We just started dating and he threw a bombshell on me! The second date I asked him repeatedly if he had any diseases, and he denies it. The next morning he said he lied. He said he did not want to lose me and he is falling in love with me. I am 40 and have not dated in 2 years. I do like him but this thing freaks me out! Tell me what you would do?
2007-12-19 05:52:49 · 69 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Break up with him. He is a liar and having herpes is just GROSS. There are other fish in the sea.
2007-12-19 05:55:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
1
2016-10-01 06:14:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a line to me. How can anyone fall in love after only two dates?
So far the man has lied to you and risked you catching an infectious disease. There are plenty of other fish in the sea , sweetie. Throw this one back. If he lies now you'll never be able to trust him. Lord knows what else he's hiding from you.
Herpes, if left untreated, can lead to all kinds of health problems. It can also be passed on to any children you two might have together. It's not worth the risk.
You haven't dated in 2 years, do you really want to take on something like this as soon as you get back in the saddle?
2007-12-19 06:01:49 · answer #3 · answered by Kamikaze ♥ Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. If he lied about Herpes, what else has he or will he lie about?
2. How can he be falling in love with you after only 2 dates? That's moving way too fast and warning bells should be going off.
3. What would I do? Not have sex with this man for at least 6 months while I carefully evaluated him and the relationship.
2007-12-19 06:05:34 · answer #4 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be glad and appreciate that he even told you about it and so soon (after the 2nd date). It's not uncommon, lots of people have STDs (something like 1:5). But I understand that it's weird and seems unclean, and you don't want to get anything from him. It's up to you and how much you like him. You can still have an intimate relationship, but ofcourse there will be big risks. I guess I'd stay with him if I really liked him alot.
I think it'd be a good idea for both of you to get fully tested for everything because chances are high that he's got more than just herpes. Most people with stds have more than just one. Genital HPV is very common and 50% of the sexually active population has it and most don't know since it often shows no symptoms. Just learn to take care of yourself and you'll be fine.
2007-12-19 06:01:15 · answer #5 · answered by muffineye 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand how you could be freaked out. It would be a really hard thing to tell someone. But, if you take a moment and educate yourself via Internet, books or whatever that you'll find that with a little caution that herpes is something that can be dealt with. Herpes is very common and there are tons of people out there that has it and don't even know it. If you like him even just a little, then give him a chance, who knows, he could be your future soul mate.
2007-12-19 06:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by clint m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you have unprotected sex with him & THEN he told you? If so, I would dump him.
If not, & you really like him, meaning REALLY REALLY can't live without him REALLY, then consider what life will be like with him. You will always have to use condoms & you will have to rely on him knowing his own body & the signs that an outbreak is coming & trusting that he will tell you so you can avoid sex during that time. (Don't trust a condom during an outbreak as it can fall off.). Most women don't want to trust the man for birth control so having your health in his hands may be too big a risk too.
If you don't yet have real feelings for him, I would move on. If you do, I would date him for a few months without having sex & see how it goes. Make sure you know how herpes works & that he understands it too.
2007-12-19 06:01:35 · answer #7 · answered by Pogo peeps 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did sleep with him, get yourself checked. If you have it, then you don't have much to question.
I have an ex & close friend with herpes. A while back he wanted to get back together, and, thankfully, told me upfront that he had it. It's not something I was willing to deal with. He & I are still friends & the woman he's now married to (for a couple years) does not have it. They are careful, & it's worked well. I chose not to risk it, you have to make your own decision. I'd wait until you can say more than you like him, give yourself a little time to date & meet more men. If this one is right, just be careful. I would be worried about his lying early on. Especially if you slept with him between his denial & admission. That is just not a guy worth dealing with.
2007-12-19 06:01:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there are medications to control Herpes. The important thing is to wear protection, and not have sex if he's getting an outbreak, or thinks he's getting an outbreak. Think about what he's going through. He just met you, likes you, doesn't want to scare you off, but needs to come clean and be honest with you. He has probably been rejected several times because of fear of the disease. So I can see why he lied. He should have been straightforward, but he was scared. The decision has to be yours, and you need to be careful, but if you liek this guy, be honest with him, share your concerns, and ask him to be honest with you and to tell you when he is having an outbreak. To be able to talk about these issues shows love and concern, and it will help him with his confidence and rejection issues he's probably had to deal with. You can get through this if you want to continue the relationship, but the both of you need to be honest with each other and with yourselves first. Good Luck.
2007-12-19 06:01:05 · answer #9 · answered by dg2003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Herpes is very common, breakouts are visible as cold sores or blisters. Very highly contagious, but harmless for the most part. Just be careful and watch for outbreaks, don't drink from the same glass. Use herpicin to reduce breakout times. Stress, flu and reduced immunity could cause outbreaks.
Bottom line, this is not a deal breaker for a relationship. It's not harmful in most cases, just embarrassing for some.
2007-12-19 05:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by Special K 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yikes! That's tough. Honestly, you LIKE him...you don't LOVE him. Herpes NEVER go away and I don't know much about it but I would think if you stay with him long enough you're going to end up getting it too. I'd back out, but that's just me. Think about talking to a doctor and seeing what precautionary measures you could take and what the odds of you getting it are. I'm going to assume you won't be having kids so that's a plus...Good luck!
2007-12-19 05:57:19 · answer #11 · answered by Katie T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋