if you could do it, would you?

Question

i am expecting my 3rd child next June. my husband and i are trying to figure out if he should work a full time and a part time job so i can continue to work part time or if i should take a year or so off of work. financially, we can afford for me to take a year off but i dont think it is fair to him. if i take time off he doesnt have to work another job at all. he can keep just the one and i can stay home or if i get bored, work on the weekends when he is home to be with the kids. i would like to know if you had the option, which would you choose? i have only take the 6 weeks off after the other 2 kids and we have always split the bills 50/50. am i being selfish if i dont want to go back to work right away? please, lend your advice. thank you in advance

Answer 1

I would give anything to be able to stay home with my children...but I feel my husband is being selfish by not letting me and making me work....I was raised to believe that at home is where a mother belonged.....so if I was you and you guys could afford it I would definetly stay home as long as possible.....

Answer 2

As a family, you sound affluent enough to manage fine if one of you can fairly easily take a year off doing part-time work to live on one income. You obviously aren't on the bread line and in desperate need. I think one of you should stay at home and care for the children while the other parent works full-time to support the family. If that's your husband, then he shouldn't do 2 jobs to win the bread. One full-time job is more than enough to deal with - doing one and a half jobs, the poor sod would be so clapped out at the end of the day he wouldn't get to enjoy his children...or you...and he'd be a very dull boy indeed. When you are young and your children are small, it is often difficult to make ends meet - but even in straightened circumstances, the benefit to the children of having a parent at home with them is incalculable. When they are all old enough to go to school, then maybe you could reconsider the p/t work again - but make sure one of you is at home when they come home after school. Don't use a child-carer unless you really have to. It's more expense anyway. A parent to open the door to them or meet them from school is by far the best. You 2 are partners. You chose to have children and you therefore have to make sacrifices accordingly. If the sacrifices are financial or boring, then so be it. It won't be for long. Whoever is the carer and whoever is the breadwinner is immaterial. You share both the good and the bad. It's not a matter of being selfish. If you are a little hard up in these early years with the kids that's just character-building. Later on, you'll really appreciate the extra money if you do go back to p/t work. Meantime, you must both equally do your best for the children and the family as a whole. Sorry, I've taken too long to answer your question. Yes, I would take time off. I did take time off many years ago and we were VERY hard up and life wasn't easy. My husband worked long hours to support us. Later, I did p/t work and we felt very rich although we weren't. One of us was always indoors when the children came home from school. They weren't latch-key kids and grew up happy. In later life, our roles were reversed. My husband did p/t work while I worked full-time. It was a successful arrangement and if you are thinking selfish/unselfish, it evened things out in the long run. Good luck. Enjoy those kids and let them enjoy you.

Answer 3

I only WISH we could afford for me to stay home. Child care costs are really kicking our your know whats. We have 3, a 8 year old boy, a 5 year old boy, and an 11 1/2 month old daughter. You guys are married - talk this over. I don't think it's being selfish -you would have the hardest job of all - raising the kids!!! What if you stayed home, and found a part time job on the weekends or something?

Answer 4

If your husband is willing to let you stay home I would take the time off and spend it with your children. I know the concept of not working can be hard but since you haven't had that luxary with the other children I would take advantage of the fact that you can take the time off and be able to be with this baby for everything. Be sure you do have a babysitter at least sometimes so you don't get worn out but if you really feel you want to help him and still stay home you could always start your own in-home daycare. Then you are staying home with your new baby and also bringing in some income.

Answer 5

Our personally story. I didn't qualify to take Maternity leave but I am still a Stay at home mom and we have decided that I will be for at least 11 months till I can return to college My BF is taking 25 weeks of parental leave so he can return to school too.

How we figured that out

First things you need to do is sit down and throughly figure out your finances...You want to be prepared for the worst and still have money for those nights out, spontaneous purchases, those cute baby things you just can say no too, car reparies that may come up...ect...ect ect..you know how life goes
That plays the major factor...

If "money is no object" than don't worry about taking a whole year off to be with your babies if having him work so much bothers you split ( if you can were you live)the leave of absence 50 50.

If Money is going to play a factor. Figure out how much time can be afforded and again either take it all your self or split it.

If you need to either for money or just out out of bordem or what ever really want to work...Do exactly what you said...find a job that works with his scedual so your not stuck in the house 24/7.

Selfish is the last thing you should be thinking that your being. One your baby will need someone around all the time anyways and child care is outraougus, and two at least your concerrd about your Husband working so much or not having time off. Selfish is the women who automatically think there the only ones intitled to the leave and dont care about their partners feelings

Answer 6

absolutely not -- ANY new mother deserves some time off, and especially if you went right back to work with the other two, hunny, you are more than overdue to get some extra time off if you want to or need to -- don't feel guilty about it. I know it may be hard, I still feel bad about not being able to go back to work, but it is not selfish at all. If he is willing to do that, then be thankfull, if he is not willing to do that then just talk and work it out for the best between the two of you, but do not forceyourself to go back right away if you dont feel up to it. every pregnancy is different, and just because you went directly back the last two times isn't a guarantee that everything will run so smoothly this time around, not to mention with 2 kids and a newborn, i'm sure you'll be 10 times as worn out lol, so you deserve it.

Don't feel guilty about it, just talk with your hubby about it and the "what if's" and work out a game plan :)

Answer 7

I stayed home to raise my kids, even though it meant a big cut in income. It was the best thing I ever did - young children need a fully-involved full-time parent to raise them, play with them, take them out, and give them a great start.

Stay home if you can afford it do it. It's about the kids. You're husband sounds supportive, willing to make it work.

PS. SInce when do couples with kids split the bills 50/50?
It all goes into one big pot for the sake of the family!

Answer 8

Parts of your question don't make sense but the answer is easy anyway. No one person should have to work two jobs. It is not healthy. The body needs rest. The solution is to down size your financial obligations. Staying home with children is the toughest job anyone can do so there is no selfishness involved. The selfishness would be if working outside the home causes financial problems that one spouse would have to compensate for.

Answer 9

Not sure I follow you correctly. If you can afford a year off while hubby works one job, why not take the next 5 yrs off until all the kids are in school? You have split the bills in the past, but now things have changed. I don't think it is selfish to dedicate yourself to your children. They will not complain as adults that you didn't get them Ralph Lauren jeans, but they will complain that money came before them. Dispense with the luxuries, prioritize.

BTW, how can you get "bored" with three kids!!? Weekends with the entire family together is to be treasured, and unfortunately too rare these days.

Answer 10

If he is willing to support you and help you with this then let him. If you feel that it is unfair for him to do all of the money making then pick up a part time job that gives you time to be with kids and still make some money. If you feel the kids need more help/attention then whatyou can give them now i would sugest staying.

I persionally would get the extra job but it really depends on how much the new child needs me around (if i were a mom / single dad which doesnt happen too much to my knowlege)