My department at work has it's own christmas party ... I was not informed/invited.?

Question

My department has it's own Xmas party and I was not informed/invited. This has happened to me for the last 6 years... This year it planned by a person that I considered my friend. She was excluded herself a few years back when someone else was the planner and she was devastated at the time. She even made mention at that time the if she were ever chosen to be the planner "she would NEVER exclude anyone" Now that it's her turn she has excluded me... I care some what but im mostly confused ... Part of me says do what I always do ... I generally just "pretend" not to know about the party. The other part of me wants to ask her why she too has chosen not to invite me?
Should I ask her about this ???

Another coworker "broke code" and let me in on the party plans and that she and others were told not to tell me or talk about the party in front of me. This person advised me to "go with her " Which of course I would never do !

This is not an "official" company party. I work for the government... We throw out own parties. There is "one" big party that "one and all " are invited to. The party in question is my department party. It's very informal about 15-20 people. I am not real sure of the reason that I am excluded. Everyone seems nice to my face and I don't argue or fight with anyone. I will admit that some of the longer term employees feel that I get special treatment. I have a slight disability that required a very slight modification to my work duties. In exchange of the duties that I can't perform I was given a MUCH heavier work load on the things that I can perform to make up the difference... That has made some people in the department not like me.

Answer 1

OK, if you have been excluded from the party for 6 years running, it is time to take a hard look at things at work. Especially since people are being *told* not to tell you.

I'd talk to my Human Resources representative and then the party organizer.

And consider looking for another place to work.

Answer 2

This person you consider a friend...are you sure she is excluding you? did she know you were upset that you were not invited?

There is always a slim chance that she assumed you haven't gone in 6 years and didn't care to go. You said she was telling you she was devastated--did you share that you were devastated or did you say something like Why do you care that they are excluding you?

I know if it were me--I'd go anyway. You said you'd never do that but I dont understand why not. After all, you work there. It's your Xmas party too. But the fact that you've never gone might make people think it is your choice not to go instead of that you are being excluded. This is your WORK. If you care about working there you'd go to social events and try to network.

I agree with everyone else. This is ridiculously juvenile for a business. Either speak to HR, do something about it and go anyway (don't allow them to think of promotions without you), OR start looking for another place of employment!

However--like I said if it were me I wouldn't tolerate this. I'm out of high school. I'd have been that person who broke code and I think you should go with her. It's an employee party and you are an employee. Not going only makes it look to bosses like you refused to attend--yet again. Stand up for yourself. Go and socialize.

Answer 3

It's an official party thrown by the department? If so, it's not up to her to decide who can attend. It's the BOSS who decides. Take this up to him/her and have that so-called friend disciplined. A boss doesn't want to see anyone left out from social functions organized by the company because an exclusion would harm the team spirit.

Answer 4

I would send an email to the people in my department telling them how you feel. Say that you felt like they went out of your way to disclude you. You are all part of the same team. Tell them how much it really hurt you. Its one thing to have a holiday party and invite some coworkers, but its another thing to have a department party and not invite one of the teammates.
Wow I cant believe you work with so many selfish people!Good Luck!

Answer 5

wow, that's horrible. I think i might bring it up to the planner, but it'd be safer to first ask the person who "broke code" about the reasons given for not inviting you.

I can't help but think how 'highschool' this all sounds, but in the workplace, it could actually be taken more seriously. Is there a HR department? what about your boss? these people should step in, i think.

Answer 6

have you been silent about this for the full 6 years? if so then your going to continue to get overlooked~
frankly i think it is rude!
And I don't think i would consider her a friend either.. friends stick up for each other.
i would stated face to face in a meeting and confront them all about it!
just be cool and don't sound lame
you could say something along the lines of

I have not been included in any parties this department throws. I feel slightly betrade by someone who i thought was my friend but she can't even be a friend to her self or don't know how to stick with what she has said.
I find all of you rude and catty. I don't want the invite now due to pity.. but i will leave you with this. and walk out... and go do your job!

err
or you could say to your so called friend
guess what i heard about the party and i think your a shady little caddy brat. Thought you were a friend but you turn to be like everyone else!

or just show up to the party
and be the life of it!

or show up and give everyone a bag of coal

or kill them with kindness and teast them with gifts wait untill a day before the party and say I got everyone (name exspeivie gift) can't wait to find out when the party is so i can give everyone there new "diamond watches" a friend of mine cut me a deal and i know it's a hot item! are we even having a party this year! play it off even more and go get something costly and show your friend say do you think everyone would like this!
word will get around with the caddy brats you work with and sence they are caddy they will either invite you so they get gifts ... if they do go and bring everyone a bag of coal!
smile and leave!

most partys aren't worth the time and energy anyway!
but reguardless it hurts when your not included!
tell them all to go screw themselfs!

Answer 7

For whatever reason, let it go. You don't want to know and you should not care less about it. There must be a good reason for it.

Answer 8

Don't ask her about it. Not to be cruel, but it is obvious you aren't wanted there by your department. Your friend has to respect that while she is planning the party. She isn't trying to betray you; she is trying to keep the peace.

Answer 9

Sounds like a bunch of catty women,glad I don't work there.