So christmas is upon us, and my family is of course having the typical gatherings! I have an aunt who hates my guts! She will be at two of these gatherings. I always try to be mature and not let her bother me, but she comes and starts hurling insults at me! She tells that i am useless and a piece of trash. (she is such a religious person! lol! or trys to act that way)
Well she cant stand me because I told on her son who molested me for years! She cannot accept the fact that he did this to me. He has moved out of state and no one hears from him! Well I want to see all of my family but I am now 4 months pregnant and tired of her crap! What should I do! I want to see my family but not her! What to do?
2007-12-19 13:29:50 · 8 answers · asked by Jessicka S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Nope no one comes to my rescue! I am the loud outspoken one that has everyone elses back! Sucks to be me! Because when she starts in on me...I feel like that same child that was so vulnerable and scared and I cant say anything! I clam up!
2007-12-19 13:54:37 · update #1
She views you as the enemy.
When she's around you she probably feels vulnerable, since she thinks YOU hurt her by taking away her son (just her likely point of view, we all know that's not the truth).
If I am right then she uses the age old tactic of "I'll get YOU before you get ME".
Somehow, she must believe this is working for her because either (a) you cower in a corner, & let her attack you, or (b) everyone else in the room cowers in a corner & lets her attack you, or both (a) & (b).
I actually like the 1st guys answer where he suggested that you create your own family gathering, but don't invite her.
But if that isn't possible, then you need to find a way to stop her attacks. She may be less likely to indulge herself with her attacks on you is she knew that the room was packed with support for you.
If your family truly loves & supports you then they won't want to stand idley by & watch someone abuse you, especially if it's not deserved.
2007-12-19 14:06:00 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty, I would not attend. No, it's not fair, but life isn't always fair. (As you sadly had to find out in a very difficult way)
Talk to your mother (or closest relative) and explain to them why you will not be coming. Perhaps invite the relatives you most want to see to come to your own home.
At this time of your life, you need to look after yourself, and that includes your emotional health. Will you want your child around such a person? Would you want their every Christmas marred by that person?
It's an awful situation. Just put yourself first. You deserve it.
2007-12-19 22:05:34 · answer #2 · answered by dastardlyboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think maybe the thing to do is talk to the other family member who are going to be hosting the get together and tell them you would really like to attend but you don't need the stress of your aunts verbal abuse , being pregnant; and if they would like you to be there you will,but if your aunt starts in,you will leave unless they do something about it. she most likely blames you for alienating her son when in reality it was her son who did this not you. she's just too hurt to admit this . so when she sees you, she strikes out at you because she feels guilty, and she doesn't want to face up to her own shortcomings.
2007-12-19 22:25:48 · answer #3 · answered by benthr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her upfront if she starts on you that you want to put all of this aside and have a nice Christmas. Put her in her place. If it escalates, have someone else ready to back you up. If everyone else wants a nice quiet Christmas, she will be outnumbered and either go with the flow, or leave. Good luck, and Merry Christmas!
2007-12-19 21:39:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kim W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't anyone else come to your rescue? That would stink if no one tells this bully to shut her trap or leave! That's how my family would handle someone verbally abusing someone else. Why would they allow or want her to ruin the whole idea of having a nice get-together?
Maybe you could call her up before you see her and tell her to get all of her venom out before you have to see her, and before SHE ruins the entire visit. Best wishes.
2007-12-19 21:48:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right its a tough one If I was at your place I would do it this way ;; I would write her a letter ; warning her that if she insult me in any shape or form in front of my family she would regret it for the rest of her life and I would add rest assure I will take action . That being said I would sign my full name and mail the letter If she has a intelligence even if its just the size of a pea she will understand that you will not tolerate her verbal abuse anymore
2007-12-19 21:53:40 · answer #6 · answered by lala 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live on your own, have a gathering at your house or apartment, and tell everyone they are welcome, if your aunt comes over and starts crap then kick her out. That way you look like you invited everyone and it was her actions that got her kicked out of the gathering.
2007-12-19 22:45:52 · answer #7 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make another party and invite everyone but her
2007-12-19 21:37:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋