Do your kids grandparent play favorites between your kids. My oldest seems to be the favorite of my father in law. She calls and says hows my favorite granddaughter doing or when he sends christmas money to them its all grossly in favor of my oldest.
My oldests birthday was in may, grandad sent 50.00 to her for her birthday. My other daughter who is 2 years youngers birthday was Monday and there has yet to be anything from grandad for her not even a card.
we have told my father in law that he has to be fair to both. My youngest asked why grandpa didn't send her anything like her sister. What do you tell her. He could have sent a card at least. HE didn't even call her on her birthday. How pathetic is that.
2007-12-19 04:43:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
No, grandpa lives in california, we live in Nebraska.
2007-12-19 04:51:59 · update #1
I asked my husband to ask if he sent anything and my husband said thats rude. So he won't do it. I just thought maybe it got lost in the mail, but I doubt it. he is always pulling this crap.
2007-12-19 04:53:16 · update #2
Ef Ervescence - what could she possibly have done to hurt him, she is 4 for crying out loud.
2007-12-19 06:00:58 · update #3
tell your father-inlaw he has more then one grandchild and that his playing favorites is hurting one of his grandchildren. Any gifts he sends will be given to charity from now on unless he inlcudes both of his grandchildren....all or none so to speak.
2007-12-19 04:52:12 · answer #1 · answered by wrathofkahn03 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I would tell grandpa that if he cant be fair to each grandchild than any gift sent to them will be returned to sender. I would explain to the child that the fact is not all people are very nice and youu cant control what others do (depending on the age) I would let grandpa know what behavior is acceptable in YOUR home. Once he gets his cards retured he will get the picture. What he is doing is hurtful and wrong and he needs to be told so. I would also put an end to the phonecalls until his behavior improves. He knows he is being mean, it shouldnt come as much of a surprise to him.
2007-12-19 05:45:28 · answer #2 · answered by swtchk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the a similar problem. My grandmother didn't like me and she liked my older sister. It was tough but the real loser in this is the granddadd.
Just try to explain to your younger daughter that she did nothing wrong. Tell her that sometimes just like children that adult do not always do the right thing. That he has made the mistake and it has nothing to do with her. She is just as special as her sister. Perhaps on your youngest daughter birthday you do something extra special to make up the difference. Maybe a cake on her birthday and then another cake later on in week or a special outing. Whatever works with your family.
Your youngest daughter knows what is going on. She doesn't need you to explain that her grandda favors her sister. I knew very early on and it was never discussed.
As a result, I am ashamed to say that I was actually happy when I heard that she died. (she had a very long life- 95 years)
2007-12-19 04:53:40 · answer #3 · answered by Starsfan14 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are some rather harsh suggestions above. I would definitely NOT follow them.
Were you to become very negative with your father-in-law as suggested you would invite other, and unrelated, negative consequences that could overshadow this concern, and could also damage the family. Temper tantrums, no matter how else they are described, are of no benefit to adults.
Instead, why not act pro-actively?
Your father-in-law has another person who can speak for your family, one who has an even closer relationship with him, and that would be his own son. You should discuss the matter, and all your concerns with that son who is also your husband.
A son can usually speak with a parent on different terms than an in-law, and your husband should do what is needed in this case.
You might also review your stance of being judgmental, as there could easily be other things that are going on in your Father in law's life that kept him from thinking of your other daughter's birthday this time, or there could be a secondary reason that he has not discussed with you, such as something the other daughter has done that offended him deeply.
A frank family discussion, with your husband leading the conversation, seems to be in order.
.
2007-12-19 05:04:01 · answer #4 · answered by Ef Ervescence 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never tell you child that grandpa likes the other one better. It may seem like the right thing to do to tell the truth but your child most likely will not understand and may face emotional consequences later in life. As an alternative you could intercept most contact between grandpa and the girls. For example when grandpa sends 50 bucks for one but none for the other. Split it evenly and tell the girls that is the way grandpa wanted it. It may be lying but it may also protect your daughter. You may even choose to buy your youngest a card with money and pretend its from grandpa. Or you can simply cut all ties with the bastard and send back any gifts/money he sends to your oldest. Then you simply tell your children grandpa is a bad man and they can't be around people like that. Tell them you will explain more when they are older.
ps .. grandpa is one loser of a dad/grandpa
2007-12-19 04:57:46 · answer #5 · answered by Terena 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If I were you I would send back what was giving to your oldest daughter. Grandparents should not favor over others. I am a grandma and that blows my mind. Give him a piece of your mind and tell him not to send anything for your oldest daughter and even a card. If he can't be a grandpa to all of your children he can be a grandpa to any.
2007-12-19 10:44:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would explain to him how much it hurts the younger grandaugher whenever he favors her older sister. I would also try to set up time for grandpa and the younger child to spend time along without the older of the grandchildren being there. Maybe if he spends more time with the young one his biases will pass. If after making these efforts he continues to show his favortism I would cut off his contact with your whole family until he can grow up and show both children the same amount of love they so rightly deserve.
2007-12-19 04:52:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You explain to her that some people are just jerks. And then you stop letting him send the other child gifts. If he sends the eldest a card next birthday, send it back. Explain to the oldest that she should stick up for her little sister's feelings. Use the opportunity to teach your children the Golden Rule.
2007-12-19 04:50:50 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa.Speer 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you don't tell ur children about the Favotie thing , in the futur it can cause jealousy. frition. and furture problems bewteen the children YOU talk to the inlaws and tell them in the future, u play NO favorites, ordo not sent anything, Thank YOU. U must take this approach , or u may have problems between the children.
2007-12-19 04:56:39 · answer #9 · answered by snowriver 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These kids aren't stupid and they will come to know that Grand-dad is playing favorites. Then he will wonder, why they never come to visit or keep in touch. It is his loss and eventually his actions will come back to bite him in the rear. It is no lose to the kids because they will know what has been going on and will compensate by putting their faith in the people that deserve it and not hold out false hope that their grand-dad will ever come through for them. So it is HIS lose, not theirs.
2007-12-19 05:17:10 · answer #10 · answered by Grandma of 2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to go by a card put 50.00 in it and address it from Grandpa. No sense in making the child feel bad about herself or that she is not loved. Just go buy a card, signed Grandpa.
2007-12-19 05:43:34 · answer #11 · answered by annita g 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋