For some crazy reason, FMIL has it in
her head that she is just like my mom and thinks
she has every right to go wedding dress shopping with
me.She isn't my mom and quite frankly, I am
annoyed at her attitude-she doesn't understand
that she doesn't know me like that, that she isn't my
mom and we aren't close. I just don't feel comfortable
sharing these things with her. I am going wedding
dress shopping with my mom and only my mom.
How can I just get her to back off and give me room?
Why is she so
insistent? I have polled friends, family and etiquette
books-none of their FMILs saw
went dress shopping so why should my FMIL? Also,
I don't intend on having FMIL at fittings or showing
her the dress either. I figure she can see it when I
walk down the aisle.
2007-12-19 05:52:44 · 70 answers · asked by bashful bride 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just nicely tell her that you want the dress to be a surprise for everyone the day of the wedding, but if she would like to help you with something she could. . .
Then give her something so she feel included and not left out because ultimately this is all she wants.
If you don't want to do this- remember, you will be with her for life now too! You might as well start off on a good foot.
2007-12-19 06:03:24 · answer #1 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wedding Dress Shopping Etiquette
2016-11-07 08:39:58 · answer #2 · answered by lainey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me guess.... she only has sons in the family. If this is the case then she probably really likes you even though you hate her and wants to do the girly things that mothers do with daughters. BUT...
Your wedding dress is special and it's something you should do with your mum not his. Your mum has probably been waiting since the moment you were born to see you fall in love and marry someone special. Finding your dress is something you should do together.... alone.
Sit down with FMIL and explain that although you appreciate that she will be a big part of your life from now on, choosing your wedding dress is something special. Explain that it is something that your mum and you have been waiting to do together for a long time and that you don't want to take a precious mother daughter experience away from your mum. (Even if this is not true it will make her think about how she would feel if someone imposed themselves on the same thing if it was her daughter)
Maybe to build a bridge so that you don't have this attitude in her for the rest of your marriage invite her to get her hair and makeup done with the girls on the day or put her in charge of finding a guest book or something else that is not as important as your dress but still needs to be done. Give her something to concentrate on other than you so that you can find your dress in peace and leave her to do something you care less about. She will be happy that she has had something to do with your day and you can shop in peace!
Good luck and congrats!
2007-12-19 06:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to take her - but you are setting yourself up for a big problem her if you exclude her from all wedding events. She is about to become your mother-in-law and a big part of your life & will soon have the power to make your married life a living hell - so think twice before snubbing her. Find ways to include her - this is also her son's wedding and I am sure she just wants to be a part of the festivities, and does not want to ruin your big day. You need to find ways to become "close" - now is the time to start that - not to push her away - if you aren't careful you could cause problems now that will never be forgotten. To say you won't even "show" it to her or include her when it's important to her, just sounds selfish - does your fiancee and your Mom know how you are treating your FMIL?
2007-12-19 06:50:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow hostile. You do realize that this person will be in your life for the duration of your marriage. She's making an effort to be involved, let her come, what will it hurt. Go on a separate one with your mother if you want that one on one experience. Take her with you for a quick short one just to get some ideas or pick the place you think you will get your dress from. Don't mention when you are going again and try to make it when she won't be able to go if you do have to tell her. This way her feelings aren't hurt and you are not causing any conflict. The last thing you want to do is cause conflict with the FMIL.
2007-12-19 06:36:03 · answer #5 · answered by Elvira 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Touchy subject. The mother-in-law relationship can be at times difficult, however, my best advice to you is to try and make it work. You don't have to be best friends just civil to one another for the sake of your future husband. I had a similar issue with my boyfriend's mom, she and I just didn't see eye to eye. So I though of it like this "my boyfriend is a great, sweet, caring person and she (like it or not) had a lot to do with that". After using this perspective my walls started to come down and we started to get along. I realized that she was mostly concerned she was losing her son to me. I made it clear that I don't intend to "take him or his love away from her".
As far as the dress shopping...if you don't want her there don't take her. Tell her (or better yet have your fiancee tell her) that this is some thing you had always dreamed of doing with your mom. Let her know that you do care about her, but dress shopping is very personal and is going to be a task for you and your mom only because she is the person who knows you best. You don't have to take her the fittings either, but maybe you should show her the dress and/or take her to the last fitting so she doesn't feel completely left out. The last thing you want before your wedding is drama with your FMIL.
Good Luck with the dress hunt and the wedding.
2007-12-19 06:07:05 · answer #6 · answered by Meals 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well look at it this way, your FMIL wants to spend time with you, I mean your about to become part of her family, and she does look at you because your about to be her daughter-in-law. She wants to be close with you, because you mean a lot to her son. So don't completely block her out or take her attitude as annoying, and if you want space just let her know, but do other things with her, like take her out to a dinner, or a lunch. Ask her questions and make her feel like she is a part of your new life. My Mother-in-law, kind of crowded me too, but now we are really cool, and close, and I like that. Sure I didn't want her involved in my dress shopping or fittings,(luckily she didn't ask), but I did open up space for her. After all your marrying her son so your going to ba a part of that family. Just tell her that you would rather it be your mom and you dress shopping and let her do something else with you to plan the wedding. Let her feel like she gets to do something important for you and your wedding. She just wants you to appreciate her.
2007-12-19 06:03:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right. This is usually an ocassion for the bride and her mother only. Everyone should see the dress when you walk down the aisle. Just tell your FMIL that this is something special you want to share with your mom and you want the dress to be a surprise to everyone else.
2007-12-19 06:41:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take her once get it out of the way then go for real just don't tell her. It is your husband to be's mother and since she's going to the wedding I take it her son likes her so you will have to put up with her until until she dies or you get a divorce. The more you are angry and resistant to her the worse things will get and then it causes problems between you and your hubby. Relax don't be the dreaded bridezilla. Would you rather have her with you trying on wedding dresses or in the delivery room with your child. If she is there with the dress you can make your husband say no on the delivery room or any other weird request you will have leverage.
2007-12-19 06:06:23 · answer #9 · answered by Shannon Q 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother-in-law didn't go with me. I just simply let her know what my colors were and whether my mom would be wearing a long or short dress. I did try to include her in before the wedding by showing her my portraits of my wedding gown and what it would look like. It's your wedding, but try to include your future FMIL on a few details so she feels included. Remember, it's her son that getting married, too.
2007-12-19 05:57:34 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs.Blessed 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋