I'm 27 and I met a wonderful man 3 months ago online, (who is 29) and we fell in love almost instantly. Neither one of us has ever been so happy, and he's proposed and asked me to go with him to the county clerk's office next week and get married. He thinks we can have a proper wedding ceremony for our families at a later time, but it feels right to make it official now. I really want to be with this man for the rest of my life, and there isn't a shred of doubt in my heart that he's the one. But everyone thinks I'm a lunatic if I go through with this and marry a man I've only known for 3 months! Should I marry him anyway? Or should I wait?
2007-12-19 19:38:19 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We've already met face to face. That isn't an issue.
2007-12-19 19:48:06 · update #1
Lauren E - Thanks so much, but I'm not one of those stereotypical women that needs a big splashy wedding. I value being married more than gettng married.
2007-12-19 19:50:01 · update #2
Brian M - Thanks, but I was hoping for a little more originality than that. ;)
2007-12-19 19:54:26 · update #3
To all those who keep asking, I will clarify this again. (Although it should have been apparent in my original question for those who understand reading comprehension) I am asking Yahoo answers because everyone ELSE thinks I'm rushing, not because I myself have any doubts. I have no doubts. If it were up to me, we would have been married yesterday! I am asking because I want to know if my family is right about me needing to wait. That is all.
2007-12-22 15:33:49 · update #4
honestly, I would wait. There is nothing that a piece of paper will change. Wait to get married the way you really want to that way when you remember your wedding day it will be the beautiful day every woman wants. Do you really want to look back at the happiest day of you life and remember a stuffy clerks office and your "sunday best"? You dont have to rush, just be together! Sounds wonderful as it is!
2007-12-19 19:42:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a mature and rational person. So, you probably know that there are different stages of love. At three months, I call it "the Pooky-Bear stage" where everything is giggly and perfect and it seems it will be that way forever. It's never that way forever. Eventually the love either matures into something more sedate and firm or melts away. I hope it matures and solidifies for you, but it does take time, even if you know you love him now. What's the hurry? Why do you need to get married next week? I would be suspicious of anyone who wanted to rush such a major life event. Go ahead and get engaged now, but take some time to plan a wedding (even a small, non-fussy one) and just be sure that you feel the same way a year from now. Marriage is serious business.
If you didn't have any doubts about this, you wouldn't be here asking people for their opinion. Listen to your gut and make this very serious decision in the deliberate way that you should, not in a pressured rush. Best wishes.
2007-12-20 02:00:33 · answer #2 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why is there such a hurry? If you 2 are in love i'm sure you will stay that way for a while. Why does it have to be so fast? You really don't know this person after 3 months. You need to live with him first and experience every day life. Trust me it's a whole different ball game. If he loves you like you think he does then slow down.. take some time really get to know him. Your families are thinking the same thing? Why does it have to be a shotgun wedding? I think you should wait and really dig deeper into this man and figure out what he is really like.
2007-12-20 06:09:54 · answer #3 · answered by musicgrl42002 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the rush to get married! Why not enjoy the relationship and get to know each other a bit more! He may be the one but you need to "really" know each other before you take such an important step as marriage is suppose to be for a lifetime!!! You should wait and see if in another 6 months you still feel the same or even more convinced that this is the right thing and plan your wedding or marriage in the following 3 months and that will make it a year of having known him! You will be glad you waited! A relationship needs to be nurtured! With marriage comes responsibility and with such a short time of knowing each other, I don't think you know enough of each other to jump into such a big task at this time! Give yourselves time..allow your love to flourish...you will both be glad you waited not because everyone is telling you to do so but because you want your marriage to be a successful one! Good Luck!
2007-12-19 21:13:41 · answer #4 · answered by itzybit_303 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you know you are going to be with this man for the rest of your life, why not wait a little longer? You have barely gotten to know someone completely at only 3 months. Marrying him at only 3 months puts your marriage at a higher risk of divorce, sooner.
Why wouldn't you wait and plan a wedding that could involve both your families? I'm sure you families would like to be a part of your special day just as much as you do.
My suggestion: have the proper engagement for at least 6 months. Set a wedding date 6 months from now and plan a nice, simple, elegant ceremony and reception that your families can be a part of. By planning this simple affair together, it will allow for both of you to get a little experience in creating something together - that will help you decide that this guy is the right one for you.
2007-12-20 01:23:28 · answer #5 · answered by Paula Christine 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dear Lady,
You both are still in the heady throws of infatuation. You both are caught up in the hormones of new love. It's great. It's wonderful. But it's just not a sound basis for a lifetime commitment. You just cannot know all the things you MUST know about this man to make a realistic determination as to weather he is truly the right one for you to spend your life with. Give it AT LEAST another year. There's no reason the two of you can't be exclusive with each other. Consider it a longish engagement. You certainly need to spend the majority of your time TOGETHER, and not just on line. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're asking to get hurt if you go through with this.
As cliche' as it sounds, If the two of you were meant to be, waiting a year wont be a problem. Spend the year getting to know EVERYTHING about each other. Prepare yourselves TO BE married together. THEN have the wedding.
Good Luck.
2007-12-20 05:14:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there isn't a "shred of doubt" in your heart, then why are you asking this question? Obviously there is doubt, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for other opinions. It sounds a little sketchy that he wants to marry you right now and then have a wedding later on with your families. The only case I've found this to be acceptable and normal is in military relationships. This just sounds odd to me. Almost like he wants to take posession of you right now
2007-12-20 07:04:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOAH!!! WOAH!!! WOAH!!! Hell no!! 90 days is by no means long enough to commit to spending the rest of your lives together!! I've had things in my fridge for longer than that!! You don't even know this person!! What are his little habits around the house. What is his family like? Is he a slob?? Does he have any really odd interests. If you're so positive that you want to spend the rest of your life with this man...than a wedding can wait for a year. Don't rush into something. It took me more than three months to pick out a car that I wanted...and that'll be gone in 5 years!! Take your time. You're only 27. You have the rest of your life ahead of you!! Good luck...and take it slow.
2007-12-20 06:37:40 · answer #8 · answered by geminiqtpie22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men would simply BUY YOU A CHRISTMAS PRESENT -- like a long weekend in Bermuda for the 2 of you, or a visit to NYC.. where you can gt to know each other, without judging each other's environs/apt's etc...
But, there's your issue/trouble. A man that's this quick to marry may be hiding something, may not have ANY money (and sees you as a mark -- it happens, one guy in Florida told 10+ women the SAME story online and he was married, actually)... He may be working on/manipulating YOUR wants & desires as a lovelorn women online (men can be predators, you know?). I'm not saying yours is a HORROR STORY by any means, but.. if you met a guy online at a Grocery Center (instead of online, typing to each other... etc.) would you want to MARRY in only 3 months?
I wouldn't even want to see a women marry the Boy Next Door after dating for only 3 months.. it's your life, I wouldn't be so fast & loose with it... and let the cheap guy BUY you something, go out of his way and sacrifice for you -- sitting in his undies & t-shirt at his PC (or his mom's PC) isn't qualifying for WANTING you, just because he's proposed. This sounds like it needs more time, to say the least.
GL
2007-12-20 02:10:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait. You haven't known him long enough to have anything to doubt. It's the day to day grind of living together or loving each other and going through the good and the bad that will tell you if this man is a keeper. I would recommend waiting. If he is stable and in love with you, waiting won't be an issue.
Are you marrying so quickly because you belive in sex after marriage? Even if this is the case, a bit more time under your belts (without living together) will set you up well in the choice you make. Oh, and congrats on being so utterly in love.
2007-12-19 19:47:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 0⤋