My 5 year old refuses to potty train! How do I fix this?!?

Question

I've been trying to potty train her since she was 2! She still has 0 interest in the potty. We've been to the doctor, there's nothing medically wrong with her. I've even tried taking the diapers away. Eventually, I got fed up with cleaning her and the floor and the furniture up constantly and not being able to take her anywhere and gave back her diapers. I'm not talking 3 days no diapers, it was a month!
When we try to train her, she gets so upset, cries, and begs me not to make her use the potty. She's not afraid of it, just doesn't want to use it.

I only cleaned AFTER she cleaned (I need to be sure it's out of the rug). I went a MONTH without giving in to a diaper.
In diapers, she's the one who wipes up. I just make sure it's on straight. I'm not wiping up if she's not going to train. She would rather learn to put diapers on herself than potty train.

We've tried seats, music, rewards, punishment, ... She doesn't care if other kids will laugh,
...and of course, when she asks for a new toy... well I spent the money on diapers, so no toy. Yet, she's still in diapers. She hasn't very many toys though. She clings to her bear, and I refuse to take that. Some things are just too cruel.

She's fine with most else... talking, cups, walking, etc etc. Aside from potty training (or refusal there of), she's reasonably well behaved, although a little clingy.
She just won't give up diapers.

Only idea I have left is to go ahead and teach her to completely change her own diapers, and then pretend I don't care. Maybe it's a power struggle, and if I don't care anymore, what power is there to struggle over?

Answer 1

Hang in there! She probably has developed some fears about the experience and now needs extra peace of mind. Take a look at The Potty Stool http://www.thepottystool.com My kids love it. I started by just setting it at the toilet. This stool makes every toilet kid-sized. My kids immediately climbed up on this stool and discovered that they could safely and securely use the toilet. This got them very interested in using the toilet and they were potty trained very quickly.

My kids like to use what they know mommy and daddy use. And it really is wonderful having your kids independently use the toilet on their own. The handles and sides make all the difference! My son and daughter felt very secure and the sides makes them feel comfortable and closed in when they use the toilet.

Putting toilet paper over the water to stop splashing helps too.
I like that I don't have to double the steps of potty training by training them first in a potty and then training them to stop using a potty. And not dumping and cleaning a potty each time is great. The best thing is that kids use it for years. I hope this helps you

Answer 2

She can't be in school then, as schools won't take kids until they are toilet trained (at least here they wont).

Talk to her. Tell her that everyone who is 5 is toilet trained at school. Explain to her that if other kids find out she still wears diapers they will laugh.

Maybe she associates losing you with losing the diapers.

Tell her if she becomes toilet trained you will reward her with something she really wants. Make her choose. Maybe a game system, a trip somewhere, a party if her birthday should be coming up.

See if there is anything she would like around the toilet that would make her feel more comfortable, a special seat, music. It has to come from her but just see what you can pull out of her.

Tell her she can wear the diapers at night if she wants but in the day she needs to use the potty. Maybe if you start with a compromise she will eventually ease out of it.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Perhaps it's become too big a deal for her. It does sound like a power struggle, but that doesn't mean she's choosing to be naughty - just that she's got totally overwhelmed and frightened by the whole thing.

I suggest you say absolutely nothing about it for the next few months. If she's changing her own diapers, then that's OK - just let her know that when she's ready, she can move to underwear and use the toilet. But make sure she knows that you love her anyway, and that it's her body, and she has the right to say how she uses it. Some children hate being given rewards as much as punishment - they just want to get on with their lives and stop being the centre of attention.

Answer 4

That must be really hard, you are going to have to force her to go potty, and give her no other choice. Get rid of all her special toys and treats, especially her favorite toy and slowly give her toys and treats back the more she goes on the potty. I knew a little girl that went Ikea to play with her mom and there was a playland there and the little girl wasn't allowed to go in because she was still in diapers and she never wore them again because it upset her so much, it will probably take an event like that to shock her system. But seriously, she can't go to school in diapers, kids are going to make fun or her, just take all the special things away and don't give in to her crying, you are doing for her benefit. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I agree with twistedD. Your daughter is just being stubborn! You need to break her of this now. Put regular underwear on her and completely get rid of the diapers. Only have regular underwear in the house. When she pees herself or poops herself make her clean it up. Don't you do it. She is not using the toilet because she knows you will clean her up. When I started training the 2 year old that I am babysitting, he screamed and threw fits. After a couple of weeks of him doing this he realized that I was not going to give in and started using the potty. When I put regular underwear on him and he wanted a diaper and I did not give in. He is almost toilet trained. So, good luck and hope you get this done soon.

Answer 6

U just have to make her im guessin, at 5 she ll know rite from wrong! Try a toilet instead my friend used reusable ice cubes (bright coloured ones) down the toilet so she could c them her daughter was 3 tho, I honestly have never heard of a child of 5 refusing i bet its very frustrating for you ask a health visitor for tips? or maybe they have books on potty training im guessing they do as they have books on everything

Answer 7

Put her in the absorbant underwear with the plastic liners, and if she messes herself or pees herself, make HER clean it. It's pure laziness of a 5 year old to not be day trained. Maybe after a couple times of cleaning her own poop and pee, she'll figure it's better to use the potty and be done with it. Make her scrub her own poopy pants, instead of you doing it, in the sink with soap, etc, and of course make sure she sanitizes her hands afterwards. Sounds harsh, but she might just get the message. If there's nothing medically wrong with her, she's being lazy, and I suggest drastic measures to fix it.

Answer 8

My daughter took a long time to completely potty train, so I understand your frustration. It was like we tried everything! I was about to give up when my mother told me to get rid of all pull ups completely. So, I told my daughter that after that pack of pull ups there were no more for her to use. She asked about me getting more and I told her there were no more. I took her to the store and told her "see there are no more pull ups, only panties. We bought about 4 packs of panties. It was really a gross period of time because she would mess herself right in the panties. I would put on gloves and wash them out. I made her wash them out as well. After about 2 weeks (YES, 2 WEEKS!) of messing in those same panties, she was trained. We celebrated and went and got her new, pretty ones. This has to be fixed prior to her going to school.

Answer 9

make it a race to go to the potty and a the high five her. i also went through that phase of having to mop pee on the floor and poop on pants make her want to enjoy it

Answer 10

At this age you might want to add some discipline since
there is no medical problems.