Only understanding mature people please?

Question

When I was very young I got pregnant by a much older boy well my step dad was a mean man and treated me and my brothers badly my mom didnt know when I was 15 i told my school and they came and took my daughter and prooved my family unfit but it was just my step dad they said b/c I was inancipated there was nothing else they could so they just took my daughter and put her with her fathers mother ( her father was in jail) well at the time I couldnt really do anything so I got supervised weekend visitations well I am older now and married and have a home and I have full weekends with her but when I get her I have three other kids and she bullys them and wont do anything nice and gets mad when she dont get anything form the store or get to go somewere I would be happy to buy her the world but I really dont have the money and when she gets in trouble for being mean to her siblings or dont get something she wants she want come back or talk to me for weeks what should I do?

I dont have her full time because we thought that it would be really hard on her to take her out of the home she was raised in so now we are doing this thing called faise in

Ok..... When she comes Over I spend a lot of time with her. my husband occupies the other kids and me and my daughter spend time talking and I let her ask me questions and I answer my whole weekend is devoted to her

Answer 1

Your daughter obviously feels like she is less important to you or less valuable to you then the other kids so she is very jealous and hurt. I understand how she is feeling. Its tough to be the "odd one out" let alone the child who was "got rid of" which is not true of course, but how she feels.

I would get some family and one on one counselling for both her and you. I know it's hard, but show her as much love as you can and spend some one on one time with her as much as possible.

I expect she wants you to take her full time deep down inside. Only therapy and counselling will get to the bottom of this issue.

Also, if you are religious, spend some time praying and I hope that that will help you too.

Very often children seem greedy for money and things when they don't feel like they are loved. They are just trying to get whatever they can to make up for it. She needs help.

Answer 2

Well first of all, if she was primarily raised by her grandma, then you should look at what kind of person her grandma is. The way in which she was brought up and the kinds of morals she was taught may have a lot to do with it. Being taken away from you and put into a different home really could have done some damage to her. Have you ever tried sitting down with her and calmly talking to her about her feelings and why she does those things? Sending her to her room, grounding her or yelling may not be what she needs. I'm not saying that's how deal with her behavior but I'm just saying that she may just need some alone time with you. Let her know that her behavior hurts you and that it makes you angry with her. Ask her what you can do to make her time with you better. Maybe ask her what things make her upset with her siblings. Have you ever thought about seeking psychological help? A counselor may help her. And also, why isn't she with you 100% of the time now? If you're married now and older, she should be with her mom.

Answer 3

Hello,
Sorry to say but your daughter is spoiled.
It appears since her beginning of life was that of which she was put into a grandmothers care, the grandmother did not do the kid a favor by feeling sorry for her therefor giving the kid everything she wants.
It does not sound as if you treat the kids whom you have in your home this way. This child is yours but you did not raise her.

Kids who people feel sorry for are victims in there own right. Spoiling a kid results in a kid who does not get along with others, or others feel they are being manipulative and trying to take control, which in most instances the kid is.

The past is the past and I am sure you feel guilty about this. This child knows this and milking it for all it is worth. Don't fall for these childish antics, or do if you wan too.

Wish you well....

Answer 4

You guys need counselling for sure. She is probably very angry at you and her half-siblings. Has anyone asked her if she wants to come visit you? If she is living a happy life with her grandparents, she may see them as Mom and Dad, and if she resents you, it may be a constant unwelcome reminder to her that she didn't get to grow up with her real mom like her half-siblings did. She probably feels like you owe her for not being her full-time mom, for not growing up with you, maybe even for the pain of having to visit you every week and have it rubbed in her face that the other kids got what she didn't (a normal family). Everybody has said this kid is spoiled, but you didn't say that her grandparents who she lives with spoiled her, so I'm going to assume they didn't spoil her. She has had a hard life. Try to see things from her point of view.

Answer 5

accept the fact that she grew up in a different home and obviously was very spoiled you can try talking to her about the appropriate way to act around your house or my suggestion is just reinforce your rules when she comes over don't let her be a bully don't let her throw tantrums and that's just it have a "no tolerance policy when it comes to bad behavior. unfortunately because of your situation and young age getting pregnant there were bound to be some bumps in the road but nothing you can't handle she will come around and learn to respect your rules if you are consistent. GL with everything! Sometimes kids don't realize that money doesn't grow on trees lol

Answer 6

Family therapy. This child might have some abandonment issues to deal with, and needs to understand you didn't abandon her, you were doing what was best for her at the time. Think about it, she gets sent off, but now you have other children that you kept. It isn't rational, and I'm definately not trying to put you down at all, but that is a kids perspective. I would seriously check into seeing a counselor to help you two sort it out so you can have a realtionship, and she can learn to bond with her siblings.

Best of luck, and happy holidays!

Answer 7

Hmmmm.....tough one...
She's the one that needs to grow up now and realize that Mom(you) although loves her dearly,doesn't have the funds to buy her everything she wants right now & just the love a Mother has for her child.As far as your other children go & her being mean & rude to them just means she's looking for more or all of your attention.Reprimand her any time she does this and don't let your other kids feel as though you're neglecting them nor giving her special treatment.Good luck Kish!Pray for her!

Answer 8

Hi,its understandable that your lil girl has a few issues,shes probably had alot to worry about(not sure how she is)while growing up,i can only guess she has problems with your other kids as she may feel as though theyre your kids theyre with you and shes your girl and she cant be fully there,im sure if you have a little chat with her ,explain the situation to her and tell her how much you love her,maybe she needs to know that you love her just as much as the other children,All the best

Answer 9

Well nice to know that this kitty agrees with the other kittie.Jerry brought out some good things too. She is just pissed at you and wantin attention. She will do bout anything to get it too. She missed out on that with you earlier in her life.Sounds like you are going to have to find some sort of council ing for the both of you..Cause you need it. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

She must be hurt cause her siblings have had mommy with them 24/7 and only gets to see u for the weekends, more than likely she feels like you owe her everything, and you shouldn't let her get you by threatening you. You should talk to her if she is old enough to understand and give her a heart felt apology for eveything.