This guy was in love with me for 4 years. We are from different cultures therefore we hided the feelings insides.
I moved to different states. I found out he was in love with me. I am happy,but I was very busy with my new school, new job, new environment. So I told him--"I was not ready for a relationship". We kept in touch as friends. I never give him my phone number or address, we just e-mail each other. He wrote over 20 poems about how much he miss and want to be with me. I always let him know how I feel. I told him couple times that I love him and miss him. But we never made a plan to be with each other.
He was hurt , but still wait for me. He waited for 2 years. Nothing happens, therefore, he left me.
Am I too selfish? What went wrong here? Please advice. Thank you
2007-12-19 07:42:02 · 37 answers · asked by Hope 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Self absorbed and a little self centered.
2007-12-19 11:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has done all he can to show you how he feels, even to wait so long for you.
He's shown a side of him that most men keep hidden, writing poetry to a girl, is not easy for any man, and even after a 4 year relationship, and moving, he's tried his hardest not to lose contact, but now he's decided to cut his ties with you and move on, because all of this was hurting him and he was confused about where he stood with you.
And now, you say was I selfish ? what did you expect ? was it not you that told him you didn't want or was ready for a relationship for over 4 years? and then kept from him your new address and phone number, which you could have provided when you e-mailed him ?.
I think you need to sort out what you really want, you say you 'love him', then you have to make the first move, and prove to him that you're not going to 'play' with his feelings again, although that may not be enough for him now.
You may have 'lost your chance' to be with someone special, because of 'being too busy'...
It's not up to you now, it's up to your friend as to whether he again wants to pick up the pieces where you left off and start again.
Hope this helps.. sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear.
a friend x
2007-12-19 08:19:54 · answer #2 · answered by CARAMAC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seemed like a good guy. One of a few. I don't believe that you were to selfish. Just that he couldn't hold out any more. It seemed that he was very patient and waited as long as he could, he dealt with the fact that all he got was an e-mail address... i think that over time if you cared for him you would have opened up more... maybe slowly given your number so that he would have had more to hang on to. And telling a guy you love him and miss him hurts if they cant be with you or that's all he had to go on kinda sucks... put your self in his shoes and imagine how much he cared and then look at how you acted towards him.... what do you think?
2007-12-19 07:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by MiSS.RANDOMNESS♥ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt really call you selfish, but you cant expect him to wait forever. You had good reasons for not being with him right then, but 2 years is a very resonible time to wait for someone, longer then most would wait. The only way you could get him now is tell him you are ready right now and be with him, otherwise let him go, if you just drag him along, that is selfish.
2007-12-19 07:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by Landon's Mommy! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if I would say selfish, maybe just self-focused. Relationships can only come together and work when both people are ready to devote their time and energy to them. If you were not ready to be in a relationship, and you told him that, then he is the one that decided to wait and there is nothing you could have done. Yes, you lost him, but if you couldn't be what he needed because you were pursuing other things, then it is better that he find someone who can. When you have the time to devote to being with someone, you will find someone and then it will work.
2007-12-19 07:48:26 · answer #5 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If love could be enough would there be most of the horrible things in this world? You just didnt have the right timing. Long distances can be really hard too. I think everyone learns in life there are loves that cant happen. So we grow and learn and eventually love again. I dont think youre being too selfish. In the end just knowing youve been loved and gave love in return is all that really matters.
2007-12-19 07:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a situation i have been in i have been in a long distance relationship for a year and i recently broke up with my boyfreind because of the distance.You are not too selfish long distance relationships are very hard to keep,i still love my ex and miss him,but im trying to move on,sometimes love is not enough to keep you together.
2007-12-19 07:51:38 · answer #7 · answered by Trace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know from experience that it's very difficult to still love/like someone who you never see. You were right to decide to not have a relationship. Long-distance relationships rarely work out. And you guys got to know each other for a long time before getting into anything serious. Maybe he thought he'd never get to see you. Or that you didn't really like him. I don't think it was selfish of you at all!
2007-12-19 07:50:02 · answer #8 · answered by Jaycie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not selfish. I think it's good that you were worried about your future and I also think you did the right thing by not throwing a boyfriend in the middle of everything else you had going on. I wish younger people always thought like that. Maybe he found someone though, or maybe he was tired of waiting. Think of this as a good thing though. Keep your head up.
2007-12-19 07:48:41 · answer #9 · answered by jesscblu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish..if you are not ready for a relationship, then you should not feel forced to be in one.He waited for you for so many years, perhaps he just got tired of waiting, and possibly found someone else.If he was waiting for you for that long, he obviously cares for you deeply, but was hurt that you never made time to be with him.I recommend that you try your best to keep in touch as friends, and try to contact him regularily, and maybe one day you guys will fall in love again.
2007-12-19 07:47:02 · answer #10 · answered by *_* Katerrr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two needed to have a blunt and honest conversation about your feelings for each other and your goals and desires in life. If you have mutual feelings, goals and desires, you should have made plans to live in the same city and to be together. If your goals and desires in life are much different from one another, you are just being honest in pursuing the life that you desire.
It sounds to me like what you both did wrong was to not honestly share what you wanted from the very beginning.
2007-12-19 07:47:22 · answer #11 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋