She told me this today.. I was heart broken. I love her with all of my heart and soul and she says she loves me as well. We've been in a long distance relationship and I am/was getting ready to move 600 miles away to be with her for good. I was/am going there for Christmas and was going to tell her the good news then that I could finally move in with her in February. She doesnt know this yet tho, except that I'm coming there for Christmas. Today she said she likes some guy at her work but she would "never date him because he smokes"..this bothers me a lot. (1) She should be faithfull to me as we've talked about marriage. (2) I'm getting ready to move in with her and how can I do it knowing she "likes some guy at her work". All I know about this guy is that he gives her back massages while I'm not there, they hug all the time, "he has a great personality", She sees him everyday, and I'm going to kick his ***. She said she only likes him because "I'm not there". I told her I was going to call him up and have a talk with him and she said if I did she'll leave me. I asked her to get a new job and stay away from him (shes a hostess at a restaurant it wouldn't be hard to get a new or better job) to keep her away from temptation. She refused. Should I trust her?
2007-12-19 16:12:31 · 31 answers · asked by Maxwell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The best way to handle this is face to face with her. LDRs are hard. I have been in one for 3 years and will be for another 3 if we stay together but never have I like someone else because "he wasn't there" or ever gotten back rubs or hugged someone "all the time". You need to sit down with her face to face and ask her where she thinks the relationship is headed and if she wants to be with her demand some freaking respect.
2007-12-19 16:17:02 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Geologist 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is the problem of long distance relationships. You should not feel threatened by this guy your gf has a crush on. You mean to say that you have never looked at another women and thought she was good looking? Or had a nice personality? You have somtime. and your girlfriend is probably just missing you the guy probably reminds her of you and since you could not be there she is settling for someone close to you. if she continues these actions while you are visiting for Christmas then maybe talk to her about your feelings and lay everything out on the table. Although the back massages are a little much the guy is probably into your gf a little but not enough to do somthing about it. Relax and let fate do the rest.
2007-12-19 16:18:12 · answer #2 · answered by none 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know what it is like to be in a relationship that long. And honestly im glad im in it no more cause i went through the same problems. If she really loves then she will change cause now days it is hard to find someone thats a good person and who treats you right. If you and talked about marriage and she is still doing the same stuff. Do you think she will keep doing it when you are married? Why waist the money if it will end up like that. And at least she told you, me i had to find out the hard way. And she may not notice what she has untill its not there no more. Sometimes people are looking but not really seeing what they have untill they dont have them no more.
2007-12-19 16:28:18 · answer #3 · answered by mexican_66104_08 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as this is, you need to move on. She's telling you outright that she is cheating on you, then when you show any emotion about it, she's threatening you with leaving. Well, let her go. She will soon realize that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side, but YOU must understand that you deserve better than being someone's second choice. Chances are, she's done this before and if they are getting physical in any way (back massages are very intimate), then it's time you let go. DOn't wast your time nor money to go there on Christmas OR move there...it will be a waste and put you in a bad position. Stick close to home, or instead go be with your family, who will welcome you with open arms and make your holiday and possibly your heart a lot better. Good luck.
2007-12-19 16:17:48 · answer #4 · answered by *Meg* 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth are you still thinking of moving there????
What's that going to do!!!
Have you ever heard the term "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" NOT WONDER
If she really loved you, she wouldn't even be able to consider liking someone else.
Look at the plans you have made to get closer to her.
Whilst you have been doing that, she's been liking someone else.
Where is her dedication???
You have to talk about it. If you trust that she deserves a second chance, then give it to her.
But ONLY, if your'e sure, it's you she really wants.
We all make mistakes, but perhaps she told you for a reason.
1) She wants you to get upset and break things off, which will make it easier on her to break up
OR
2) She actually does realise she has made a mistake and regrets it
But darling, usually when people really are sorry for their mistakes, they will do all that they can to make it right - because it's what they want!!!!
Her not wanting you to talk to the guy is strange, and her not wanting to quit is strange too.
If she really didnt mean what she has been feeling...Her main priority would be to sort it all out for the soon move you are about to make with your entire life to be with her.
My opinion is, dont do it.
But your instincts will tell you what's the right decision. After all, none of us know this girls real personality - you do.
Good luck babe - hope it works out - whatever you do
2007-12-19 17:10:19 · answer #5 · answered by Allanah555 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trusting her is very hard but she is being honest with you which is a very positive point. You will always come accross being attracted to others through your life while in a relationship it's what you do about it. She will make a choice between you both but until that happens I would just talk to her and try to understand her point of view. It wouldn't be nice being in your situation now and i'm not saying she is in the right but she may be telling you the truth. Unfortunatly you will just have to wait to see what happens in the future. But seriously talk to her about moving there first before you go so you don't make a mistake!
2007-12-19 16:18:52 · answer #6 · answered by Abs 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
kicking this guys *** wont do a single thing for you. youll vent some rage. and that will be it. then sooner or later shell end up liking some other guy.
the point in a long term relationship is to overcome your lusts for others (because it does happen) and stay faithful to the person you love. that means rejecting back rubs and hugs. because that does tell the other person that she is interested.
either she needs to reasses how much she wants to be with you and learn how overcome her feelings for other guys or you need to find a girlfriend that can handle a monogomous and longterm relationship.
beating up the guy, wont solve anything...it will just make you look like the hurt angry b/f that you are. deal with your feelings dont take them out on others.
2007-12-19 16:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something not quite so dramatic but similar has just happend to me... I was checked out emotionaly from my relationship for a little while, and he told me he liked someone else... needless to say, I felt my heart shatter just as you discribed....
I am finally happy now, not jealous and compleatly confident in our relationship even though he still has feelings for her. Two people can love eachtother, give it there all, there whole heart but still like other people for cirtain qualities or understanding... can you really tell me if you met everyone in the world you wouldent fall in love again? Probably not.... But you would still go back to your girlfriend every time right? Well so would she, go back to you it would seem...
You are away, shes looking for friends, and it tuned into somethng more in her mind, but not in a physical way. The fact that she has been honest with you about it means shes probably not cheating on you and wants to remain open and honest with you even though it may hurt you... This is a sign of a great relationship!
Firstly, Do not be angry with her, shes just being honest and she cannot help who she falls for, but she can help who she chooses to be with, and that is you so you should be happy! Secondly, don't be mad at him, dont say horrible things to him, it is not his fault and he has done nothing! I undestand why she said she would break up with you if you did this, she is mad that you don't trust her even after telling you the truth, and she does not want this other guy to get involved in it all when he shouldent be... He does not have the commitment to you, your girlfriend does....
The only thing I can say is think it out, go and try to have a good christmas and then sit down, never raise your voice, be calm and undestanding and open, try to put yourself in her shoes and think about how hard it is for her to be upfront about this.... Express all of your concerns to her one by one and lets her address them, without interuption, and without jumping to any conclusions before you hear her out... Ask her everything you can untill you are satisfited you are OK again, and that you can really trust her....
You have to do all this to stop being jealous, stop being mad, stop feeling resentfull and stop these feelings of mistrust... Ultimatly, if you can't work these things out, you can't maintin a proper relationship and your anger and mistrust will end up being the driving factor in driving her away....
Good luck, I know its hard.... If you have any more questions on how I handled things you can email me if you like...
xox
2007-12-19 16:24:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know how they always say that long distance relationships don't work out? Well they can, but this is what happens when there is distance in a relationship. She needs and wants someone and you aren't around. I agree she should be faithful to you, but you've got to realize she is human and she probably doesn't realize that what she is doing is wrong. Spend more time with her and do all you can to make her see that you are the one for her and that she doesn't really have feelings for this other guy.
2007-12-19 16:17:56 · answer #9 · answered by tort 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't trust her. He is already massaging her and who knows what that could lead to. It seems strange that she only likes him because you are not there which is not far to you or him. I think you should tell her how you feel and that plan on moving in with her. If she still feels the same way, than maybe consider taking a break until she figures things out because you deserve to play second best!
2007-12-19 16:16:36 · answer #10 · answered by Liana 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋