my family wants nothing to do with me because I don't have money to buy gifts for my daughter , are they right

Question

I have no money for christmas gifts, as I have only 12 dollars to my name to get to and from work till my next paycheck which is already borrowed to be paid back and borrow again for rent. My daughter who lives with my mom is mad that I don't have 100 dollars to give her. I have stuff in my home that I have gotten free from contests and stuff , expensive hair stuff, face products, etc but they don't want that, and my mom is mad because I paid my electric and phone bill when I can't afford to provide for my daughter (she is on my lease but won't live with me because I date) and thinks I should sell my bed to give her money. I have already let my insurance go by missing one payment to give her money a couple weeks back. I am seeing a guy and he treats me really nice and I am thinking of spending Christmas with him because I will be alone anyway. I just want to forget about everything and enjoy what I can. Am I wrong and my family right?

I thought spending time was the most important thing but after not being in contact with them for 5 days, my mom said my daughter was very hurt that I had not..... given her 100 for christmas, and I thought she was going to say she was upset I hadn't been in touch. They don't want me to just spend time with them, they want money.

Answer 1

No, they're not right. You're an adult and should live your life the way you choose - do not let them push you around and tell you what they "think" you should do - that's ridiculous! Best of luck xoxo

Answer 2

The deal is that Christmas comes once a year, every year at the same time. I understand struggling because I struggle too. But you scrape, save and plan ahead to make sure that you can do a little something for your children and family. That's the frustration. Also if your Mom is raising you child and has the brunt of the financial responsibility, it would be nice if she could count on some help from you on the holidays and birthdays.
As far as the things you want to give them, I was raised that you take the gifts you get even if they are hideous or you have a dozen of them and you say thank you and leave it at that.
Next year, just plan ahead.

Answer 3

I think you are wrong, and I think your family is somewhat right. If you don't have your daughter, then you should get a second job. Instead of applying your time to a guy and dating, you need to focuse on doing right by your daughter. You shouldn't be angery at your mother, she is raising a daughter that you chose to have. That is really sad. I don't think you should sell your bed, but you shouldn't be buying expensive hair crap and the stuff listed above, if you can't afford things like your car insurance and to at least buy a gift for your daughter. You shouldn't spend Christmas with an irrelevant guy, you need to be with your daughter, and if not, then maybe you need to be alone, so you can think about why you are where you are. I have no pitty for you. I feel for your daughter. I am a single parent of 2 and also live pay check to paycheck. But I plan ahead, and the last hing on my mind, is dating, because my focus is all on my kids and working my *** of to provide for them. YOu are making excuses. There are things klike community service league and churches that would help you with gifts for your child. You clearly aren't managing your funds in a smart way, and you aren't thinking of your child first, nor are you being greatful enough that your mother is providing for yur child which costs way more than 100.00.
Grow up
I disagree with the above person. you shouldn't ever take your childs paycheck. That will cause resent, and you should provide for her, but clearly moral should be taught. I don't think it's unreasonable to want a bit of money to help out around the holidays, froom you. if you weren't busy dating, maybe you could have been thinking about this and wanted to help your mother beings she is providing everything else for your child. Your daughter clearly has hostility and sees you avoiding and dating, and thinks if you can go out and do all that, then she probubly doesn't understand why you can't think of her at Christmas. She is a child and shouldn't be burrden with adult responsibilities and the fact you are choosing to be broke.

Answer 4

Christmas is not about the presents its about family and being there for each other. You don't really say why your daughter is living with your mother, it can't be all just because you date. If your mother does not have legal custody of her why don't you have her come back and live with you. You wouldn't be the first person to raise a child on a very limited income. It might be good for both of you. For you to see that you don't have to be rich to raise a child but you do have to be there. She needs to see that it isn't about the money. That attitude I think she is getting from your mother. Forgetting about everything does not make them go away. Get your family life in order then worry about your dating life. Your daughter should be the most important thing to you. You need to fix that relationship before you try to start another one.

Answer 5

Listen, you have a lot of issues right now. You need to tackle these issues one by one. Don't give up until you have tackled them all :)

1. You obviously need 2 jobs - 1 job isn't cutting it for you. Find yourself a second job. There is no excuse not to have 2 jobs if your parents are caring for your daughter.

2. You have a daughter, but you aren't paying child support. You need to be paying at least $25.00 a week toward supporting your child. So, either you need to support your daughter or you need to give your parents permanent custody of your daughter.

3. I think your family is correct - you really need to straighten out your priorities. You are seeing a guy - but you really should be working 2 jobs and not seeing anyone. You have time to enter contests - but you should be working a second job. Do you get the picture??? You are borrowing and missing payments - it's time for a second job. No one said life would be easy!!!

4. You state your daughter is on your lease but won't live with you because you date. ????? Usually, the MOM is in charge and the CHILDREN don't have a say in where they will live. If your daughter refuses to live with you, then call the police every time she runs away. You have parenting skills that need improving on. You need to realize YOU are in charge and you are the parent here!!!

5. Your daughter sounds like she is at least 14 years old. If she is, she should NOT be demanding money for Christmas (that's just sickening). Christmas isn't about gifts or money - it is about love. As a parent, you should love your daughter enough that you would work a second job to make sure that she does have a decent Christmas (i.e., give her a gift (not money) that she would like - like a cool sweater or a book).

6. Your daughter sounds like she is old enough to get a part time job and help out. Did you know that you are entitled to your daughter's paycheck until she is 18??? If you and she lived together, then she could help out with the bills. Families are a TEAM and that means everyone pitches in to help out.

7. Don't sell your bed - that is ridiculous!!!!

8. What you need to do is hand over custody of your daughter to your parents, pay child support of $25.00 a week, get your daughter to get a part time job to help out with her expenses, get a second job to pay the bills.

Answer 6

Well, I think the living necessities come first. It would be nice if you could give your daughter a present such as what you got for free. They must have a plan to want $100. Does your mom get any payment for caring for your daughter? Are they struggling hard to make ends meet? I get the feeling though that your issues with your family may be more than just the Chirstmas gifts. Good luck.

Answer 7

Christmas is just another day. It means nothing on the grand scheme and wasn't a holiday that I believe Jesus Christ would have approved of Himself. Handle your business like a responsible person and let that day fly over your head as you duck. Christmas tradition will be here after you're long dead and gone, and kids will only half-a$$ remember what you got them anyway. The quality with which you live your daily life now will be the only thing you leave as a legacy. No one will remember anything else, especially not the retail junk they likely won't have this time next year.

Answer 8

I think everyone is wrong in this situation. Maybe instead of dating you should get a second job to help out some and maybe they should be a little easier on you and realize that you are trying. Christmas is not about giving/receiving but celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and spending time with your family. Maybe you need to remind them of this. Your daughter is your daugther. What you do/dont do for her is your business. Sounds like you need some time with her to show her that you really love her. You need to do what you have to do to provide for your family and at the same time your family should not turn their back on you when you are having a hard time.

Answer 9

There are two things here. You're family is not only wrong, but selfish and shallow as well. Letting that attitude keep you from your family at the holidays and running away from the issue by spending the holiday with some guy is also wrong.

You're money issues are your own fault. Get a second job if you need to. Cut down on your lifestyle if you need to. Get on a written budget for sure. Control your money instead of coming up empty on holidays because your money controls you.

Answer 10

I think you're both wrong. Christmas should be about spending time with the family and loved ones and "peace on earth, goodwill to men". You should not forgo your utility bills or sell your bed to buy a gift. But you should spend more time with your daughter. And try to get out of your financial hole. Where is the money going?

Answer 11

I would stay away from a family like that. What you need to do with whatever free time you have is get a second job so you can pay your rent and keep your insurance paid up. There is an old saying "Every pot must stand on its own bottom", which means mind your own business and do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Make it your motto.