My boyfriend of 5 years and I have a chapel reserved to get married in a little over a year from now. I'm finishing up college and applying to graduate school while holding down two jobs, so I don't have much free time to devote to wedding plans and it would really help to start soon, but I feel like I shouldn't start planning until everything is official (i.e. until we're engaged). But I don't want to pressure my boyfriend into proposing or ruin any plans he has with my impatience, but at the same time, it seems dishonest for me to hide the pressures I'm beginning to feel from him.
2007-12-19 06:30:11 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
OK, let me get this straight...you have a place and a date for the wedding? That, in my book, is engaged, even if you don't have a ring yet. I would just be honest with him. Tell him that you realized that the date the two of you had chosen is approaching, and that since you are so busy, you think it would be prudent to begin planning, little by little, so that everything will be ready. let him know that you are not trying to pressure him and that you are not expecting any particular response. Ask him if that date is still ok with him or if you should talk about adjusting the date. That may help take some of the anxiety and pressure out of the situation.
2007-12-19 06:37:07 · answer #1 · answered by AK 3 · 16⤊ 2⤋
Say, "So we've made this reservation and so I suppose I should start making plans. I guess we're officially engaged?" Your uncertainty should be a pretty big hint that you would have expected a proposal by now.
If he says, "I don't think we're engaged yet," then you can say, "Well it would be awfully weird to show up at the chapel next year and still not be engaged...so I guess you'd better pop the question soon! Remember I need to start planning, so if you're not planning to propose for awhile I might need to start making arrangements either way so I'm not a crazy person in the months before the wedding date..."
If he says, "Yeah, go ahead and start planning, I'm not planning anything special" then you're engaged and he isn't planning to propose. If you really want a proposal from him you should bring it up... "You know, I'm glad we know we're getting married, but I feel like I kinda missed out on the whole romantic proposal thing. Do you think you could surprise me with something?"
Essentially, just be honest. He must be ready to marry you or he wouldn't have agreed to put the reservation in for the chapel. He must understand that you aren't going to wait forever to make plans when you have a reserved chapel already.
2007-12-19 18:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by weirdiscomplimentary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you both reserve the chapel, or was it just you?? Has he even talked about a wedding at all? No proposal or ring, either? You need to have that conversation, asap. Because it sounds like he does not think there will be a wedding, period. If he were excited to marry you, he'd be talking about it and at least helping out with some of the preparations. I would hold off on the chapel.......I don't think he sounds ready. You sound like you have done very well at school....it is very important to continue with your plans for graduate school. If you are both college age you have lots of time ahead of you. Talk to him and ask him to be completely honest with you. Good luck!!
2007-12-19 14:59:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anya 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most people don't reserve a spot to get married in until they've actually gotten engaged. Maybe you should cancel the reservation for the chapel until you're actually engaged. Then you don't have to worry about planning anything, and you don't have to bother your boyfriend about proposing. Just a thought. Good luck!
2007-12-19 15:13:05 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you two get a chapel reserved before you were even engaged? If he has already reserved the chapel for yalls wedding I don't think you'd really be "pressuring" him if you told him about making future plans. If he didnt want to marry you then he wouldnt have booked it. The only thing I dont understand is why he hasn't asked you to marry him yet.
2007-12-19 14:41:15 · answer #5 · answered by *Jace's Mommy* 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well I hope he knows the chapel is already reserved. If so he obviously knows that it is coming up. Wait until after the holidays, he might do it then. If he doesn't then maybe bring it up in casual conversation and discuss the matter. I would definitely not plan it without being engaged and him knowing. Best of luck!
2007-12-19 15:29:10 · answer #6 · answered by ttc #2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have a chapel reserved? That indicates you have already started planning. If that is the case why don't you go ahead and research things like photographer, dress, cake, etc so you can just book everything once he pops the question.
2007-12-19 14:56:09 · answer #7 · answered by #2 in the oven 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you're jumping the gun to be making plans until there's an actual engagement. It's foolish if you have to put down deposits. Before you do anything else, you need to talk with your boyfriend and ask him what his plans are, remind him that you've reserved a chapel, and make it official. There mut have been some serious conversation about a wedding, or the chapel wouldn't be reserved, so I don't think a reminder talk is putting any undue pressure on him.
2007-12-19 14:37:45 · answer #8 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 2⤊ 4⤋
I would just state the facts to him like you did here. This way he knows that in order to get married at that time you need time to plan. If you doesn't propose then maybe there is a reason and it is not meant to be. After you let him know, I would just sit back and relax. After all if you does propose to you don't you want it to be a surprise?
2007-12-19 14:54:11 · answer #9 · answered by My baby boy arrived! 12/2/08 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What sort of pressure do you think is coming from him? Why would you feel the need to reserve a chapel if he hasn't proposed? Playing devils advocate here, but why are you waiting for him to propose? Why not turn the tables and You propose to him?
just my 2cents........
2007-12-19 14:40:57 · answer #10 · answered by aylatroy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋