How old were you when your family stopped treating you like a child?

Question

I'm 27, married, live on my own, college educated, have a job, car, etc, but my family STILL treats me as if I'm the same little kid that needs to constantly be told what to do! If I'm at my parent's house and mom's talking to a relative, she will give me the phone and dictate to me what to say like I'm 5 years old! I get lectured all the time for not calling relatives/visiting more. I get chastised if there is a function and I have to work, etc. We have a family member that will die soon, and if I dont travel across the country to go to the service, I will never hear the end of it, even thought I dont have the kind of life where I can drop everything! I'm tired of everyone acting like I'm still that little kid in the family (theres no kids around, so I'm actually one of the youngest right now). I'm afraid that one day I'm gonna explode at somebody and then I'll really be in trouble! Anyone have this issue?

Answer 1

Just quietly and politely stand your ground. If you don't want to be roped into the telephone scenario you describe, then when you're at your parents' house and the phone rings, get as far away from it as you can. And if your mother still succeeds in handing you the phone, say into it what YOU want to say, and if your mother keeps kibbitzing, hold up your hand in a "Not now--don't disturb me" signal. When she tries to lecture you about calling relatives more often, just say "Mm hmm" and change the subject. And when you legitimately can't get off work for some family function, just keep calmly telling them so. "But I can't get off work. . . . . But I can't get off work. . . . . But I can't get off work." Some of these tricks, along with more, are taught in assertivness training.

Realize, however, that you may not fully stop being your mother's child until she becomes yours.

Answer 2

Yep, it seems to be a family control thing that stems from the "old fashioned" belief that parents, and elderly relatives know best, that being, no matter how old the child is, in the eyes of the family that child is still just a child. Their hearts won't let them be seen as being able to cope without them.


It is hard to take if you are on the receiving end, but a little easier to understand when you have grown up kids of your own.

My mum still treated us as kids even when we were married and had children of our own - some of us were almost 50years old with grandchildren, and we were still told what to do, when and how to do it. We usually just said "yes, mum" and listened politely and waited till we were home and did it our way.

It is something that happens in some families.

Try not to explode because then you will just be proving their point.

Be mature but maybe - when the time is right - simply smile and roll your eyes and grin saying " aww MUM I'm a big girl now" by doing something like this, you acknowledge the fact she is your mum, but turn it a little with a giggle.

It may take a little time but if you can just take the anger out of it and let them enjoy "looking after you" for a while longer, it may ease the regrets of " too little too late" later on.

Answer 3

Just because your generation has been made to feel paranoid and knit picking about anything and everything concerning parents doesn't mean you need to do it. Your parents know how old you are. You will always be their daughter and they will always be your parents. My hubby works out of the home and we've managed to get to many functions along with having a life outside the work both of us do.

As far as the most important issue, which is a loved one dying you are being reminded to care on adult level and that is appropriate despite rumors of anti-family talk. A 5 year old barely understands death is final or what a funeral is right? They also don't understand anything about family supporting each other during these times on an adult level. So, I do not see where you are being treated like a 5 yr. old.

Answer 4

I'm 29, college educated, live on my own, have a successful career, new car, etc but my family expects me to bend to every whim. They butt into my financial affairs and tell me where I should spend my money and how much I should put away. If there is bad weather and I am out my parents expect me to call them when I get home. If I am purchasing a gift and they don't think I spent enough on this person, they tell me that I should spend more. If I am sick but don't go to the doctors (I have a fear of doctors), I am told to stop being immature and do what "adults do" and go to the doctors. If there is something that starts at 5:00 but I don't get out of work until 6:00, they get mad for shirking my responsibilities to my family if I don't get there for 5:00. This is actually the best it's been. Before I moved out on my own, it was always "where are you going?", "Who else will be there?" My brother is 29 (we are twins) and still lives at home. He spent the night at some girl's house without checking in with my parents and my dad called him at 7:00 in the morning to find out when he was coming home.

Answer 5

When I was 36 my dad actually told me I could do as I liked as I was a grown woman. That night was the first I spent in his house that he didn't lock the door at 10pm (his bedtime) and didn't expect me to stay home after dark. At that age I was a professional, I owned my own home outright having paid off my mortgage in under 10 years and had been living in a different country to him for more than a decade. No wonder my husband refused to visit with me.
To be honest I never thought I would live to see that happen.

Answer 6

I'm the youngest of 3 siblings, am 50 years old, and have a son who is grown and married.
My ex-brother and ex-sister have treated me without respect and dashed sarcasm at me without restraint. My so-called brother tortured me as a child and has threatened me as an adult, but they treat my son like the grown man he is. Go figure.
I'm the one who has many wonderful friends. They can count theirs on one hand and I don't have enough digits to count mine. Neither have ever married, as nobody would put up with either of them.
I find that to be very telling.
I treat my son, and respect him, as a peer; the same with my daughter-in-law.
After spending years trying to have an adult relationship with my former siblings and beating my head into the wall, I was finally able to ditch them after my mom died. I've never felt freer in my life, and I'm no longer "the baby"; I'm an only child.
My son won't have anything to do with them, either, and it was his decision. He's not rejecting them because of me.
Hang in there-- someday you'll be able to dump those unrespectful relatives and feel good about it!

Answer 7

I'm 19 years old, and live in my own apartment and drive and my parents still treat me like a baby, and it will never stop, believe me. To parents we will always be their kids and we'll always need to be taken care of by them. I dont get it either but I've learned to accept it, yes it will drive you bonkers and even stress you out, but try talking to them about it, all have coffee one day and explain how you feel, I did it with my parents and they toned it down....I told them that I can be in a shopping mall alone and can drink coffee and they understood, some parents just have a hard time letting go of their babies :)

Answer 8

Probably around 18 or so. I have some of the same issues with my Mom as you with your family, though. Most of us have some of those problems. That's just how it is. They'll always be older than you and think they know what's best for you. Just ask them nicely to lay off just a little bit. Tell them you love them, you know they just want to help, and you appreciate their help but you need a little space.

Answer 9

Live your life with No Regrets........with that I mean before you say or do anything, ask yourself will I regret this later.

I wish my mom and dad were here to treat me like a kid again....It is MOST parent's way of saying, " no matter how old you get, honey, you will always be my little girl/boy and I love you so much".

Why not stop sweating the little things in life and concentrate on enjoying everyday to the fullest.

Answer 10

OOOO..i got you! Si i am ababy of a family of five! two older brothers and two older sisters! with a mqajor age difference! my eldest sister is 32 and i am 17! here it goes! older brothers and sisters wont see that you have grown to be a young lady who makes respectable choices unless you actually have made respectable choices! so if you get a job thats a plus....if you show honesty they will trust you! for example: I am about to graduate but i am struggling with one of my math classes if you show that you care about it so much you wont give up that will be a plus. or if you are going to party just show that you are responsible enought to work hard so you can play hard! and make sure ur bro nows the location and the time it starts of the party ! good lck i completly understand your predicament!