We argue constantly but we love eachother very much...its kinda bittersweet and we cant do without eachother...any suggestions? and no we dont want counseling..we cant afford that..
2007-12-19 07:23:25 · 18 answers · asked by Mz.ATL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The reality of the situation is, if you want your marriage to work, you can't afford not to have counseling. Arguing all the time will only strain your marriage.
2007-12-19 08:13:29 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey - you can't NOT afford premarital counseling. What you are doing now is toxic to your relationship.
Just from your brief post - it sounds like there is some kind of control/competition issue - you don't see eye to eye on a subject (any subject) and you argue because someone has to be the winner. He probably punches the wall and you cry and you both rely on old and past phrases and names and such...
Am I close?
What you need is to find new ways to work out differences. Ways where you come to an answer that includes "we win! Yay!" - not "I win - you lose. Nya Nya Nya..."
That can only be accomplished with a good counselor - a third party who can stop the argument before it escalates into a full-fledged ugly. And can say things like - Stop - Now, here's where you're relying on old phrases... etc.
Maybe you can find an understanding minister or check out public mental health or something. BUT please, it's really important that you two learn how to disagree in a constructive way. What you're doing now is toxic - and you're bound to be unhappy.
2007-12-19 07:46:40 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel, ive had similar relationships. But the thing you always have to remember is "is it really a great relationship if you guys constantly argue"?
i had a relationship with this guy once and i felt like i HAD to find a way to make the relationship work because i didnt believe there was anyone else out there for me but him, i loved him so much, and he felt this exact same way for me. But we both decided it wasnt working because we both were just hurting eachother too much. and now ive found someone who treats me great and we barely ever argue.
just something for you to think about.
if that is just totally not an option for you at this point than just think about giving eachother some space...space always helps you grow and realize how much you need eachother.
2007-12-19 07:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by lee lee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel! My fiance and I just started pre marital counseling. Its amazing! Try to save up money to go, its well worth it. (alot cheeper then divorce) We are paying $75 an hour, which I think is a fare price. But I know how money can be tight. So I would suggest to talk to other married couples for advice. Find couples that you admire because of their relationship. They would be happy to help, and they are going through it. You should also be able to find a pastor or minister (or whatever you go to) to help for free. Even just to sit down for 15 mins to talk about some things.
READ THIS BOOK: Love and rescpect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It is AWESOME!!! Its helped my fiance and me alot! Totally changed our realtionship for the better!
Good luck, your marriage will be so much better when you guys aren't arguing!
2007-12-19 08:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by missxo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you arguing about? If it's little things and it's not hurting either of you, then it's not as big of a deal. If it's major things or you're hurting each other, then you do need to get some kind of help. Many churches and organizations offer free or very inexpensive counseling.
2007-12-19 07:27:51 · answer #5 · answered by Ray 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with each other and think about what your arguments consist of...what are they about, bills, housework, work etc. Then talk it out...it sounds corny but my fiance have been together for 3 1/2 years and we have gotten into 3 arguments the whole time we've been together. It takes some time for me to talk to him when something bothers me but when I do talk I feel so much better. People don't believe us, but you really cant sweat the small stuff, if you do, it can hurt a perfectly good relationship
2007-12-19 08:52:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately its more common than you think, one or both of you feels for whatever reason that you don't deserve better. Its sad. My daughter is in a relationship just like that, they love to hate each other. You have to remember that your not the only ones suffering because of it. People don't want to be around other people that are constantly fighting. Maybe you should spend some time apart and decide if its really what you both want.
2007-12-19 07:32:05 · answer #7 · answered by Kit 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you argue all the time, how can the two of you be happy together. I would look for a counseling agency that goes on a prorated basis based on income. Also, there are ministers or counselors that work pro bono.
2007-12-19 07:47:39 · answer #8 · answered by mynxr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well marriage should be out of the question. You just arent ready for it.
You should be able to talk, once in a while argue but never argue all the time.
Maybe its time to give each other some great space.
2007-12-19 10:52:58 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are two pieces that my lady and I have worked real hard at getting in place between us:
You are not the enemy, I am not the enemy.
Today I am grateful for these things about you...
Gratitude and resentment cannot coexist. Be very deliberate about being grateful and the friction between you will subside.
Take 10 minutes before dinner every night and each of you say what you're grateful for that day: in yourself, in your life, in each other.
Practice sitting down and looking each other in the eye for 1 minute, and saying "We are partners not enemies. I trust you. I want the best for you. I cherish you."
This stuff is really simple but it works.
2007-12-19 07:34:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋