i have a 19 month old son and i am currently living at home with my parents. his father hasnt really tried to see him very much in the past but now that he has started coming around more and more my son seems so distant from him. its weird because when his dad used to come once or twice a week and see him for only 15 min my son was in love with him, but now that he comes almost every day i notice that my little boy cant stand to be around him. when he tries to hold him he kicks and screams and then calms down as soon as he is put down.
so my questions are:
why does it seem that the more his father comes around, the more he hates him? and...
is there somethin i can do to strengthen thier father/son bond? because his father is really trying
2007-12-19 17:05:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
wow i really appreciate all the feedback!! i guess his father kind of does force it ill tell him to ease up a bit :) thanks. im also going to try leaving the room a bit, because you are right, he might be picking up a negative vibe
2007-12-19 17:17:15 · update #1
the man is a stranger that's why your son is behaving like that. your are a Saint to be so understanding towards the father. i was in your similar situation years back. the father never paid support or came around. i didn't seek support b/c i knew he would only see her out of spite. and i was right he never came around. now my daughter is 16....lo and behold her "father" appears and wants a "relationship." the only thing i have done is not speak badly of him to her. if she asks my opinion i certainly tell her. i think it is up to the father to strengthen a bond with his son. as long as u don't sabotage it u should just concern yourself with being a good mother to him.
2007-12-19 17:16:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you feel when the dad comes around? maybe your son can sense your stress?
Does the Dad try to hold him alot or play with him in ways you dont?
Also your child is still very young to him jsut becuase you call this guy Dad that means nothing to him. He Just know that he is the guy that come around.
Your son sees you as his nurturer(sp?) You are his love, comfort, and parent. since the father has not been around so much your son has not bonded with him, like he has with you. Give it time. At this age kids are picky and it is his right to be picky:) Just tell the day to play with him and keep coming around. And dont push the little guy that will just make him dislike when his father comes around.
2007-12-20 01:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good for you trying to promote a healthy relationship between them. i think part of it may be your son's age. he's used to it just being you and his grandparents and now this "new" person is there telling him what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. try having them play games together and do some fun stuff. maybe dad can take him out for chicken nuggets and french fries and a little time at the playground of mcdonald's or something. but dad shouldn't go overboard either because then it becomes more like trying to "buy" a child's love. your son will adjust to him in time....like you said, just don't force it too much. and tell dad to be patient.....your son will eventually come around.
2007-12-20 09:17:12 · answer #3 · answered by 4Xthe fun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suspect that at 19 months he is trying out his independence. Instead of trying to pick him up or hold him, just tell the father to be around and be friendly and not force himself on the boy. The boy needs to adjust to his being there for a few minutes, he won't hug him as soon as he comes in. Try to encourage his father to come around: boys need a father in their lives.
2007-12-20 01:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there may be a reason your son screams. does the father have a history of physical or sexual abuse? has he taken the child where he might be exposed to that behaviour? is he rough or insisting on affection when the child wants down? he may also feel subconsciously the father is trying to take over your care giving role( by holding him) , or leave with him (like to the store) and feels insecure. he may also not like his after shave, or be sensitive to different smells. has he been tested for autism? many loving autistic children don't like to be held. if none of these apply, try both sitting on the floor with toys so he knows no one is leaving, or forcing him into anything and he may just come over and sit on his lap and play. make sure he sees you are friendly to each other, since if there is tension, he will feel it.
2007-12-20 01:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by pacoztacoz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I started seeing a guy with a child. I only met the child when we both knew that this was a meaningful relationship. He didnt want to introduse his son to every tom dick and harry (which would be my own view if the situation was reversed.)
He was 1 1/2 when i first met him. i just sat on the floor playing with his toys by myself for first visit. 2nd visit i did the same and he joined in by himself and i got a voluntary kiss on cheek as bye bye. 3rd visit he wanted me to join in his play. 4th visit i was his best friend.
We just gradually introduced me more and more into his life.
He turns 3 in Feb and me and his dad are getting married in april. We have lived together a year now.
I couldnt love him more if i had given birth to him. I treat him as if he were my own. Except that i am Sara not mummy. He is OUR child when he is in our care. Me and my fiance make joint decisions and try and parent in the same way, ie same ideas of what is allowed and not allowed
Basically in helping your sons father, dont push him. Let him decide at what pace he wants to interact.
Dont let his father become disheartened and yes you could give them a bit of space. Your son can sense the little bit of tension in the air. All relax and have fun.
He'll come round in the end :o)
2007-12-20 05:53:51 · answer #6 · answered by Just me 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its probably just a stage. The kid was just used to seeing someone every now and then....he was like hey look this guy is nice...so he was happy to see him they few times he did. but now that he sees him for offten, the fun of the new person is fading away and isn't not as much fun now. I think his father should take him somewhere for a day. That the boy would really enjoy, just hangout. I know he is young, but like to the park, or the zoo. i don't know what 19 months old like to do, but what ever it is, is what they should do...like a bonding thing
2007-12-20 01:12:08 · answer #7 · answered by Ozzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to strengthen this bond. As children get older they form their own preferences for people. Tell his Dad to relax around the boy, not to pick him up or force himself on the child. In time your son will relax around him.
2007-12-20 01:10:43 · answer #8 · answered by Kris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
help his dad learn how to play and interact with him...let dad know what the boys favorite things to play and do are..he may be nervous and unsure of himself around the little one. Encourage him and work with your son together. It will be good for your son to see you two taking an interest in him, whether or not you are interested in each other. You should be proud of yourself for not wanting to be selfish, and wanting to help the dad!
good luck!
2007-12-20 01:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by sreshowtime 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's bonded with your father, a child that young needs his parents there constantly. By showing up occasionally his bio dad has become a stranger.
2007-12-20 01:10:08 · answer #10 · answered by Steven D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋