Why do I have to be alone for the rest of my life, why can't I make social connections with people?

Question

I have social anxiety... and pretty major depression, so like... I'm to the point now, where if things don't start getting better in my life, I don't know what will happen, so like... how do u get past social anxiety?? How do I start to be able to connect with people, where's my personality??? I know it's there, it'z just not there at the right times... I just can't take this stuff anymore, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

Even though I'm around people... it dosn't change the fact that I'm still alone on the inside. I can't connect, I see other people out there, who can connect with people... like, a totally gothic sk8er kid can connect with a prep jock... and they can laugh and have good times together... I've seen it. It seem's like everyone around me can have good time, but me? no, I have to be stuck alone... just, blank... 4ever, I know I'm missing out on life... and no matter what I do, it feels like things will never change, can anyone relate? help.

Answer 1

Unfortunately I can't relate personally, but I have a friend that is similar.

Sometimes I wonder what is going on inside his head, has he understood me. And then at the most amazing moment he does or says something that makes me know he is alive.

But, I have to admit at first, he really irritated me, his lack of willingness to get involved in the world around him. It was a real effort to arrange coffee just at a coffee shop, let alone join us on the weekends. One day he told me about his phobia and it really made sense.

We both are still friends even though I don't live next door to him anymore. But he's on this pension and now volunteers at a community group, and has really made an impact to the groups funding, management and projects. It wasn't easy for him but he loves going shopping now but only does it early in the morning before the shops fill up. And does stuff like bush walking, holidays away, but most of it still isolating himself. But he has a happier view of himself.

Anyway my suggestion is contact a community agency and ask for help, say you have this issue and need to seek out someone to spend time with. You never know how it could change your life.

Answer 2

believe me I can totally relate. You are not alone! I have struggled with self confidence and social anxiety and even depression all my life. It's something I have to keep in check all the time, not with pills or anything but just my attitude. I go into every situation convinced that no one wants to talk to me. B/c I'm not pretty enough or cool enough or whatever. But the key is to just go into everything with the right attitude. I've learned that always wearing a smile and faking confidence is a cliche for a reason. No one will want to talk to you if you are at a party standing alone, looking gloomy. Say you're at a party and you don't know really anyone (I have been there a lot), just pick someone out, preferably in a small group or alone and give a compliment, shake their hand. If you have nothing else to say, make an excuse (bathroom, drink, etc) and walk away. The first step is the hardest but you might come away from it having more fun then you thought you would. Of course this will not ensure lasting friendships, however it will give you a foundation on how to behave socially so that when you do meet someone with shared interests ( and that is gold is making any friends), you'll be ready. Don't lose hope, loneliness is the human condition, whether you believe it or not, we have all been there

Answer 3

i know exactly what you are through as i have been where you are many times but please do not give up. I believe that depression probably plays a big part in this. Before you can start loving and connecting with other people you need to start doing it with yourself. I understand that depression drags you down to the deepest and darkest of places and without help it is almost impossible to just concentrate on the positive aspects of your life but trust me yo do have them. Even though sometimes you may feel that there is no way of returning from the way you are feeling there always is. Remind yourself that you are unique- a one of a kind very special person and that you deserve the very best everyday. It is great that you admit you are depressed that is a very brave step to take- have you recieved any medical help at all? If you haven't then i please urge you to see a doctor. I realise how scary it is but sometimes just opening up to a complete stranger is a huge relief and trust me doctors have seen it all. I have had many times when i felt just like you. Depression dragged me down and i felt so alone that i felt there was only one way out but i promise you that is never the case. Remind yourself that you are not always going to feel like this and you are going to lead a very fulfilled life. You are going to be in my thoughts and i have complete faith that once you really start to love yourself- in time the pieces will just come together for you

Answer 4

I feel for you. I think that no matter how may "friends" one has, really we are alone in a lot of ways. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, you need to be independant. One question that's important is do like being with yourself? May sound odd but if you are depressed chances are you aren't seeing yourself for the great person you are. Every person has great qualities and maybe what's hindering you is lack of confidence(cliche I know). Try to write down things that you like about yourself, be objective as if you were your own best friend and look out for yourself. Try to turn things into a positive. Just be yourself and try to talk to more to people that appeal to you or are like-minded. Really having a couple really close friends is all you need.
I can be very social and go out and party a lot, go to school etc. but I still feel alone. I can be out with a bunch of people and still feel alone. On the flipside of you I never used to be alone, I always had friends around or on the phone and was not comfortable being by myself. Now I love my alone time. To be alone actually took strength for me and you have, maybe inadvertantly, developed a strength a lot of people don't have.
Anyways I'm sure you will make it through this and I doubt you will be alone forever, change that type of thought and be open to people. Have love and respect for yourself first.

Answer 5

Hey man I know exactly what you mean. I feel 100% the same way. Even though we don't mean to or realize we throw out a depressed negative vibe that people don't like. It's like How am I supposed to stop feeling so depressed when Every day is so lonely and the same. You get thoughts like youll die alone and never find a friend or anyone. Why shouldn't my future be so lonely my past and present are so that is my future. I know these feelings man. If you haven't seen a doctor, do. Get on meds and take them, See a counseler. I do all of the above. I am also a manac depressant. Take a look at your life and see what you need to change. I know, if your like me change is scary and uncomfortable but sometimes neccessary. Just cut out alcohol from your life it is never any good. I know its hard to meet people especially women. Believe me bro I know how much lonliness hurts and the fear of dying alone is. Hang in man and keep tryin.

Answer 6

well I am 33... and have lot more diagnosises... but there are other thigns that I feel that I really will be alone for the rest of my life.... why because I don't really want to date anyone... I am not wanting to take that chance again to make a social connection with a guy and have him turn out to be a jerk, and a leech, and just use me, and hurt me, and break my heart. Besides there is so much crap about having to live with someone else... so I am just going to settle as I am.

Answer 7

You need to pursue men who offer what you are looking for. If you want a true relationship and a family then being with another woman isn't ever going to offer that. Set your goals and then follow actions that will get you to those goals. Any other actions will take you further away from what your real desires are.

Answer 8

You were raised as an outsider. The friends and family learned to leave you out or at least looking elsewhere. You didn't learn the other vocabulary etc. Now you are older you have used up the few matches sent to you. The winner-players cant train you now and so you are isolated. If you were to marry a winner sooner or later your expectations would be found wrong. You need to learn everything again and find one new friend who is like you are . There are more males like this than females. Their social disorders include cutters and anorexics and multiple personalities and that is all different.

Answer 9

Join a group or something that ur interested in. It helps to calm tensions. Everyone knows why everyone else is there and its easier to talk about because you both have an interest connection to start with. Then you just move along from there.

Answer 10

Have you tried mixing around with people who have the same hobbies and interests as you? maybe that will improve your problem. Also, you should learn how to be on your own and refrain yourself from giving too much of your opinion and accept the fact that there are bigots out there and you are going to have hard times with them especially when it comes to protecting their personal interest. Don't be too worried over it.