My mom is on parole.She hasn't changed since she got out of prison, and she is still the same way. I don't want her to cause problems at the wedding. She has a history of using people even family to commit identity fraud, even my own sister... so I don't want her to be an embarrassment. She constantly enjoys talking about her wild sex life, and her time in prison. And I don't want to put my husband and his family in the mix of her trying to find someone else's info to use for some kind of fraud again.... the wedding is already stressfull enough to plan, I can't deal with babysitting her during it too. But how do I tell her?
2007-12-19 16:09:16 · 13 answers · asked by ThatGurl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
dont tell her where or when...i wouldnt say anything to her..she is your mom and she knows she is embarrassing you and doesnt care enough to stop so why worry about her feelings? its your day..dont let it become her day
2007-12-19 16:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by bailie28 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Weddings are where everyone in the family gets to attend. I understand your concerns. Some people don't know how to learn a lesson, and your mom is one of those.
Couple of suggestions- since your side of the wedding already knows, they should know better than to say anything to her that could be dangerous. Maybe your STB husband could discretely warn his side of the family- "Be careful what you say because she's been to prison for identity theft." That would sure make me round-eyed and stay on my mental toes! People aren't quite so gullible anymore. I I were invited to your wedding, and I learned that someone might try to scam me, even the bride's mother, I'd be careful enough.
If you decide to keep her from your wedding, just be honest. Tell her you're afraid she'll injure someone at the wedding. And if you want to make sure, get a TRO served, otherwise she can just crash. I don't know what you plan for a relationship with your mom, but excluding her and/or serving a TRO on her will have repercussions that won't ever go away. Talk to your fiance and make sure keeping her away is what you want.
One last thought- get someone you trust (or a few someones) and make sure they stay with her, a kind of monitor/proctor/bodyguard kind of situation. It takes some private conversation to get identity stuff, no? Well, with her chaperone right next to her, she won't be able to do anything.
And you can also cut a deal with her- let her be at the wedding, but not the reception?
You have alternatives, though none of 'em are really good.
2007-12-19 16:33:03 · answer #2 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can't run fromyour past and, unfortunately, your past includes your mom. You should never be ashamed of where you come from. Your mother is an adult. Who she is does not change who you are and definitely should not change what your in-laws think of you. Don't build a future filled with past regrets. Your wedding day is one of the biggest moments in your life. You should not ban your own mother to keep up appearances. No one is perfect! Your in-laws may have some demons in their closet too. Don't put these people on a pedestal. They are only humans. Just talk to your mom and disclosure your fears. She should be able to respect your wishes and act civilizd for one evening.
2007-12-19 17:36:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to have a sit down along with her, and factor out all the factors you in basic terms instructed us. in case you do no longer say something you will start up resenting her and the marriage, whilst contained in the top its fairly much the affection you have on your fiance, no longer each and every of the decorations and concentrated visitor checklist. you need to tell her how each and every little thing is making her sense, if she can't comprehend that, tell her she isn't invited, then consistent with possibility she'll hear.
2016-11-04 02:38:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have another relative or trusted family friend who could baby-sit her? I can definitely see why you're worried, but I think you may have more problems if you don't invite her than if you do. Not inviting a parent to a wedding is a huge deal. If there's anyone else who could possibly keep an eye on her, talk to that person (or people) and see if they can help you.
Wow - what a situation...
good luck.
2007-12-20 10:13:09 · answer #5 · answered by SE 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mom is a sociopath/psychopath and has no feelings. She might pretend she does, but she probably has very little emotion for you or your family.
Probably just using you. My father is the same way, I struggled with it for a long time and didn't believe it could be true, but people like that are never fixed.
Your mom is way too old to be living that lifestyle or to talk about sex to people like it's "cool".
She obviously never grew up and is a slum dweller/loser.
Sorry to burst your bubble but you know it yourself I think. I'm pretty blunt and don't care about being picked and I don' expect to be picked as best.
I'm just telling you what you already know though.
Trust me, the only person who is going to be hurt by it is YOU. Cuz you obviously have feelings due to the fact that you are reaching out to people to ask them how to do this without HURTING HER!
Would she do the same for you? NO
Tell her the wedding is off or something if you want to spare her the "heartache"(even though I highly doubt she would feel any heartache or pain).
Good luck! Thank god you have feelings, looks like you turned out alright!
It's very dissapointing to end up with a parent like that.I totally understand how you feel.
2007-12-19 16:24:21 · answer #6 · answered by AskThomas 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Stressfull situation come just got to deal with it the right way and have time to relax
Try telling her in a way , in a nice way but not directly but try to make her understand only a little bit that u dont want her to come and see her respond..
If that doesnt work then that up to you to decide if you tell her straight up or make a deal with her
but idk, goodluck though hope you the best with ur wedding.
2007-12-19 16:15:19 · answer #7 · answered by digitaljimmy123 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what makes you happy!!! My mother and matron of honour hated each other but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I just tried to keep them apart...Let me tell you, they got into this huge-physical-fight during my rehearsal dinner and my matron of honour, one of my groomsmen, my flower girl, and my child attendant all left and did not come to my wedding because of my mother. It was a huge disaster and now when people talk about my wedding...that event is one of the first things to come up. I am actually quite traumatized by it. Just do what is going to make you happy!!!!
2007-12-22 09:16:05 · answer #8 · answered by Carrie L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i suggest you tell her what you feel and set limitations to her if she will do bad in your wedding, set limitations to her in the future, that is the consequences of her bad doing.
2007-12-19 16:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by blue violet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just ask her to came over set with her alone and tell he how you fell about every thing i know its hard but it will be better the telling her you dont want her there maybe then you will make her rlize that what shes doing is wrong and she will wake up to her slef.
2007-12-19 16:20:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋