as happy to go to the local playground as to head off to some exotic resort.

Since we've had our son, we've changed our traveling habits, too. All of a sudden, day trips look so much more inviting than getting on an airplane!

Answer 4

i would have to agree with you, i have 3 children aged 7, 3 and 1 and completely understand where your coming from, we've learnt our children much prefer the fun holidays here in the UK than going to hotels abroad! we have been away and although they enjoyed the plane they definitely enjoyed the holiday camps more! we stayed in a caravan, they thought that was great fun! and we went on trips everyday - i'd actually say it was more expensive than abroad but well worth it!!!!

i don't think you should worry about what your parents think, even if they think your making excuses - who cares?? YOU and your husband know whats best for your child, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!!!

When your daughter is older then go away together then. To be honest, it'll all be forgotten soon so don't stress about it, you'll stress more on holiday when your daughter is playing up because she's bored and you see she's not enjoying it more than now so please stop worrying!!!!

Good luck x

Answer 5

You've spelled out your reasons, and they're very practical. By definition, you are being reasonable. It is unfortunate that your in-laws may be mis-interpreting this as an unkind rejection.

Just be sure you're not giving too much unsaid weight to the fear of flying. Though it may sound trite and unbelievable, the riskiest part of any flight is the car journey to the airport.

Have your own holiday, and see how you are able to cope with keeping your daughter occupied and entertained. Once you've found out how that goes, you'll be in a better position to think about a joint family holiday next time.

Be polite in thanking them for their kind offer, but firm in keeping to your own plans. Someone determined to change your mind in spite of your own wishes is the one being unreasonable.

Answer 6

I completley understand what you r saying.

My friend has a girl of 16 months and we all went on holiday together. Her daughter has a hell of a lot of energy and there was simply nothing their to keep her amused. its not as if u can even pack that many toys either as it takes up too much space. In the end my friend had the worst holiday and her little girl was utterly bored and we tried everything.

By the time we got back we all needed a weeks rest as we were all shattered.

I have a daughter of 7 months who is a little bundle of energy and i am in no hurry to go on holiday and when i do i think itll be somewhere that is moreso aimed at kids!

Answer 7

We've been taking our daughter abroad since she was two - this is what you'll encounter:
having to sit still on the plane - no way! Extreme boredom, frequent loo trips, not easy with the steward's trolleys up and down. Frequently getting on hands and knees to retrieve crayons. Earache due to cabin pressure on takeoff. Hungry child irritable as airline food's disgusting. Waiting around at airport when they're tired - one handling the bags by themselves, the other carrying a toddler that's just too big for a buggy. Toddler being sick all over you at the airport. Guaranteed that when final boarding is called they need the toilet - now - and yup its a poo... Then on holiday they develop chronic constipation/diarhea, there's the milk problem as mentioned before, although if there's a bar they'll sell milk if you ask (UHT in Europe).
Once at the hotel, you'll find numerous dangers - unfenced drops, stone stairs, tiled floors in the rooms (slip, bang head - ow) swimming pools etc - you won't be able to relax for a minute. Early dinners due to their bedtime, strange food, bottled water, husbands who suddenly forget that youre supposed to share the child care and go swimming/to sleep on sun lounger all the time.
And the list goes on! HOWEVER, nothing beats seeing that child running around on the beach getting filthy and eating ice cream. (But you have to face the wrath of the chambermaid/taxi driver as your child covers the room/taxi in sand/ice cream etc)
But you're not going to get any rest and are going to be stressed out of your box, rowing with your partner (yes, even the best ones lose it when all around everyone else is enjoying themselves and your both tied to a sqawky, rountine disrupted, pooey, hungry, cross child.

It does get better when they get older, but I wish someone would invent oversize buggies to rent at airports for pre-schoolers!

Meanwhile, don't be bullied into going. It's your child, your family unit and although it seems harsh, the rest of the family shouldn't bully you into going or pull the 'you should be grateful' card. Stick to your guns, trust your instincts and develop a thick skin - but don't expect them to do you any favours for a while!

Oh and don't forget the hot sun is bad for little one - so most of the day you'll be restricted or covered in suncream/insect repellent etc.

Ours is six now, and it makes a hell of a difference waiting till they're a bit bigger.

Answer 8

i'm 100% behind your decision not to go.
i did similar in 2005, to spain with the in-laws, our three children were aged 8, 2 and 3months old. never, never again. things for you to consider, which happened on our holiday:

* the heat made the children irritable

* you cannot take your eyes off a toddler for a second so no relaxing on a sun lounger for you!

* health and safety is minimal and no known police checks are carried out, so i wouldn't leave my children in the kids club

* your daughter probably still has milk for bed- many countries do not pasteurise their milk. do you want a hyper child with diarrhoea?! been there, done that- not pleasant.

* local food- would your daughter eat it? mine lived off chips, crisps and chocolate for 2weeks, felt guilty as hell.

* conflict about what to do/ how to deal with toddler tantrums may cause friction between you and your child's grandparents.

i'm speaking from experience- show this to your in-laws if it might help!!!

Answer 9

Very wise decision. I've been on holiday with my daughter when she was 13 months old and it was a nightmare. After these two weeks vacation I needed a vacation from the vacation. I would never ever travel with a kid under the age of four ever again.

Answer 10

No your most defiantly not being unreasonable ..like most mums we know our kids better than anyone and i too have been in your situation..my daughter won a dream holiday and we had to turn it down.... my sister in law said i was making excuses not to go until i blew up at her and said ...well i have twins one has severe autism he is still in nappies cannot talk and you think we should go to another country where no one can understand us and then theres the flight and his poor diet ! in the end i told her to mind her own business..do what you feel is right for you and YOUR family x