Now that were engaged...?

Question

I just don't get it my fiancee and I are very much in love but ever since he proposed to me he changed. He doesn't open up the door for me well sometimes and the flowers stopped, he used to send them to me at work just because.Why is that men do things to impress you then when they have you they stop it? Its driving me nuts and I hate it I'm so used to him doing these things and now nothing. :-(

He does get it in return. Nothing has changed with him I call him sweetie and I do special things for him. I'm just thinking he has alot on his mind with the wedding and fixing up our new home that I know can be stressfull. But my point is women in general get used to thing men do so when they stop doing it we notice it.

Steven you are right he must be comfortable around me and I'm not a materialistic person I love him for him. and I dont live with him either not till were married.

kateqd thats to funny my mom told me the same thing you know they do say you shoul listen to your mom but I wanna do something special for him for al the things he's done for me but what can I do?

Answer 1

don't get frustrated belive me. I'm a guy. and i proposed to my girl oct22. but the thing is not that he does not love you. He is comfortable with you. we dated for 6 years before i popped the question. I don't send her stuff every month or stuff. Yes i occasionally open the door for her, I call her every night to say good night, becuae we still don't live with each other. On anniversary's and special occasions, I do send her flowers at work and stuff, but its rare. She is not a materialistic person with to me sounds kinda like you are. Just becuase he is not sending you gifts all the time does not mean he dosen't love you. He is just comforatable. I doubt he would have gone throgh the trouble of looking for a ring and proposing to you if he did not want to spend the rest of his life with you.

Answer 2

Flowers and such are very superficial expressions of love. Maybe you're focusing too much on the superficial (or the absence of it), and overlooking the fact that your relationship is moving to the new level? There are deeper ways to express love and commitment than calling a florist. You two are getting ready to enter a mutually supportive relationship, and it'll take much more than roses to keep it going. Do you not get the sense that he cares about you? Is he not planning for the future? Does he not talk to you about your life together? Different people express their dedication in different ways. My husband happens to express his by working hard on building his business; he works 40 hours a week at the office, and he also works after he gets home - because things need to be done. He's doing it for his family as he's the primary breadwinner. No flowers in the world could ever express this - it is the everyday commitment and loyalty that count the most.

That said - if certain acts are very important to you, try to communicate it to him. Not in a confrontational way - but maybe say something like "I really liked it when you used to send me flowers for no reason.. can we make it a tradition?" He might simply feel that he is now expressing his love to you in a different way, and that flowers was something cliché and superficial; but if to you it's an important means of "romantic communication", he needs to know and understand it.

Answer 3

To some people, the romantic gestures and sweet gifts are all part of the moves they put out during the dating process. They want to make the best impression.

Now that he has you agreeing to marry him, maybe he no longer feels like he needs to "EARN" your attention and love. He has gotten very comfortable, knowing you are committed and won't leave him.

I personally find this disturbing, because this is not going to improve with marriage. As you know, marriage is not a means to an end, it is a lifestyle that you both have to work hard on. If he has already stopped with the "romantic" stuff, what makes you think he will bring it all back after you get married?

Answer 4

My fiance still addresses me as "Beautiful Princess", but now he says things like "I thought about getting dressed and starting your car" (on a cold winter morning that I had to go to work and he didn't), where before he would have just done it, and not just talked about it. I suspect before long, he'll stop even saying he thought about it! But, I love him for so many other things, that I'll get over it.

And, keep in mind that those gestures don't really measure his love. After 20 years of marriage, my brother-in-law does still send flowers to my sister at work for no reason or for their dating anniversary (which he remembers better than their wedding anniversary). But, a year and a half ago, he had an affair. I'd rather have fidelity than flowers.

I'm sure your fiance loves you, just be prepared for him to show it differently, and much more subtly, than he used to!

Answer 5

This can be very frustrating at times...but that is the way some men are. It may not be that he is intentionally going it, it may just be that he is going through something that has nothing to do with you but does not know how express his emotions. Or maybe he feels you have changed (think really hard...have you????). The most important thing to remember is to talk to him about it. This is the best way to start a healthy marriage. And when you do go to him don't say "why don't you...", verbalize the concern you have with phrases like "I really like it when you use to...". Tell him about how you feel, don't assume anything about how he is feeling.

Answer 6

I completely understand what you are going through..and Kateqd had the best answer. I am absolutely head over heels for my man but lately things just arent the way they used to be...he used to kiss me and not care who was around and he just made me feel like a queen. He isnt too much like that anymore. I know that he loves me still and its not that its COMPLETELY over lol but when you are together for a long time and especially living together things just change. We have two children together and now there is never time for just me and him, but we do make sure that every month or two we get my parents to watch our children and we have a day full of things to do together...I know people say you should do it once a month but with two babies its impossible haha, so we have our "date day" as much as we can and it definately helps bring those butterflies back that went missing for awhile :)

Answer 7

Something you need to know before you get married is to make sure you don't hold all this inside until you pop. Tell him that you are curious as to why he has changed... Be up front. We can't tell you why he's stopped doing the things he used to... that is only something that he can answer.

Answer 8

My fiance started pulling the same scam. You should talk to him and let him know that you miss the little things he used to do for you, like opening the door for you and sending you flowers just because. He'll be flattered that you remembered his thoughtfulness and hopefully he'll start acting like he used to when you were dating.

Answer 9

Welcome to married life. This is what it will be like with ANY man, they are on their best behavior until that diamond goes on, then they let up a bit and then when that wedding band goes on all bets are off and you will then see the true him. It isnt just your boyfriend, its every single man on the planet, and every single married woman will sympathize with you.

Its just something you are going to have to get over, because if you let this ruin your relationship and leave him the next man will do the exact same thing. Let it go, those days of him being gallant and you being treated like a queen are over.

Answer 10

don't expect him to do it forever, keep in mind do you do that stuff at all for him? men like to be treated as well, maybe if you suprise him with something 'sweetsie' he'll do something for you. you can't live a relationship based on being spoiled, just because he has taken a pause on spoiling you doesn't mean he doesn't care maybe there are things on his mind. give him time it'll be okay.