She's my only girlfriend and we've been together for 5 years but last christmas she left me but we still have communication. then a month later she told me she slept with a guy (she lost her virginity to a different guy she hardly knew!) and the guy never talked to her again. then i took her back but i've been pretty mad about it and i still hate her but i also know that i love her. should i give her a second chance? we've been in long distance relationship for 3 years. she's going to take me away after i graduate from college and i really want to get out of here. we've been together since we were 16.
2007-12-19 18:14:15 · 11 answers · asked by King Kong Jr. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I realize that this girl is your only girlfriend and that after 5 years you want to make this work but maybe it's more about what's comfortable than love. Being in a long distance relationship is difficult but it requires committment & integrity. She broke up with you during a holiday AND slept with a guy that was practically a stranger. . .maybe she did it out of loneliness or desperation but it does not excuse her actions. Perhaps her leaving you and giving her virginity to another guy is just a sign that she is not really sure that she wants to be in a serious & committed relationship with you.
You have every right to be mad but hating her will only hurt you. Holding such feelings is bad for your health mentally, emotionally, & physically. Loving her is normal. Just because someone does something wrong does not mean that we stop loving them.
The red flag that I see waving is your focus on her taking you away after you graduate. It appears that you have become dependent upon this person when she was comfortable enough to leave you on a whim. You should not rely on someone as a means for escaping or getting away from an undesirable situation.
My opinion: forgive her and move on. Begin developing a plan for accomplishing what you desire/need in life (going away, etc.) without her. It is never good to rest all your hope in anyone else because if they leave you, you will have no support. After being with someone for so long, it appears that you need time to grow independently. Then you will be prepared for a love that is faithful, honest, and dependable. . .but one that does not determine your fate & happinesss as you will have learned that you can stand strong even when you are alone.
2007-12-19 18:32:15 · answer #1 · answered by Mackenzie Walsh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I imagine it would be really hard to let go of each other when you've been together for so long at such a young age. As a result there seems to be this feeling of "should" - should forgive, should stay together, should just keep on ..
Forgiving is something that's a good thing to aim for, but it's always easier said than done. And, technically she didn't do anything wrong since you two had broken up. But you had been together for years and she loses her virginity to someone else. Of course that hurts. It probably pains her a lot, too. Regrets all round, I spose..
The bottom line is, though, that you are both still very young and you are - inevitably - making young people's mistakes. Which is ok in the greater scheme of things. But there comes a point when you do have to let go.
Now, far be it for me to say you should let her go, but if you are posting that question on the internet, it seems to me that you already have the answer and you just want it validated.
You shouldn't need to have it validated by anyone, especially a bunch of strangers. Just do what you know is right for you.
2007-12-20 02:25:46 · answer #2 · answered by Jules 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going to say take her back, until I read the part about a long distance relationship for 3 years....As much as you don't want to hear it, she has probably done much more than she has told you, especially if it a long distance relationship..
Long distance relationships nearly never work.....I know I don't know either of you, but it seems like you deserve more than this..you seem like a loyal guy and you need a loyal girl in return...get rid of her and find something better, you deserved it...or better yet, enjoy the single life for a little bit, if you've been in a realationship for that long, you have absolutely no idea what the single life is like..give it a try, see how you like it...
I am not saying the single life is better, some people think it is, others think not, try it out for yourself and be your own judge.
2007-12-20 02:21:49 · answer #3 · answered by tyler m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to work out what it means that you're still angry at her for having sex with someone else. She is not a possession. If you can't make peace with this, it's time to break up. Also, I don't think you should date her if your primary reason is that she will take you away after you graduate and you really want to get out of there. I think this relationship may be preventing you from making friends at college and learning what you like. It's time, I think, to stand on your own feet without a relationship.
2007-12-20 02:18:23 · answer #4 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should put too much hope in her. She sounds like she is playing games with you. If she could so easily lose her virginity to another guy, what makes you think she isn't sleeping with someone else now. Leave her alone, finish school and go away by yourself.
2007-12-20 02:19:55 · answer #5 · answered by ctelly22 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. She dumped u for a guy that she hardly knew and slept with him! She cheated on u! She double crossed u. She 's not worth it. Trust me, there are more girls out there that is better for u. Stop thinking about getting her back. U deserve better.
2007-12-20 02:19:13 · answer #6 · answered by Catherine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it were me i wouldn't take her back. That seems cold to be with you for 5 years and give her virginity to someone she barley knew.
2007-12-20 02:20:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say GIVE HER A 2nd CHANCE...
you were not together when it happened... yes she lost her virginity to another guy but virginity is sooo over rated... its the love for that person that matters and if that other person loves you back... sex is just another human act w/o love...
2007-12-20 02:18:55 · answer #8 · answered by ms_confused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes leave her. If she loved you she would have never slept with that other guy. She is playing head games with you.
2007-12-20 02:17:31 · answer #9 · answered by glamour04111 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should really work out what u really want!! If ur willing to give her another chance..remember that you got to stop hating her for what she did and forgive her so the two of you can be happy! its your decistion and no one can really decide xcept for you..goodluck!!!
2007-12-20 02:28:58 · answer #10 · answered by tezza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋