Misuse of my husband's money.?

Question

iam an Indian girl married a few months back to an NRI guy living in US.My husband comes from a huge joint family comprising of his parents, uncle and his brother's family.They run a family business which is self sufficient if they budget it well .The problem is that there is constant pressure on my husband to send thousands of dollars every few months to cater to the lifestyle of all the members.The money my husband sends gets deposited in a joint account with his brother in India who spends its exclusively for his spendthrift wife and daughters. Before my marriage my husband was not able to save a dime because of his mom's pressure to send money. I started convincing him and advicing him a lot on the proper management of money and so we have started saving a bit. Yet constantly my husband feels the guilt of not satisfying his family's needs and wants to satisfy them. Pls advice me on how to tackle this situation because our financial situation is becoming a constant worry in my life.

Answer 1

People back home in India think their relatives living abroad are just flourishing in money & are in habit of multiplying the amount of income/salary they make by 40 in case of USA. The fact they forget that this relative living in USA or any other foreign country is earning in that foreign currency as well spending in the same & the commodities are not so cheap out in the foreign countries even if they are being manufactures or produced their leave aside if these commodities get imported even in those countries. Rather those very commodities one get out here in India are cheaper as compared to foreign countries let be a cell phone or a T.V. or music system etc. This bad habit of expecting in US $ is not going to end as we Indian feel something great is coming our way by these foreign bank drafts. Rather I know the professional fees of doctores, nurses, lawyers.architacts, engineer etc are so high that it becomes impossible for an ordinary citizen out there to afford it in normal circumstance & has to rely on the insurance companies to help them out for any professional help. Easy said then done for we Indian sitting here but how difficult is life out their can only be realized by an Indian who has spent some timeout their then only he or she realize the importance of 1 US $ too. People here will run for cab to travel small distance of mile or two, but when they are in these foreign countries they will rather walk for miles rather spending few dollars on cab. In your case I can understand your financial position & what I really appreciate that after going to USA you as an individual understood the importance of money there. What I suggest that let you guys invest most of your earning in making some sort of property out there for which you will have to deposit monthly installment regularly, in this manner this sending of money back home in India will stop & in the meantime you will be making some property for yourself out there. Even if you have your own place of residence owned by you, still you can go in for a larger place, just to avoid this money sending back home & having a better accommodation for you guys. Once you are money constrained there by making any such investment, the question of sending money here will never arise. Give a thought on this & make your husband realize it now before it’s late for you both becoming bank corrupt out there fulfilling financial demands for relatives living here.

Answer 2

Why don't you convince your husband in taking you to the US, so that you can also work to support him? Besides, when you are staying together and spending quality time with each other without the interference of other family members, you can impress upon him, on how his hard-earned money is being squandered by his family members. Your constant presence in his daily life and activities there, away from family will give you leverage and your ideas and advice will be listened to better, don't you think? Slowly you can make him understand that his attention needs to shift to a family of his own. By mingling among like-minded couples like yours would also hopefully open his eyes, on the selfishness of his family. Frankly speaking, my situation is somewhat similar, and I think the sooner you stay together(by your moving to US) and maybe even plan on starting a family early on, might help. Proximity is definitely a necessity in the first few years for a newly wed couple if the marriage is to suceed and stay firm. He needs to acknowledge that you have only his best interests in mind and you will be his only partner to share all his problems. This can be done only with your personal presence in his life. So try and get him to take you alongwith him to the US

Answer 3

This is always there in a joint family...
Its very tough for wives to convince their husbands in such cases as their husbands are attached very much to their family. Even if wife tells him to save money husband will think that she is trying to break the bond in the family...
This is the same case, same problem what my mother is facing... My father does the same, giving money to his brothers and sisters who has dozens of children and gran children, no saving but only debt....

Only u can change ur husband. Tell ur husband to create one more account and keep ur savings there. Or tell him to give you some amount(fixed) every month which u can save it in ur account and tell him not to take it from u under any circumstances. Right now u might not be having kids but u will have one day and u'll need huge money for ur baby, education and everything. Try to convince him again and again...After having kids how much ever u have saving its less....And u always have to fulfil the minimum requirements and things whatever they ask. Savings will always help...Tell him to think about you and kids.

Answer 4

TRUE - IT HAPPENS

YOUR HUSBAND IS VERY MUCH ATTACHED TO THE FAMILY AND THE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY.

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR PLAN FOR THE FUTURE LIKE CHILDREN AND YOUR MARRIED LIFE. THIS IS THE FIRST THING. SECOND YOU HAVE MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND THAT THE FAMILY BUSINESS IS SUFFICIENT FOR THERE NEEDS.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND THAT HER MOTHER IS NOT TREATING ALL THE MEMBERS SAME. SHE IS THINKING JUST THE LIFES OF OTHERS AND NOT OURS.

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM AS HE IS WORRIED ABOUT THE FAMILY MEMBERS IN THE SAME WAY YOU ARE ALSO WORRIED AND CARE ABOUT IT.

TRY TO MANAGE THE MONEY OF YOUR HUSBAND BECOZ MAY BE DUE TO HIS WORK PRESSURE HE IS NOT ABLE TO THINK WITH A STABLE MIND.

DONT GET INTO ARGUEMENT WITH SUCH SITUATIONS

IF ALL THE ABOVE DONT WORK THEN THE OTHER OPTION IS INCREASE YOUR DEMAND FOR MONEY FROM YOUR HUSBAND SO THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SAVE FOR THE FUTURE. DONT TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE SAVING SHOW HIM HIGH BILL OF EXPENSES DONE AND ASK MONEY ON REGULAR BASIS

CHALAKI SE PAISE NIKALO - OK

BEST OF LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU

Answer 5

Are you sure this money is going to family or does your husband have to pay for another wife and kids of his? I would be suspicious. This doesn't sound right. I would get down to the nitty gritty on this one.

Answer 6

Your husband should only worry about you and your children; if you have any. If they want money, let them bring their tails down here to work for it.
They should NOT be stressing your family out.
When a man leaves his family to marry, he becomes one with his bride. They are no longer two, but ONE.
The only one that should matter is your family that you have with him. They should be happy that they receive anything from him. He is no longer obligated to them, only you.

Answer 7

I am facing very similar problem. It’s just other way around; my wife who is housewife wants to visit India almost every year just to visit her brother and sister. Her brother and sister has only called once from India. My wife will take many expensive gifts for them, while they will charge me Rs. 1500.00 to get horoscope for my fist son. i also heard they have more money them me. my wife visited twice and my In-laws had hardly send any shirt for me while they fail to understand that their sister is not working and spending so much of my money on gifts for them. I GUESS MANY PEOPLE IN INDIA ARE TOO INVOLVED IN SHOW-OFF, double standard, selfish and money greedy.

Take him to marriage counsellor and get some advise before it’s too late and before you have kids.

Answer 8

it is ok if he is having a share in the indian business and property.
if not he is doing a wrong thing.
after having family he should think of it also.

Answer 9

Teach your husband how to say, "NO!"