Tales of an evil stepmother? What should i do?

Question

my parent's are divorced, my dad has a girlfriend, aka basically my stepmom. The other day I left my jacket in their room and forgot to get it, then it went missing for 4 days. I then decided to go to her room early in the morning to look for it. She saw me looking for something and asked me what I was looking for, her always locked closet was open and i saw my jacket hanging with her jackets, I walked in her closet and answered, "My Jacket". Then she pretends, oh that's your jacket? I find the sleeves to be folded and my brother telling me he saw her wear it. I was wearing my jacket and my older step brother told me that his mother tried giving him the jacket and saying that she bought it. Shes only very nice to me in front of my father at the dinner table, but at other times when hes not around, she doesnt even acknowlege me. I tell my dad and I can see that he's sad but honestly I dont think he could find another woman at this age. What should i do with this woman? Get her back?

I'm currently a freshman in college, still living at home. I'm the only girl that lives in my step mom's house besides the stepmom. My two younger brothers each live in a different house with a different family member other than my real mom. There are 9 ppl living in my house. I live in the garage(built a room). Before i lived with my dad he filed unemployment so he didnt have to pay child support. When he gives me money to spend, he does it in secrecy and never in front of my stepmom. My stepmom is that plastic surgery type, fake breasts, nose (47) has all these studio pics of herself in her room. When i leave my stuff accidently in her room, its always untouched or put aside. I guess it was really cute jacket. I just dont understand why she had to be so shady with it. My stepbrother was not aware of her having my jacket, i just wore it one day and he told me how she bought it for him, and he didnt want it. she doesnt make me cook or clean..should i crip walk in her heels to stretch

Also, she had a baby with my dad, but she got it aborted. She has 3 boys, and my dad has 2 boys and I. Theres so much more to it, I doubt my dad will leave her. Sometimes I think she and her sister might be talking about me in chinese, and I only understand vietnamese. I think it varies between cultures when it comes to guilt. I'm just sick of this, I want to move out, but if i dont stay and stick up for my brothers for my dad to support them, all of that will go to the stepmom. I'm also sick of writing my name on the foods I buy in the house.

my childhood wasnt horrible, it was just whack.

Answer 1

That is evil ? Why did you take your jacket off in their room anyway ? I can't see getting her back for that.

Answer 2

Here's something you need to look at, why did you leave your jacket in their room if it was so sacred that you didn't want anyone to wear it?
I have daughters, stepdaughters and kids I have all but adopted, I am always searching for stuff........ and usually finding it in other closets, that is called being a part of a family. You share things, heck there are so many kids here, half the time I just fold clothes and let em lay on the table, cuz I don't know whose are whose.
I am thinking maybe she is waiting for you to make the first move, hence the reason she hesitates to talk to you. In the best interest of your father, I would try to get to know her and if not love her, at least respect her as a loved person in your father's life, that could go along way to solving his unhappiness.
Ask to borrow her clothes or jackets and offer to allow her the same borrowing privledges, I mean does it matter whose closet it is in if the closets are all in the same house? As for offering it to your brother, she may have thought it was hers..... I wouldn't take to much offense unless she did something way worse then pick your coat up (from where you left it) and hang it in her closet or wore it.

Answer 3

I would say, watch your stuff carefully. Get a lock for your room and keep your stuff put away. Some situations require preventative measures rather than direct confrontation. You cannot decide for your dad who he should be with, and it may hurt your relationship in the long run if you make this hard for him. I know that does not seem fair, but you only have to endure it until college or he sees her true colors. I recommend the high road and offer you good luck. It will take maturity and patience on your part.

*EDIT:
I know it may seem expensive, but dorms may be an alternative. Either that or look into a roommate for an apartment or house. On campus jobs are flexible and between that and student loans (only if there are no other financial alternatives) can solve your problem. Then you are on your own, your stuff is safe and you can visit (just) your dad whenever you decide to. I know some kids who room with others and pay around 100-200 dollars/month for rent and utilities.

Answer 4

my dear, you may be very affected by what happened to your parents and that gives you the bad impression on your stepmom and because you don't want her to replace your mom...think about it, did you do anything good to her and she reciprocated badly? like did you wish her and she snubbed you? try looking at your inner self first before you hate her...about your jacket, did you ask her why it was in her closet and is your step bro telling the truth as well? try to recollect and reflect personally and then weigh the good and the bad things happening...if there is more of the negative, then you have the reason to be angered...although you can't live with anger all of your life, it's still better to live in peace and you'll see the world in brighter colours. if you're still young, that's a normal attitude but you can contorl it...it makes a big difference if you are more mature...open your heart and mind...live a good life and have a happy family even though you're home was broken...get on with it...it's almost 2008, evil stepmoms were in the olden days, turn them into friends nowadays...cheer up girl!

Answer 5

First of all you should know that it is really normal to have difficulties in a family when a new boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife is brought into a home. Kids can get pushed aside, or feel pushed aside, sometimes the new adult is not thinking clearly about the kids and that kids come first. Sometimes the parent is so in love that he/she doesn't want to see how the changes are affecting the kids. Sometimes the child's other parent is jealous that there is someone new in the ex's life and this jealousy can affect the children. Or sometimes (less rarely) things are great.

I've been through this myself, both as a kid, and then watching my own son deal with a new stepfamily at his dad's house. It can be really tough. A lot of it is on the shoulders of the parents to take care of. If you have talked to your dad and explained things well he should be willing to help. However, you also have a part in making things better. You sound like you are not a young child, so you are old enough to work to make things better and try to examine your actions and words to see if there is a way to make things better.

You say your father looks sad, It makes me wonder if there is a different way to express your issues. Maybe, since he is in love and all that, he feels torn between the two of you. Of course, in my opinion and yours, you should be his priority. He's also human and wants a girlfriend, and that's ok, but it's also his job to make sure that the two of you get along. (And people of ALLL ages can find love. Even 100 year old people, so don't let that be an excuse for him remaining checked out in terms of helping).

This is one of the hardest and most complicated family issues- stepfamilies. Most people have no idea how to handle these situations. Most people need to have help from a family counselor, I believe. With this type of help people can learn to treat each other more respectfully and to all get along without stress. Problem with that is you have to get everyone to agree to go.

Meanwhile, you need to go find a counselor as soon as possible. You are feeling like this woman is stealing from you and ignoring you. More importantly, perhaps, your father is not responding to your complaints. You can ask the school counselor for the name of someone who helps families with this sort of issue. You guys need help from someone who does this sort of work for a living. They're the experts.

While you arrange all that, try to keep a polite distance between the two of you, and if you can, try hard to make peace. Please don't do anything like "geting her back." That's going to make things worse. Instead, surprise her by doing something nice for her unexpectedly. Be a better person than she is - it's actually really satisfying to turn the power of your charm on someone you don't get along with. It makes them confused! When talking to your dad, listen to yourself, and imagine how it would feel if someone was talking to you that way about a person you love. Make sure you are not just saying negative things. That will make him feel guilty.

How much do you live with your dad? Do you spend time with your mother? If so, have you discussed this with her?

Sorry you are dealing with this. It's not easy.

Answer 6

My step mom does some shady things at times too (like selling my furniture and keeping the money for herself, that was real cool). Anyways, I've always kinda thought that since she makes my dad happy, I'll continue to ignore her as best I can and keep things civil. You've learned a lesson not to leave your stuff around her right? Now just stay away from her has much as possible.

Answer 7

No, don't get her back. Just take close care of your things, and try not to get too emotionally attached to things that aren't alive.

You can ask your father if you can go see a counselor with him and your step-mother to try and set some reasonable ground rules that everyone can agree to; and that a professional family counselor can optimize for effective harmony in the home.

I feel all blended families should be required by law to see a licenced family counselor for optimal harmony and family life blending.

Answer 8

Naw, make friends with her. Tell her point blank that you'd like to get to know her better and get along, then ask her if she'd like to go to a movie/shopping/whatever with you.
Don't rat her out to your dad. You have to build your own friendship with her. Step-parents are like older friends. You know how to make friends, don't you? If you don't, pick up a copy of Dale Carnegie's book on the subject. It's actually quite useful. Adults are hideously easy to get on your side. Just be on theirs and act like you like them. Laugh at her jokes. You want your dad to be happy, and this is about him, not you. You'll be gone in a few years.

And for heavens sake, it's just a jacket. Buy a new one just like it. This jacket business sounds like a misunderstanding, or that she was borrowing it and didn't want you mad. If she keeps stealing stuff, then you have a problem you can actually go to your dad with.

Answer 9

Sorry, that's not really even that evil.. She may NOT have known it was yours... I would try to keep track of your own things next time you are visiting with your father... Also, since they aren't married the only thing that you can do is to control your own behavior.. You don't have to like her and in turn she does NOT have to like you.... I would just be courteous to her when needed and not act out.. That would just make you look really bad to your father.. Getting her "back" would just be juvenile and even more reason for her not to like or acknowledge you.

good luck

Answer 10

I feel sorry for you, please,stay away from her as much as possible!
I don't know how old you are, but ....try and stay away from her, and make sure nothing of yours gets NEAR her. The next thing she may do is sell your things on Ebay.
And, I am sorry to say this, but your dad is part of the problem if he sees this, and lets her get away with it.
don't try and get back at her, the LAST thing you need is her making you go as low as she is.
Um, how is your brother doing with her, because she could be doing the same to him.