I have been 13 years with my boyfriend he as no income but he wanted to married me so last Christmas i told him did you get me a present this year he said you know i have no money,so i told him well would you like to get something if you did have money he said yes but i don't know what to get you he said i would probably give you the money,so i said look i will give you some money and go by me something with it,i do feel bad for him,and he cant work long story,anyway so i wait in the car for him he said i don't know what to get their was this and their was that i don't know just take your money back i am not a good shopper ,so i said well i will give you idea but don't tell me surprise me,he goes in the store comes back with nothing.He got very discourage,so i said do you want to get married and he said yes but i don't have the money and then i said their more money and go by me a engagement ring,He said OK then he comes back their his nothing i like so i went inside with him and give him 3 choice then i went back in the car,so that Christmas my dad was their and he put him self on his knees and ask me to married him ,anyone finds this OK?
2007-12-19 16:12:44 · 19 answers · asked by luckykittenpool 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i do care what people as to say and feels about this because in my heart it feels wrong but maybe i shoul'nt feel that way i am looking for a opinion.
2007-12-19 16:22:51 · update #1
sorry i forgot to say that he did end up paying little bit by little bit for the ring but this was my desicion for him to do.
2007-12-19 16:32:01 · update #2
but now in 6 month we are getting married and i will not tell him or remind him for the wedding ring i really want to see if he will get it on time i am so scard about not remind him to put money away and to start now.He his not a bad guy he just not think and i have to think for him.
2007-12-19 16:35:43 · update #3
number one when you are planning a wedding and you have a budget you always included the cost of the rings so it find that your money paid for it. Because you money is his and his money is yours. You go girl.
2007-12-21 02:19:46 · answer #1 · answered by Alisha Dover 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess its ok if you're ok with it. I personally bought my own engagement ring in essence (put it on a credit card in my name) and then my fiance has been making payments on it every month. It was his idea to get engaged though. It does make me wonder if your parents are really all that excited about you getting married to this guy. I know it has been 13 years, but why, after 13 years, has he not figured out how to make at least a little extra money enough to buy you a simple ring? Even if he had set aside $100 per year over the last 13 he would have had enough to buy you a very nice ring. Sounds like you would have been better without him a long time ago.
2007-12-19 16:28:06 · answer #2 · answered by jillagig 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should have paid for your own ring. It seems to still be bothering you and I'm sure it bothers your fiance as well. I think he was hesitant in using your money to buy the ring because he didn't feel comfortable in the first place. He may have only gone through with it so as not to hurt your feelings. I think both you and he would have appreciated the ring more had you given him time to save up and purchase it himself. Furthermore, no man likes to date someone who acts like their mom. Don't get me wrong--they don't mind letting you be their sugar momma but they won't respect you. STOP TAKING CARE OF HIM! Please save the money you would spend on a wedding and put it in an interest bearing account. Since he doesn't work, you may need the money later (no pun intended). I just can't see how this situation benefits you at all. You shouldn't marry him until he gets on his feet and starts to make some positive changes toward his future. Otherwise, you will continue to foot the bills and he may end up resenting you. Being an enabler is not a sensibe way to motivate someone no matter how good your intentions are.
2007-12-19 17:17:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say whether it's good or bad. It's perfectly fine if there is a legitimate reason why he can't work and hasn't asked you to marry him after all of this time. If you're fine with it, that is. It does seem like after all of this time he would know at least something to get you, but maybe he was really just discouraged because he felt bad buying you something with your own money. A lot of men feel inadequate when their spouse or partner makes more money than they do, and you are supporting him so he may feel that more so.
On the other hand, if there isn't a legitimate reason why he isn't working and he takes advantage of your support then I think it's a bad thing. Are you sure he really wants to marry you or is he just agreeing so he can continue using you? It's just a thought. I don't know enough of your situation to say for sure, but that could be why he couldn't pick out a ring on his own. Maybe he just didn't really want to get married. Those are things to think about, but only you can be the judge of it, because none of us are there with you to know. Just think about it and use your common sense and you should be fine.
2007-12-19 16:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anything wrong with helping to pay for your engagement ring. I helped to defray the cost for mine because we are both still in college, and I knew the ring I wanted was out of my finace's budget.
But it seems to me that there must be something bothering you more than just the fact that you helped pay for your ring. You said your finace is helping to pay it off bit by bit so that is not the issue.
Perhaps the real issue is that your guy doesn't seem to care for you at all? He is ok with taking your money and allowing you to support him. After 13 years he had not one idea of what he could get you when he had an entire mall? Seems to me this guy barely knows you after all these years. You gave him money and he still hardly made an effort.
I think it is time to rethink this relationship and not jump into the whole marriage thing. Then again I don't know the whole story.
Just make sure you are not getting taken advantage of.
2007-12-21 01:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by Kristina 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you pretty much forced him to buy you an engagement ring. Hello! You gave him money and sat in the car and he STILL could not pick out a ring?
Will this be the ways things are throughout your marriage? YOU will have to make all the decisions? You will have to initiate everything.
Follow your instincts on this one. If it feels bad to you, then it probably is.
2007-12-19 17:21:53 · answer #6 · answered by mw88867 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i think of you the two ought to decide on one jointly. it is as much as you. Why might i want to maintain a hoop from somebody who would not supply a rat's @$$ approximately me? i does no longer want to look on the ring understanding that the guy who initially had it won't be able to stand you in the 1st place. I have not have been given any concept what the tale is in the back of explanation why he met his actual organic and organic kin no longer that for the time of the past or what occurred there. One threat i might desire to think of of as to why she will't stand you is via the fact she might sense threatened to lose her son returned??? returned, it is basically a threat and seeing as how the area isn't comparable to others in a great style of strategies, may be she is basically downright depressing as you're saying she is. As to sending the ring back, have you ever considered having a a million on a million communication and asking her why she says rude issues in the back of your back? If I have been you, i might attempt to a minimum of confirm why the lady acts one way yet says yet another once you're actually not there in the previous sending the ring back. it is basically what i might do. yet once you do deliver the ring back as a F you form of message, it is as much as you. i'm hoping this answer facilitates :)
2016-11-23 16:42:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your fiancee's situation and i don't know why he doesn't work, maybe you can clarify that for us, might help. However, it has been 13 years, darling you don't need a pricy ring to get engaged or married, you had to suggest for him to propose after 13 years. Be honest with yourself, if you were ok with this situation you would not be asking these questions, go with your gut feeling.
2007-12-19 17:17:33 · answer #8 · answered by Mara R 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well this is totally fake.
If you had been together 13 years he would have known what you like for a present to begin with. He sounds like a mooching loser.
And under no circumstances should you pay for your own present especially if it is an engagement ring.
2007-12-19 16:25:13 · answer #9 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You know you do not need an engagement ring to be engaged right?
Why does he not have a job?
As long as you are ok with being the breadwinner, go for it.
2007-12-20 02:48:24 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋