What punishment for an 8 yr. old boy? Let me explain...?

Question

Ok- this is a tough one. My son was suspended from school today along with another little boy for 2 days. My son found empty bullet shells in our garage and at the bottom of the box, an old 9mm bullet. He never told us he found it-he told his friend at school he found it and he asked my son to bring it in. My son hesitated and said no on Monday-then Tuesday he asked him again-he caved and brought it in today. The math teacher caught them and whalla! Principles office. When I picked him up she said he was very honest about it but made a huge wrong choice at school! My husband has spoken to him about gun safety, knife safety, etc. and like me (admittedly) he thought that a bullet wouldn't harm anyone without a gun. The other kid's Dad is more furious with his own son because he is a Sheriff and his son he feels should know better than mine. Other than the suspension-what other punishment would a fellow parent recommend and for how long? This one is tough for me...

Answer 1

This sounds like something a quick lecture would fix. If your son is one who responds to verbal direction pretty well, then this seems like the most that needs to be done.

Grounding for a week with no privileges would be a great solution if you are planning on raising a drill sergeant, but bringing a bullet to school presents itself with a sort of dilemma. As you mentioned, a bullet will not hurt anyone without a gun, so it seems like there is no problem with a quick and harmless show-and-tell to little boys. However it is still dangerous because it is half of a deadly equation. If you, sternly, make it clear that this is not appropriate, there need not be any more punishment.

Godot was here.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, most schools have had to put in place a "no tolerance" rule regarding possesion and use of any weapon. Admittedly this is designed to prevent older children from bringing weapons to school with the intent of doing harm, but it has to cover all facets of weapon possesion for all ages in order to be an effective rule. As a mother with a 10 year old daughter very interested in anything outdoors, such as fishing, hiking, camping, and hunting, and the wife of a husband who began hunting at a young age with his father and grandfather, we have a home that contains guns. There is nothing wrong with this and it is not irresponsible in any way provided the appropriate percautions and education are in place. I think I may at first feel that just a bullet by itself would not fall under the category of "no tolerance", but I can see the reasoning behind the school needing to deal with it this way. This was not an act by your son with the intended purpose of harming someone. It was something done simply because of lack of reasoning and judgement, which 8 year olds are only beginning to develop anyway. Not to mention curiosity, which 8 year old boys have an abundance of. This was not done in defiance or with malice. So, for that main reason, I am not of the mind set that an extensive, extended punishment is in order. I think that if I were in this position, I would go with the school imposed 2 day suspension for the length of time the punishment at home should occur. Since your son will have to be at home instead of school, I would suggest that this not be a "vacation" for him and he be required to do some chores around the house. He should be expected to do some school work so as not to be behind when he returns. I would impose a 2 day no TV, video games, computer rule while he is on suspension. Additionally, I would take some responsibility as a parent and require the entire family to clean the garage. Someone other than your son had to have left the empty shell cases and the bullet there. So, while it was his choice to pick it up and not tell someone he found it, someone else did leave it where it shouldn't have been. It would be a good lesson in sticking together as a family to help each other through a rough time.

Answer 3

First off (coming from a NRA member) You and your husband share the responsibility of not teaching your child about having respect for weapons. Now having a 7yr old who tends to get into everything available, I dont even let him play with toy guns since they are not toys to begin with but being a young age it can happen to anyone whether he finds them on a street or foung the ones you never even knew existed. I am all for being informed. You both (parents) should take a gun safety course or refresh if you already have. Teach you child from that. Show him what happens to children that play with weapons, there are many articles on children who have been killed or have killed others because they thought it was a toy, not loaded whatever. You dont have to get graphic just informative. Basically, calmly scare the hell out of him. Some parents of children who have been harmed in gun accidents talk publicly, see if you can find one (the sheriff may know) as for a punishment, he definately should be, a community service punishment works well because it not only teaches but helps the community ie) picking up trrash at the park once a week for a month. Dont sweat too much the most important thing is that no one was injured. Hopefully he wont do it again.
Also when you demystify something its not so exciting anymore and not show and tell worthy

Answer 4

Sounds like he already knows what he did was wrong. He made a bad decision. That's how we learn. 2 days off from school is punishment enough. Make him clean his room or worse find a million little things for him to do. Just keep him busy for the next few days.He will be happy to return to school . My son got a week for taking a knife to school in the first grade. How'd he get it? It is part of his own collection. He just didn't see the big deal. Guess what, he cleaned house and did little things for a whole week and never took a knife to school again. Keep in mind, he's a boy and they do stuff like that. It was a mistake and although the results could have been bad they wern't. He was honest about it to the principle that's huge right there. Sounds like the punishment is going to land on the other kid where part of it belongs. Your son would have left it home. Praise him for telling the truth and next time don't cave in because of someone else. All while he's doing a million things around the house of course. LOL

Answer 5

Punishments do NOT work. As you are discovering. The only thing they 'teach' is that parents try to be manipulative. At eight, your son is old enough to understand truly natural consequences. If he has a skin allergy, then it must be quite unpleasant for him... and he needs to see for himself why it's a bad idea to touch the cat. So don't try and stop him... and then he'll see what happens, if he comes up in a rash, or starts sneezing, or whatever it is. Instead of getting angry, you need to sympathise with him- say that you realise how much he wants to pet the cat, and it's cool how much he loves the cat. And let him make his own choice. As for hanging up his jacket... instead of making a 'rule' (a horrible thing in a family), try sitting down with him, and saying that you can see he doesn't want to hang up his jacket. He may say something about it, or he might just shrug. Then explain that you feel annoyed that the jacket is on the ground, as it will get dusty or dirty, and then youll have to wash it again, which takes so much time [or whatever reason it is that you want him to hang up his jacket]. If he's bright he will see your point SO LONG AS you have first empathised with his point of view. Then ask if you can figure out some kind of solution that suits you both - maybe having a lower peg on the wall, or letting him put his jacket on his bed or over a chair - there could be all kinds of possibilities. You can do this with pretty much any kind of problem that you perceive - first look at your son's perspective, then let him know that you love him (with a hug if he will take it), then state (rather than asking a question) what you see, and perhaps guess at his reasons. Then listen when he explains - that he forgets, or can't reach, or gets bored, or whatever it is, and show him that you understand. Then use I-messages to explain your point of view - no attacking or criticising. And then discuss, together (perhaps making a list) possible ways to figure out what to do in future. If you come up with silly ideas as well as reasonable ones, you can always eliminate them later - or they might spark an idea you've not thought of. But you need to get out of the "parent vs child" punishment cycle - if its ingrained ,then it may take months before your son is able to listen and discuss these things.

Answer 6

I'm very open with my children and they ( usually ) would come to me if they had questions regarding what's right or wrong. But, little boys make mistakes. The school is punishing him, I wouldn't be too obnoxious in my "additional punishment". Like others have said for the two days I would take away all privelages and thank him for being honest and truthful when asked... it really seems like he just made a poor choice.

Let him know that next time he has doubts just come to you and you can let him know what is right or wrong and the possible consequences. Also let him know that It is not your ( the mom's ) job to decide for him ( your son ). You can only teach him right from wrong and the consequences of his decisions.

I would probably try to get a little education into his punishment, kinda my favorite thing. 8 year old boys could do with practice in handwriting and spelling. I'd set him down at the table and get him to write a small sentence 50 times. Something like, "I will ask mom or dad when in doubt about a decision".... nothing like "I will not take gun shells to school" See the difference? One is the solution and the other is the problem, we want to teach solutions, handwriting and spelling all at the same time.

good luck, don't be too hard on him, he seems like a great kid and probably has punished himself enough in his own mind

Answer 7

I think grounding him for the Christmas break and making it really boring for him should do the trick. Yeah, he admittingly knows it was wrong, but still. I don't agree with the answers that "suspension is punishment enough". When I was in school, I would have been glad to be suspended....it was my parents I was afraid of.

Also, a little hard work never hurt anyone. Have him rake leaves, or shovel snow whether it be for you or a neighborJut make him do something long and tedious that really "feels" like punishment.

In addition, don't sweat the bullets too much in the garage. Accident's happen, I'm sure you know now to be on the lookout for that kind of stuff even more than before. Don't let people smear you on here and don't feel bad about it.

Answer 8

I think some sort of grounding (like no TV for 3 days or something) would be in order, because he allowed himself to be talked into doing something he instinctively felt was wrong by another kid.

I would say the punishment for actually bringing the bullet to school was handled with the suspension. The support you offer there is that he keeps up with the work he is missing while he should have been in class. Now you punish him for the thing the school isn't punishing him for -- allowing himself to be swayed by peer pressure.

I have an 8-yr-old, too, and every time he gets in trouble at school, it's for something he THOUGHT was innocent but was really against the rules.

Answer 9

This IS a tough situation. In a way, I don't really feel that much punishment is needed.. because he didn't quite realize how serious it was. I wouldn't tell him that he was off the hook, but I wouldn't be incredibly strict and ground him for an entire week or two. If you didn't do anything, the two days of suspension would be like a vacation to him. I think that you should first pick up his school work and make him work on that and then have him help you with chores around the house on the days of his suspension.

Answer 10

First of all i would make his days at home for suspension REALLY boring. Take away privelages like tv and only give him the option to read. I would punish him pretty harsh like that for the two days. Then let up a little, I mean it is the holidays and he is a boy and these things happen. My little cousin was in my backyard and shot a rock with a slingshot that hit the old woman who live behind me in the leg! And she was the superintendents wife! We made him apologize and he didnt see that slingshot for about a month! Even though it was an accident. I might go get a few brochures about gun safety and make him copy a few lines or something too.