Is my brother taking advantage?

Question

my brother lives rent free with my sister. He is a 22 and a single father of 3 year old. he depends on us for everthing cash babysitting. he has 5 sisters and he is the baby we all raised him he has a disability. doesn't hear well. he already has a full time job.well my sister wants him out. does not have the heart to tell him. my other sister paid 3 payments of his car. I finally told him i could not do free babysitting, but i feel so guilty. I feel like he should grow up , but it is all of our faults for allowing him to do this to us. How can i get everyone on board with me? I feels so guilty even writing this , but i want him to have good life.

maybe a girlfriend might help.

he has a job and is taking good care of his daughter. I didn't have kids because i do not want to babysit them. so no i won't babysit for money or for free. I've babysat long enough.

Answer 1

give him a time limit so he is not living on the street, then slowly proceed to take things away til he is independent

Answer 2

a girlfriend may help but it might not be a good thing to just through him into a relationship. Since he has a disability you have to handle the situation with caution. YOu shouldnt have let this go as far as it has gone now. Since he has a job, your sister should have made him pay rent. But anyway you should get all of your sisters together and talk about all of the options avaliable. After you have come up with a solution, all of you need to sit down and talk to him. Dont make it seem like all of you are ganging up on him though. Just tell him how you are feeling and what you would like to do.

Maybe one of you could let him stay with you, if he were to pay you in rent. And also make him pay his car note. Check his funds and make a list of all the things that he can afford. Then go from there. I dont think that it is right for you to charge him for babysitting though because that is your niece or nephew.

I hope you all make the right decision.

Answer 3

You are trying to help him in all the ways that you can. You are his sisters and you really care about him and you feel guilty, because you want him to grow up and have his own life as well. I totally understand. If all of you come together and give him an ultimatum that may crush him, and hurt him and create a lot misunderstandings. What you and your sisters should do is all of you come together with your brother and create a "plan for 08" you all make a breakdown of times and schedules and goals you all want to achieve. And distribute all of your bills equally. Make sure he chips in, and if it is not for bills - then you all create a "petty cash" bin. So that if any of you are short - theres the bin. But he has to learn responsibility soon, because he has a baby that is depending on him. He may need to divide his paycheck equally so that he is not short in any way with his payments. Its a hard situation girl - but things always tend to work out.

Answer 4

Qucik answer is yes, he's taking advantage. And as long as he keeps getting something for nothing, he'll keep taking it. If he was raised with the skills to eventually become an independent adult, there's no reason to feel guilty. Of course if he's always skated by, never had to experience consequences and everything, your whole family should be spanked, but there's nothing that should stop him from dealing with a cold burst of reality and taking on his own responsibilities.

It would be a little unfair and heartless to just suddenly throw him out, but you should sit down and devise a plan with goals and a limit for him to leave. And stick to it! Giving three months or so and helping him to gain control of his life is more than fair. Hearing impariment certainly is not a disability that should be used as a valid excuse to be a mooch and a slug.

Answer 5

Ooh, tough one. A girlfriend is what created the fatherhood situation in the first place, so that's not an answer.

It sounds like you and your sisters will have to sit down and make a plan with him to "cut the umbilical cord." You shouldn't stop helping right away--he is used to it. Give him six months to get his act together, with steps along the way. For example, by the end of the second month he has to pay all of his own bills (including rent to your sister). By the end of the fourth, he has to start looking for his own place. By the sixth month, he has to move out. And so on...

Whatever you do, make sure that your niece or nephew are cared for first. And remember that sometimes not helping is the best way to help.

Answer 6

Usually people with disabilities are hard working and independent, but your brother isn't one of them, is he?. It's nice to see that you are caring for your brother so much even though he is kinda using you all. What you should do is help him become better at what he does. If he can't afford to pay for his car or the rent, you should help him get a better job.And you shouldn't feel guilty because your brother is a fully grown man who needs to learn to take care of himself. A girlfriend might help, but I don't thing a girl would want to date a guy who is being taken care of by his sisters. So, help your brother get on his feet and become more independent

Answer 7

I think your brother is milking this for everything it is worth. A girlfriend won't help... he will just gain someone else to sponge from and you sisters need to stop being so good to him. Your goodness is stopping him from taking responsibility for his life. That of course is not suitable because he is an adult. Every person has to learn to cope. It is great to get a hand now and then. It is a wonderful boost. But only do it now and then. I am not in favour of you stopping him from reaching his proper level of potential. Collectively talk to him that you will always love him, he can depend on you in a tight squeeze, but the free ride finishes NOW!

best wishes

Lisa

Answer 8

You should help you brother become a stable person especially because he has a daughter. Help him keep his job and make sure he makes enough to raise his child and keep his job and car. He should find a roommate so he can save rent money. Then he needs to find some government assistants to pay for his daughters child care while at work. Then he should be able to do things on his own and start his own life.

Answer 9

Your brother's handicapped with a 3 year old; Have a heart everyone needs someone when there's nothing wrong with them; what makes your brother any different and he has a disability? If you really want to help him then find him a job and then offer free babysitting;

Answer 10

No a girlfriend would not help. I suggest that the sister he is living with makes him pay a portion of rent and utilities. Start low and eventually he will be responsible. I had to do this with a sister that has mental health issues. Now she has a small apartment near me so she knows that I still support her through life...just now it is emotionally not financially.

Answer 11

Is your brother truly capable of living on his own and raising a kid? Does his job allow him enough income to do that? Is he wasting his money rather than applying it to support himself and his child?

If he is wasting his money (i.e. eating out all the time, electronics, luxury car, movies, etc...) rather than trying to become self sufficient, can you drop hints to him? I doubt anyone wants to "throw him out", but I'm guessing you don't like being taken advantage of either. Find some way to help him transition to a self sufficient role. I don't think you'll completely get out of supporting him but it might not be the same type of support you give him today.

Talk about how you feel with your sisters and see if everyone is on board with you. You may want to say that you (and your immediate family?) need to start doing things for yourself too rather than focusing as much on a sibling, especially if they are capable of self support.