My grandmother is going to die soon, and my father (it's his mother) is constantly "reminding" me that our extended family gets together for weddings and funerals.
Problem is, the funeral is 1500 miles away, which I don't have the time to drive, and airplanes are hard to come by, much less get a decent price right around Christmas! Not to mention my family is broke and has no extra money lying around to do this.
My dad thinks it's ok to go into debt for this, but I don't. I've been under a pile of debt for 6 years now and I've learned my lesson, and I'm not acquiring any more until it's paid off!
What should I do? What's a good way to break it to him that unless someone is willing to cough up some $$, I'm not going to be there.
2007-12-19 05:53:13 · 15 answers · asked by It's the hair 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Going into debt just to go to a funeral is a DUMB idea. The person is DEAD -- they couldn't care less if you are there or not.
Why is your dad so insistent on you being there? Are you his only immediate family left and he needs your support? Or does he just think that you need to be there "out of respect"?
Just tell him that you would love to be there, but that you are sorry, you simply do not have the money for a plane ticket. Either he can pay for it, or you can send flowers. You're a grown up. I really respect you for not wanting to sabatoge all that hard work. I bet your grandmother would agree with you.
2007-12-19 07:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I recently attended a funeral for my grandmother (my Dad's mom). I also recently got married and had to purchase a new car and there was not a lot of extra $ laying around for an airline ticket. I currently reside in Texas and my grandparents are in Pennsylvainia. My father and I spent hours that night looking online at all the discount sites calling airlines and found tickets for under $200.00. Trust me even if you were not that close having the closure and being able to say goodbye are more than worth it. I have 2 more grandparents that will be passing soon and plan to find a way to attend both of those funerals as well.
2007-12-19 15:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by texascutie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the airlines and explain your situation and find out the price of bereavement tickets. Then call your dad and tell him that you've done some research, this is the cheapest tickets out there considering the holidays and that you have X amount and that if he can come up with the rest that you'll be on the plane when the time comes. There isn't much else you can do, if you don't have it you don't have it. It does not mean you love your grandmother any less.
2007-12-19 14:42:25 · answer #3 · answered by tetlitea 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can explain to him what you have explained to us -- you can't afford it, and you have just spent several years getting out of debt, so you don't want to go back in.
You might want to think about why your father wants you to attend the funeral so badly. Perhaps he is feeling very sad and wants your support. Maybe you can provide that support even if you are not physically present.
By the way, some airlines and hotels offer bereavement fares that are less than the regular priced fares.
2007-12-19 14:14:57 · answer #4 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should make an attempt to go - check discounted airline fares and maybe even ask a travel agent to search for a bargain flight. Figure out how much you can spend on a ticket and tell your father that you can only afford this amount but the ticket costs this much. This puts the onus of figuring out a way for you to come on him.
If you don't end up going, be sure to send a large flower arrangement to the funeral home/church.
2007-12-19 14:11:52 · answer #5 · answered by Susan G 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's my understanding that most airlines have special rates for people attending funerals. Look into this option first. If it's still too much, then speak with your dad and let him know that you just can't afford it. Nobody can tell you what your financial constraints may or may not be; only you know this, and you need to do what's right for you. Good luck.
2007-12-19 15:24:08 · answer #6 · answered by Heidi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear of your impending loss. Tell your dad that you want to go, but simply cannot afford it. You've struggled to get out from under your earlier debt burden and cannot go there again. Ask him if he would be willing to pay for all or most of this journey. Perhaps if you are able to pay part of it, he will be willing to pay the rest.
2007-12-19 15:15:48 · answer #7 · answered by oldernwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were close to your grandmother, you should go. Plane tickets can't be that expensive, and it provides necessary emotional closure. Once you start missing your grandma, you'll be glad you were able to go.
If you weren't close to your grandmother, and don't think that the funeral will provide any emotional closure, then just tell your father that you cannot make it unless he helps you pay for the plane tickets.
2007-12-19 14:03:24 · answer #8 · answered by jimbell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him take your car to make up for you telling him you won't be able to attend, some things just cant be avoided, and if you cannot afford it, than that's that, I know how you feel. I did put myself into debt to take the family to Phoenix for Grandma's 99th birthday, but that decision is your alone to make. Can't let your dad guilt you into debt if you know it's not what is best for your family. Grandma would understand.
2007-12-19 20:24:14 · answer #9 · answered by Chelle Mary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were close to her, go even if it means more debt. I mean if you were willing to accrue debt for a big screen or new computer, surely you can for grandma. If this is a grandma you weren't close to, don't be pressured into going unless your dad wants to cough up money for a ticket.
2007-12-19 14:56:15 · answer #10 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋